If

If I could tell the world just one thing,
I would tell them the game you played,
The secret we kept and the relationship we were in,
It all turned out to be crashing to the ground.

If I could tell the world just one thing,
I would tell the silly mistakes you made,
Getting in and out of trouble the best way you can,
Is this some sort of a trend you were in?

If I could tell the world just one thing,
It would be the embarrassing moments we had,
Sitting down on main-street with the hat you wear,
The silly sounds you made that couldn’t be compared.

If I could tell the world just one thing,
It would be that silly play you did,
To show me you were meant for me,
But ended up breaking up again and again.

If there is a place in this world I want to be,
It would be at your doorstep on a winter’s night,
Sitting just below that Christmas tree,
Singing Christmas carols all night long.

If there is a place in this world I want to be,
I just want to be by myself all night,
Nothing more than just to look outside the window,
Forgetting about day light, just looking at the snow.

What does Count Dracula has to do with Christmas?

When Dracula was pronounced to be vanished from the surface of the earth, i'm here trying to jam my head in the refrigerator... now what am i trying to get to. When everyone is nicely dressed and has already started their christmas shopping in Midvalley, i guess i was the only one in a million to be stuck, wondering what would be the best christmas present for a friend of mine. Well, nothing in particular comes to mind, but seriously, come to think of it, i don't even enjoy christmas season or any other seasons which needed much celebration.

When lil' children are begging their parents to get them the finest clothes, i sat just watching how nice it was to become a child again. Well, it's not like my mom would ever buy me something that i begged for, but just being carefree and making sure you would not let go of your mother's right hand are two wonderful things you would want to experience over and over again. Some teenagers went to the extant of going bargain hunting in MNG *whatz with gurls and MNG anywayz?*, i went to the nearest Giodarno outlet, wishing there were discount given to every single outfit i would like to purchase... guess my luck wasn't there with me at that very point of time.

Midvalley is history, let's talk about Petaling Street and the so-worth-it-clothes. I had fun just walking around and doing some shopping. Drinking Kopi 'O' in my uncle's shop was seriously refreshing after a days walk. Oh well, i dont even think i can sleep early tonight to get ready for a christmas celebration in Church tomorrow morning. Well, i do hope my cellies come up with a really interesting and facinating presentation....

What am i doing at 2 A.M.?

The fact that I am languorously tired and seriously needed to get some sleep truly bites me. It’s not like I had anything important that kept my mind occupied. Great, now it’s 2am in the morning and it’s as if I will be getting any sleep soon. Something, not someone, just kept appearing in my mind and I seriously didn’t want to think about it. Well, it’s not like I’ll ever benefit in whatever I am thinking of now.

Talking about ambiguous words the other day with a bunch of friends, I finally find out that ‘love’ has no one true definition. Correct me if I am wrong, no one came up with the exact same definition. Everyone seems to have their own definition to the word ‘love’. So, what’s so scary with that word that shiver in the middle of the night and even being afaid to get some sleep?

I was watching a romantic comedy the other day – Sleepless Night in Seattle – what kept me thinking was the part Meg Ryan left her fiancé to meet up with ‘Mr. Mystery’ (Tom Hanks that called himself ‘Sleepless Night in Seattle’) and then ‘BOOM’ there, they fell in love all of a sudden. Well, it is not as if it was anyone’s problem, but I just find it weird. It’s like suddenly you feel the urge to meet up with an anonymous persona who has somehow, out of the blue, sent you an email telling you that it was love at first sight from the moment he saw you coming down from the escalator of a shopping mall.

So I sat here thinking and thinking; if I ever, mysteriously, get to meet someone and suddenly felt that I was unconsciously falling in love with him, what will happen? Doesn’t sound like a big a deal after all because it does happen in life. If it does, then why am I sitting here thinking about this? Sleep was what I needed now, but it is somehow taken away from me because of these thoughts which are now lingering in my mind. These surreal thoughts are driving me insane. With a wave of my ‘magic wand’, it never wanted to leave me alone. What I need now is an alone time, just once, being ignorant of the outcome of unconscious love, being kept away from ever wanting to fall in love after a hurtful afternoon.

*it's late, and i seriously do not know what the heck i'm crapping about in here... off to bed!

Pay The Price (poem of anger)

This was how it went... was kindda in a bad mood, so i thought, just fantasize a guy and then suddenly, i just got the inspiration to write this. Enjoy!

When nothing touches the ground,
You’re standing right there like no one cares,
You should have been given the crown,
But you had the emotions that no one has.

This was the first lesson I’ve learnt,
Never to walk in the shoes of a stranger,
Now the memories just burn,
Days gone by and things got weirder and weirder.

So what if you do not have a single clue,
About the days that I am going through,
Not like you care so much about asking,
You left me here just sinking.

How deep can it hurt?
Tomorrow is a brand new day for me,
Now, where should I start?
You know well that nothing comes for free.

Pay the price and be gone with it,
I wouldn’t want you to stay to break my heart,
There is nothing in my dairy left for you to read,
Just a broken heart that needs mending,
And now, I shall keep the doors shut.

The seasons are gone for long,
I’m back here keeping my head up high,
I'm now here to prove everything you said were wrong,
Haven’t you regretted for the things you’ve said to me before?

Pay the price and be gone with it,
There is nothing yet to loose for another day,
Pay the price, so to speak,
Tomorrow comes and you’ll be gone with the wind!

Christmas On My Mind...?

Everyone around me seems to be having a good time thinking of how to celebrate this festive season. As for me, i am still in a holiday mood but exclude the seasonable fun which i should be thinking of from now. Well, it's not like i dont like Christmas, is just that, i guess i have been on holiday for too long and it does not give me the mood to celebrate. So help me!

Well, cousins were back since Sunday and they will be gone tomorrow. Let's see, what have i been doing this 4 days. Well, it doesn't seem like i benefited in these 4 days besides of going shopping and having to meet up with Jack and have fun just fooling around with the pool table. Oh well, it's nice to win, but when you keep winning, you find that is wasn't at all challenging and you want to call the whole thing off.

Problem now is that my cell group members are to come up with a presentation on Christmas day and we got to present it in front of the entire church members. It will be fun, but i thought of caroling cause i love to sing and looking forward to forming a choir. The problem is, i'm 2 hours away from K.L. and i am not coming close to paying my church members and my cellies a visit. I seriously don't mind going to K.L. for the weekend if i dont have a class reunion on Friday (17th of December). It wouldn't be nice to cancel it as i really do wanna meet my group of friends... it has been ages since i last meet up with them.

10 ways to find out whether your friendship is going down the drain

"In the End, we will remember not the words of our enemies, but the silence of our friends."
- Martin Luther King Jr. (1929-1968)

10 ways to find out whether your friendship is going down the drain:-

1. The person says that he or she got to go when you have something important to tell her over the phone.

- Best friends should always be there for each other. "Sorry but i got to go," doesn't sound like she/he is eager enough to know what you have to say or even want to know what your next sentence will sound like. So, forget about calling her/him again later in the evening... same thing will happen.

2. The person promises to call you back but failed to do so.

- One way or another, both of you call each other to talk over some issues the both of are facing. However, the all most popular phrase would be 'Hey, i got to go, call you back okay?'. Oh well, you just sat by the phone, just waiting for him/her to call back, guess what, she/he did not do so.

3. Forgetting your birthday

- Besides having your parents and siblings remember your birthday and having a surprise waiting for you to experience, on the other hand, your best friend forgets and later on he/she calls you to say 'happy belated birthday... i'm truely sorry', which of cause will be a month later.

4. Did not invite you to his/her birthday party.

- When you find out, his/her responds will be "Oh, i thought i told so-and-so to tell you, didn't he/she told you?" Pretty obvious that the person did not tell you, right?

5. Forgetting your phone number

- Now where did he/she put his/her phone book?

6. Doesn't sound interested when you tell them that you finally found what you were looking for.

- Well, first of all, best friends always have the intention to say 'hey, remember, when you find what you are looking for, let me be the first to know okay... promise?!'. So there you go, you give him/her a call and guess what... 'Oh really, oh wow, congrats...' and the conversation stops right... there!

7. Stays speechless when you are feeling the urge to pour out your problems

- Best friends always cheer up one another. And if they fail, at least you know someone still cares for you. However, besides of doing what a best friend should do, his/her responds was 'hrm....'; 'oh.....'; 'sorry....', or just dead silence. Well silence is golden, not when you need him/her most. Can't they just at least hear you out and give you a shoulder to cry on after that.

8. Coming to know that they backstabbed you one time which is enough to call the whole 'bestfriend' thing off!

- Yeah, sometimes you may not stand each other's attitude, but, he/she decided to tell the whole world how perfect she is and you are not.

9. Now he/she has a girlfriend/boyfriend, you don't seem to matter anymore.

- This happens, it always does without fail. So if your best friend has a girlfriend/boyfriend, it's time to send you packing and heading to the world of loneliness.

10. Conversations only last for a minute

- Hi and Bye, then later on 'I'll call you!'... I'm so not going to fall for that!

The Week Has Passed Miserably

I've been to places where time does not matter. What matters most was the rythmn of one's heart beat and the countless nights of hopes and dreams.

I'd lived in my own fantasies, creating an unfamiliar world around me. Just thinking about the time i spent sitting up in my room just thinking of how the world should be. And it ended up terrible as what's form in my world was similar to the world that i am living in now.

Oh well, when the world is in the midst of finding out who the next most powerful country is going to be and with the Ukraine elections going on, me... i was just sitting in the living room, crowning myself as the next 'potato coach' champion. I was hoping that i will get into the Book of World Records by beating the rest in being a full-time potato coach. From a movie to the next, all i need to do is to sit in the living room and change DVD's when i finish one movie.

Let's see, what has been my entertainment for this week...

1. My cousin came for a visit. Usually, when my cousin comes, we will start challenging each other on who will be the next person to be anounced Queen of Vampires (staying up late at night). Well, yet of cause, no one could ever beat me in this. However, through out the one week, seems to me like there aint anyone who won the prize. So i guess it would be snowballed to the next meeting.

2. Movie Marathon. Now this may sound fun, but no, we don't waste money just buying tickets and sitting in the cinema and munching on popcorns and sipping on cokes. All we do was went shopping for DVDs as well as VCDs in the nearby stall. After getting the movies that we wanted, the nightmare begins. Well, to us was fun, but to my parents, it was just a nightmare for them cause we were occupying the living room, not even close to leaving space for them to watch their favorite tv show. *haha* Well, again, we watch till our eye lids are getting too heavy to stay open.

3. Movie watched. How To Loose A Guy In 10 Days (for a good laugh), Taxi, My Big Fat Greek Wedding (3rd time this month), 2 Fast 2 Furious (what could i say? i love cars... 3rd time now), The Terminal (best movie of the year, watched it about 5 times now), Farenhite 9/11 (slept through the whole thing... hey, it's not even a movie; to me, it's like a movie which attracts 'sound sleepers'). Hrmm, the tv shows we watched were The Kumars at No. 42, Goodness Gracious Me, The Apparentice, For Love Or Money 4, Simple Life (got to watch the finale), and the latest... Miss World 2004 (The winner goes to Miss Peru... how am i not surprise... How the hack did Miss Poland got into the finals anywayz?)

4. Supper. Gosh, this is my all time nightmare. Promising myself never to touch a single food after dinner, but the temptation was strong and too hard to be overcome. Well, Maggie Mee was our all time favorite, and more coffee to win the all-so-popular game - Queen of Vampires. I feel truely and honestly guilty after the calories i have put on and the amount of carbohidrates i have taken into my body!!

5. Shopping and attended a fun fair in Wesley Church. Lets see, shopping had been popular among the girls, but come to think of it, we did not exactly shop for long hours, just window shopping and getting the stuff we needed. There came a time where we were so crazy over which PDA to get, but the price were too... well, how much do you think a PDA could cost!! The fun fair turned out to be a disaster, there weren't much to look at and not much things to consume. Oh well, we spend 1 hour getting breakfast and went home after that.

Oh well, amazing week... now, back to being a boring person.

Songs Downloaded This Week
1. John Tesh - Bastille Day
2. John Tesh - Great is Thy Faithfulness (piano version)
3. John Tesh - Valley of Dreams
4. John Tesh - Venezia
5. Innuendo - Belaian Jiwa
6. Anuar Zain - Keabadian Jiwa
7. Gloria Estefan - No Pretendo
8. Il Divo - Regresa A Mi (Unbreak My Heart)
9. Il Divo - Nella Fantasia
10. Sting - Field Of Gold

The Chances Are... Slim Part 2

All you need was just a conversation with the guy you once came to love. He did not reject for a minute of decent conversation the other night, but you found out, it wasn’t enough to find out what he had been up to.

You wait by the phone as he promised to call you. Seconds passed, than minutes slipped right before your eyes. When it came to the last hour where you decided to fade into the fantasy world, your phone rang all of a sudden.

Your heart leaped, you managed to take a deep breath before placing your hand on the receiver and picking it up, uttered the word ‘hello’.

Is it you? I called to ask how are you doing and I guess you might be doing just fine.

It was not a greeting that you have expected. You thought to yourself, you were not doing fine after that dream the other night. You wanted so much to tell him what the dream was all about. After all, it involved him. The picture of the other night’s dream was not clear, but you managed to remember the things he told you.

But wait a second; the person on the other line wasn’t him. It was your best friend calling to ask how you were doing. Dumbstruck, you set aside your misery and let yourself sustain the conversation. Your eye lids were heavy, you wanted to end the conversation for the night but felt guilty.

I am tired sweetheart, can I call you tomorrow? You heard yourself say.

Judging by the tone of his voice, you knew he was mad at you. However, you couldn’t care much as you wanted so much to be in bed.

Good bye then, I’ll call you tomorrow, if you ever want to talk about what’s on your mind!

Smiling to yourself, you replaced the receiver properly, switched off the lights in the living room and went straight to bed. You glace at the computer screen to see whether he left you a message. A tear caught in your eye lids, you wiped it off with your index finger.

What am I waiting here… he’s never coming online. If he does... will he ever speak to me again after what had happened?

The night of dreams

You pushed the gate open… door after door. At last, you came to wonderful, breathtaking, extraordinary garden with fountains and red, yellow and pink roses. Where has all the birds gone?

In the centre of the garden stood a round table. On top of it was a purple envelope which contained an anonymously written letter. With trembling hands, you picked it up, tore open the envelope and unfold the letter. Every word was written in Italics. The handwriting was clear and it reminded you of the same handwriting of the one you loved.

To the one that shares her ups and downs with me,

At this moment in time, there is one thing I tried to express and it was not something I think she would like to hear, but were the things that I needed to say to let her know how I feel. In my deepest concern, I know she have feelings towards me which I could never accept. It would hurt her and indeed this I know. There is just one thing she needed to know is that she has been wonderfully my companion and my worrier for the past few years. Our friendship blossomed abruptly which made her misunderstood of my motives. She deserves someone wonderful and that loves her more than anyone in this world. I failed as a lover and I could never offer her the best happiness she can get and never wish to try.

I’m in doubt of ever finding a friend like her ever again. I am scared of the day that she will not give me that smile of hers that melted the hearts of thousands. I never wish to tell her this but I had once loved her but I have to stop as I know my heart is with another. Forgive me dear, do tell her that I am embarking on a journey to eternal friendship. I would wish to go beyond but I never will find the horizon where the sun always sets.

Love always,
Someone who’s concern of your safety

Who did he share his ups and downs with besides you? He told you about his life, the wonderful moments both of you had shared... but... who is that person he shows much affection towards? Could the one he is falling for be the one the letter is addressed to? In an instance, you know that it wasn't you.

This was not supposed to be read by you. You’ve unfold his secrets which were kept from you all this while. You tried your best to think what you should do next. Blank… darken by the worst thought you could ever think of…

RUN!

If the letter wasn’t for you to read, then who was it addressed to? Who was he sharing his thoughts with? You don’t want to know. All you wanted to do was to get out of the garden, back to the doors you went through. You want to step out of this nightmare and shut the door on your way out and never visit it ever again.

You found yourself in pain. Your stomach hurts. Your head started to spin. You don’t know why; you can never know why and never will. All you thought of was that letter now clutched in your right hand. Who was it for?

The Lyric I Came To Agree With

A beautiful song by Jim Brickman which has been one of my favorites.

Music: Jim Brickman
Title: Peace (Where The Heart Is)

On a city street somewhere,
Someone shoots a gun
In the midnight air.
And I don't know why.
Somebody lives, somebody dies;
Somebody wrongs and a mother cries.
And I don't know why.
Some things we'll never understand;
Other things you change if you can.

Chorus:
Peace, you'll find it where the heart is,
And the heart is right where love lives,
And love can always find a way.
Hope is something that reminds us,
It's not too late to find us.
One day we may be in peace.

Haven't spoken in thirty years
After angry words and bitter tears.
And I don't know why.
Best of brothers and best of friends;
One mistake and their story ends.
And I don't know why.
Some things we'll never understand;
Other things you change if you can.

Chorus

It's all about forgiveness;
With God as my witness
I wanna live to see peace.

Chorus

Never Want To... I Don't Want To (Poem)

I don't know why i wrote this... no particular reason and meaning

Never want to fly like the birds in the sky
Never want to know what my life’s worthwhile
Never want to see your face in the crowd
Never want to know what the next life’s like.

I just want to sit at home with the TV on
I don’t want to sit beside the telephone
I don’t want to have the lights turned on,
Just want to sit in the dark for the night

Never want to run a thousand miles
Never want to ever see you smile
Never want to read your lips
Telling me you loved me all time round

Never want to know what tomorrow brings
Never want to see the sunset again
Never want to hear the voice of your call
Never want to sit to wait for the fall

What I want to do is to sleep in the dark
Want to hold my pillow tight till tomorrow comes
Thinking of the sharks in the deep blue sea
I wouldn’t want you to be next to me.

Back From Wherever I've Been

It seriously is great to be back. First of all, thank God for the successful and pleasant trip to China. Very interesting place to go to for a holiday... and not to forget, for endless shopping too. What sucked was that we need to take a bus down to the Penang International Airport at 4am in the morning reached the airport about 6am. We took a 7am flight to Bangkok, and then another transit to ShangHai. It was about 3 hours and 45 minutes flight from Bangkok to ShangHai. We were then greeted by a bubbly and professional tour guide, and again, we have to sit in the bus from the airport to the city of ShangHai. Another 1 hour and a half ride to the city.

Dinner on the first night was terrible. I was feeling abit nausea, so i did not get the chance to have a feast. Well, it was just the first night, and there is a saying that the first impression is the most important of all. After the food that we ate on the first night, my the enthusiasm of looking forward to eating the food in China was practically low. Well, this actually explains why most of us went to KFC or McDonalds for supper every day. The food in China was either too oily or too salty. Oh yeah, we were given a chance to taste the Peking Duck. Oh wow, you can actually see the oil oozing out as well as the layers and layers of fats contained. Trust me, i never taste a single one.

On the 2nd day, we proceeded to Hang Zhou. It was another hour ride on the bus. Just listening to the tour guide speak actually increases my nausea level. So instead of listening to some interesting thing he has to say, i had my discman on and was fast asleep (not advicable for a person on tour to do that actually).

The places that i have been to were TongLi, WuXi, Nanjin, SuZhou and back to ShangHai. The interesting places which interest me were The Nanjing Yangtze River Bridge, Lake Tai (known as the third largest freshwater lake in China. It encompasses 2,425 square kilometres. Lake Tai's banks touch 38 cities), and Tang City. If you were to ask me which was my favorite, i would have to say the Tang City.

A little desciption on the listed places that interest me

The Nanjing Yangtze River Bridge provides a vital link between North China and the fertile fields of South China. The construction of the bridge began in Jan 18, 1960 and was completed in Dec. 29, 1968. At the sides of the bridge stands 4 towers. One of the towers housed the visitor's briefing room and where a fine model of the bridge is placed. The .6 Kilometres long bridge is 2 tiered with the top level for vehicles (about 4,589 metres long and 19.5 metres wide) and the lower one for trains (6,772 metres ong double deck and 14 metres wide). A total of 100,000 tons of steel and one million tons of cement were used for the construction of the bridge. Standing at the top of the briefing room tower was great. It gives you a clear view of the Southern and Northern China.

Lake Tai was another amazing site. Well, do not think it is just a lake but it is the third largest in China. It is as large as 4 Singapore put together or a total of 2 city of ShangHai put together. Another interesting site was the Movie Land of Three Kingdom City and Water Margin City (also known to be the Tang City). This landmark provides 'Tang Dynasty Style' architecture and is one of the scenic spots of Wu Xi Lake Tai Movies and Television Base of CCTV, for the purpose of shooting film and television series in ancient custome. In order to provide producers with kinds of scenery, from the year 1987, nearly 100 scenic spots were built and constructed. For instance, the Tang Palace, Agalloch Eaglewood Pavilion, Lishan Drawing Pavilion, Tang Street, Imperial Garden, Immortal Appears, Dufu Poetry Hall and more. The Movie Land demonstrates the style of the imperial city of the Tang Dynasty. Because of its amazing sceneries, it is the place that provides good function to shoot movies and television series. However, that's not all, it includes a studie of 720 quare metres, prop rooms and I were costume rooms in various sizes. It also provides producers with accomodation and entertainment. While we were there, we were given a chance to see actresses and actors live as they were filming a set. Of cause, we have to be quiet.

So, these are the sites which interest me. Another two interesting sites were Dr. Sun Yet-Sen's Mausoleum and Song Ching Ling's (a famous politician, an exponent of the world peace movement, and one of the founders of the People's Republic of China). I had a fun time visiting Dr. Sun Yet-Sen's mausoleum. But it was tiring to spend a total of 10 to 15 minutes climbing up a flight of stairs to were Dr. Sun Yet-Sen's was buried (in order word's, the memorial hall).

Alright, so these are the places which i have been too and have enjoyed. Places where we shopped at were Nanjing Road and the Confusious Temple. I managed to get Secret Garden's Once in A Red Moon Album, Yundi Li's Chopin Album and George Winston's Montana - A Love Story Album. Alrighty, that's all for now.

I'm Leaving on Thai Airlines

A week has gone since the holidays first started. The week was not really spiritually fruitful, so i guess i would need to be a shame of myself. It is hard to stick to the Bible and spending time to talk to God when my mind is only focusing on onlining and chatting with my pals. Many of you told me that you will be back sometime in November... Audrey Lian and Shariman, if the both of you are reading this entery of mine, do give me a call or an sms to my handphone when you people are back... I miss you people so much!! Hopefully we can meet up and hang out together... seriously looking forward to that.

I read 1 Chronicles chapter 16 the other day and i found something which was beautifully written - The Psalm of Thanksgiving - David's psalm to God.

8 'Give thanks unto the LORD, call upon his name, make known his eeds among the people,
9 'Sing unto him, sing psalms unto him, talk ye of all his wondrous works,
10 'Glory ye in his holy name: let the heart of them rejoice that seek the LORD.
11 'Seek the LORD and his strength, seek his face continually,
12 'Remember his marvellous works that he hath done, his wonders, and the judgements of his mouth;
13 'O ye seed of Israel his servant, ye children of Jacob, his chosen ones.
14 'He is the LORD our God: his judgements are in all the earth.
15 'Be ye mindful always of his covenant; the word which he commanded to a thousand generations.'

This is just an extract from 1 Chronicles Chapter 16. (16:8-15). I found it really beautiful and just thought of jotting it down here in my entery. It made me think of the blessings everyday which are gifts from God; my safety, my family's happiness, my family's and friends' safety. It's just touches me to know that God has always been there even though how many times in a day, when i have a chance to talk to Him, i just pushed Him away. I want to bless the name of the LORD forever and ever!

My favorite verse in 1Chronicles 16 is verse 34.

34 'O give thanks unto the LORD; for he is good; for his mercy endureth for ever.

Okay, i'll be flying off to China for a holiday. I do hope that it would be a benefitial trip and, not to use the word dull, hopefully it will be of excitement. I am more interested in the food actually and side-seeing. Okay now, i better go pack my bags, will be leaving early in the morning. I would not much sleep at home, but hopefully will manage to sleep on the airplane. Do pray for a safe journey, thank you!

For Love or Money 3...

I woke up at 10am today morning and wow, am i late to fetch my bro back from tuition. Ignoring the fact that i have to put on my contact lenses to drive, i just took my glasses and went on with it. Yep, i have blur vision. I have not really washed my face entirely and feel half dead. But don't worry, i managed to drive all the way to my bro's tuition centre and pick him up before i get scolding from him. Yeah, it's just normal for little brothers to bully their big sisters.

Oh, the entire afternoon wasn't at all enjoyable for me. I have a serious tummy ache and went to bed right after i hit the toilets. Oh well, besides of feeling guilty after all the food i gobbled up during lunch, i went for Pizza with my mom and my siblings. Oh, now i am seriouly full and i still, unbelievable enough, i went to get something else to munch after dinner... man, i am wondering how i am suppose to go on a diet when i was genuinely being serious about it, well, weeks ago!!.. haha..

I watched 'Young Posh and Loaded' and oh wow, this young Russian Chick by the name Anna actually go out spending 500 to 700 pounds on a pair of shoes. And she can spend 150 million pounds in a matter of a year. Man, and the whole amount that she spent could somehow feed a whole third world country. Check it out... i wouldn't want to spend my money just like that, it's like flushing it down the toilet bowl and never gonna see it ever again in my entire life!! I wonder what if her dad suddenly goes bankrupt? WIth no job and being a spender, i think she will end up in the streets penniless.

For people who follows the reality show 'For Love or Money 3'... tell me about it... Preston is so... i couldn't really find a word to describe him!! First Andrea is gone and then Rebecca must go... man, doesn't he know that he is eliminating the wrong gurls... if you ask me, Rachel has the 'i am in for the $1,000,000' look written all over her face. Are guys that blind? I think it goes to both female and male. We seem to be falling for the wrong people.

What i think is the definition of 'Glass Ceiling'
*Eddie, i seriously do not know the true definition of 'glass ceiling', but, what i think is probably a person trying to reach to the top but at the end, he does not know that what he achieved was how far he can get as there is like an invisible glass limiting him to further achievements. For example, the UN is always talking about Peacekeeping, but at the end of the day, they can only try sending peacekeeping troops to batter fields and trying to find out what is truely the situation in these battle fields and try their best to make peace. But i don't think their intentions are applicable cause they could only go as far as sending peace keeping troops, but to achieve 'PEACE', they are just hitting the glass ceiling (they can only go as far as doing their best to help civilians who are victimize in war). Yeah, i think that is what it means by 'Glass Ceiling' (i don't know whether you get my point, but yeah, thatz what i think... haha, if you cant get my point, then i doubt that Mr. Tang will too... but hey, i did not answer this question in the exam.. so wrong gurl to ask!!)

Goodbye 1st Year, Hello Holidays

Yippie!! The exams are finally over. Phew, sat for 2 hours just completing my INT1020 examination and guess what, i don't think i even care!! haha. Oh well, all i can do now is to wait for the results to come out on the 6th of December and i will get to know how 'well' i flared. I doubt that i will score high in the exam as my procrastination was in the way. On Friday, Audrey, Zeck, Eddie, Aaron, Eva, Ayushna and I went to school for a group study. Things did not turn out the way it suppose to be. First of all, we came out with a plan of everyone doing on their presentation topics at different spots. However, we started having this little gathering in the computer lab.

Oh well, it did not turn out absolutely useless, we actually did a little on what we are suppose to do. Oh hey, didn't know Zeck was serious when it comes to studying and getting answers for the sake of doing well in the exams. Man, the credit goes to Zeck in particular!! Anywayz, we had fun just sitting in the computer lab discussing about nothing much. The key concepts that we spotted were Global Village, Indegenious People, Digital Divide, Sustainable Development, Sustainablity, Pandemic and Fundamentalism. What came out was the opposite. But we manage to answer 'Indegenious Peoples' so i guess we would get our points from there. Again, hope is the word as now things are finally over. Now, let me not go into the world of regrets and 'if'.

Oh hey, i am beginning to miss everyone, now that i am back in Ipoh and wished that i could stay longer in KL just for the sake of hanging out with Ayushna and gang. I have to miss 'Taxi' when i seriously wanted so much to watch it. So i guess i need to find people to hang out with in Ipoh so that i could go for the 'Taxi' movie. Looking at the bright side, i am sure glad that i came back to Ipoh fast. I missed my dogs and Winnie (my female labrado dog) looked glad to meet me, but champion seemed to be hiding in his cannal. Oh well, can't blame him, it's raining pretty heavily and i couldn't believe Winnie came out to meet me when it is pouring.

Oh, came back from KL 1 hour ago and i rushed to the net just to see who is online. Played Solitaire Showdown with Jin, chatted with Debbie and Rohit, played Hexic with Debbie then. Man, i seriously need a challenger for Solitaire Showdown... after playing half way with Jin, he said that he got to go do some house chores... wow, my guy friends need to learn from him!! haha, seriously... major big time!! Anywayz, i was suppose to unload my stuff from the car but was too lazy to do so. Hey, can't blame me, i just got back from KL and i just finished my exams like ermmm.... few hours ago *_*. Neh, guess i am just plain lazy...

Alright, what to do tomorrow. Will be meeting up with Jonathan since he came to Ipoh for a visit. I don't even think that i could wake up that early in the morning for breakfast. Say, at 9am, that's just a killer for me! I could just make up my mind and say, 'NO'. Haha, well, it has been a long time since i last met Jonathan face to face, and i don't even remember how he looks like. Oops, he better not read this entry of mine... ah, what the hack...

So, where to go for breakfast? I think i should get out more often, i don't even know where is the best place for breakfast in Ipoh.. such a lamer. Anywayz, i think i'll just pen off now. I don't know what else to write...

*to people who are looking at this blog page of mine... happy holidays and all the best if you are sitting for upcoming exams!! haha... ooops

Me, Myself, and a Cup of Tea

Two down, one more to go and i can call my 1st year of being stuck in stuffy lecture halls when the temperature is either too cold or too... not so cold (it is not like it had ever been once where i feel the heat). Anywayz, i was suppose to be studying for COM1020 yesterday but end up falling asleep. Having promised myself to get up at the middle of the night... oh well, at approximately 3 a.m, that is like the time that i usually have the mood to study or even bring out a novel to read. However, when my alarm went off, i just cleck on the 'snooze off' button and went back to sleep only to find myself waking up at 6.15a.m. without a chance to revise the work that i am suppose to.

I do hope what i crapped in the paper would make good sense to the lecturer. I sure do hope that it will be enough to get me a high credit..., if that is not the case, then i will be so so so dead... oh well, hopefully i wont think of lacking off for my INT1020 paper. After the exam, i went with Ayushna, Eva and Zac for a movie... Oh well, we decided to go for different movies. Ayushna, Eva and Zac went for the 'White Chicks' movie which i did not pay much attention to it. I went for the 'Stepford Wives' movie and found it amazing and astonishing in away.

Nope, not another summary of what i think of the movie... maybe in my next entery when i really do have the mood to write. Anywayz, i am getting into the mood of completing my reading of the book i've just consumed today ... "Tuedays with Morrie" by Mitch Albom. It is a true story though....

Below is an abstract which i find pretty amazing and true...

"So many people walk around with a meaningless life. They seem half-asleep, even when they're busy doing things they think are important. This is because they are chasing the wrong things. The way you get meaning into your life is to devote yourself into loving others, devote yourself to your community around you, and devote yourself to creating something that gives you a purpose and meaning," By Mitch Albom, 'Tuesdays with Morrie' pg. 43.

MKW1120 ...... Finally Put To An End

The Dos and Donts while studying for MKW1120

These are what I've learnt while studying for my Marketing Theory and Practice examination. Well, it is pretty a last minute thing as i have no choice but to draw in the nature of procratination. Here goes.

1. Never ever let your friends tell you what to study. Deal with your own instincts and your own judgement on what will be in your exam paper the next day!
Well, I have been calling up John, Ken (as usual, never would pick up my phone), Angel, smsing Karin and Allyson (never would want to sms me back)... the reason why i called and sms was to find out what are they studying... Since the lecturer and tutor said something about ..." you can choose the chapters/topic you want to study".... yep! Bingo, that make sense =) Asking what your friends' would likely study for the paper would increase tension and also shaken your nervous systems (somehow)

2. Procrastination may sometimes lead to success (well, can't prove this yet cause i may be too confident in a way).
Because of the rush that i am in to finish up my News Feature Writing assignment... i need to find a way to study 18 Chapters in 2 days... i wasted my time on the first day, which is de Saturday (23-10-04) and started building up pace on Sunday (24-10-04). Yep, if you guessed that i missed church, you are absolutely right. But i did not miss prayers... yes yes, i did miss the chance to have an indepth study on the Bible (feeling pretty guilty now). So i ended up studying marketing... Chapter1,2,3,10,and 11. Hrmm.... good choice though!

3. Never sleep when you don't remember what you've studied...
True, sleep does not matter when it comes to examination period. The more you sleep, the more tired you get and the more you can't seem to remember stuff (this, of cause, comes to my own evaluation of my studying habits before the exams) if you cant do what i did, then don't WAIT TILL THE LAST MINUTE!!

4. Giving credit to Eddie G., use at least 45 minutes to an hour to study the chapters that you intend to study. And when the 45 minutes or the one hour is up, and if you havent finish studying the chapters you are at, skip it and go to the next chapter... then when you have the time later at night, go back and study what you have not finished.
This works.... thanks!

5. During the hour before the exam, do keep in mind that reading or revising what you have studied may just leave you with a total headache. Whatever you do, relax and look at the bright side... for you Christians out there... Do have faith in God, you know He exists in your life

6. While in the examination hall, when you are given 10 minutes of reading time, do not READ, pray instead.... do not look left or right, just stare at the front page of the paper and start thinking of the nicest song you have ever heard in your life (Safri Duo!!....) and when the examiner say start... then, aha, it is time to catch up on the reading (not a wise choice, but i do that always :P).

7. Once you are done, don't go back to check what you have written, this will implant or increase tension in the atmosphere you are in... just go with the flow and say 'Thank God for your Grace upon me!' and stop feeling nervous of what you have written in your paper.

8. And finally... smile!!!!

Here you go folks, hope this helps... well for me it does.. remember... use your own judgement haha!!

All In A Day's Work

I've finally finished my assignment yesterday night and it took me about, hrm... I somehow forgotten about the time I started typing out my assignment. All I knew was that I finished it at 3.05am in the morning. After that, i found myself still wide awake when it is already pass my bedtime.

So I started my 'Late Night, Part 2' and try finishing it. When I was writing and writing... suddenly, I just felt dizzy and made up my mind to get some sleep before dawn comes. So I did, and it wasn't a peaceful sleep. I woke up in between hours and find myself either being too cold or too hot.

I know that it will be pretty absurd to say that i finally woke up at 10.30am. Isn't it pretty predictable in a sense. A person sleeping way too early in the morning, and needed to complete a total of 8 hours sleep and finally woke up at the sound of the television downstairs and not the alarm clock that went off 2 hours before my actual 'wake-up' time. As usual, i walk into the bathroom and stop dead. Oh well, it's just me... i forgot my facial wash that is left in my closet and my towel which I somehow forgotten that it has been sent for washing. So I walked to my closet, get the things i wanted, and walked back to the bathroom. Now, i sat at the potty and wonder what am i doing next after my 'lil' business. Oh yeah, I forgot! I was suppose to fetch one of my friends to school and bummer, i woke up late! So, there I go, after my lil' business, i went walking straight back towards my bedroom, picked up the phone and dail his number... Argh, i give up... he isn't there when i desperatly needed an answer to my question. Yeah, if you are wondering, he is the only person that knows the answer to my question!

I don't even know why i bother telling my morning senarios to whoever might be reading this. Anywayz, going on to complete today's blog. Yeah, where was I, oh yes! Okay, so, i went back to the bathroom, thinking of where i left my toothbrush the other night and... oh yeah, found it! So i did what i needed to do next and have my face washed, contact lenses put on and here I go, off the bathroom and downstairs for breakfast just to find that it wasn't waiting for me.

Forget about breakfast, i took my car keys off the rack and went straight towards my car. Oh yeah, not forgetting my 'Safri Duo's CD. Needed something to 'tune' me up for the day since i won't be fetching my friend to school! There goes, off to school and into the computer lab after i arrived.

Passed up my assignment, ready to go off to wherever i feel like going. So i went to the cafeteria and waited for my friend to finish his exams so that we can decide where to go next. We hit the cinemas for the latest Steven Spielberg movie, The Terminal staring Tom Hanks and Catherine Zeta-Jones. Wow, some marvelous film directed by Steven. It is a really worth-watching-again-and-again film i suppose. I've already plan to get a vcd from the very start, but, to get a good one will cost be a bomb, so i shall wait for my uncle to consume one so that i can just get it from him!

Viktor Navorski (Tom Hanks) is a visitor in the United States that needs to go to New York so badly but found out that he is the owner of a passport that leads to nowhere. So he is stranded at the John F. Kennedy Airport and does not have authorization to get him anywhere in America. Since that wherever he came from was going through a war period, his visa and passport seemed to be barred because of the war. Some political confusion! Anywayz, so, he had no choice but to stay in the terminal. He got a job as a construction worker, met a stranger, Amelia(Catherine Zeta-Jones), played as a match-maker, meet new friends and finally got what he wanted after the misery he has been put through.

I am definately watching it again... it's worth the money (RM7... if you have a student ID during weekdays of cause). Oh well, guess i got to stop here and go back to my studies. Marketing exams on monday and i havent even prepare a single bit!! Oh well, so... off i go for now!

Movie Review

KNX/CBS Radio
Jim Svejda

"Warm, funny and endearing, 'The Terminal' is one of Steven Spielberg's most completely entertaining movies in years."

*I agree with the remarks he gave on 'The Terminal'!

Good Morning America
Joel Siegel

"The summer's great date film."

"Catherine Zeta-Jones is terminally gorgeous."

"Tom Hanks never ceases to amaze me."

*What could I say, Tom Hanks is pretty charming in this film. Pretty captivating i should say

Late Night, Part 2

Remember me when you fly off to wherever you are going…

So where is she going? I can’t believe the words that just came out of my own mouth. Again, I am lost. It has been too long I have known her. I thought I know her better than her other friends do, but, I was so wrong. What exactly do I know about her?

Unceasing nights of cracking brains, figuring out what she meant in my life made me find a peculiar reason to have an alternative best friend. I know that this sounds so wrong, but she is far beyond comprehension.

I am staying up late at night, practically figuring out what to do with her being the main source of confusion in my life. Here, Lionel Richie is singing in my ear, saying things will be fine as he wants to be free. I want freedom the same way he does, just to fly away and be with someone who knows I existed.

Rewind and freeze… she knows I existed, she knows I will be there for her whenever she needs me. She knows that she will have my forgiveness whatever happens next in life that includes me unveiling my anger in public because of her. Huh… what will be happening in the future that build up such anger in me that could not be hidden within me? Why review it to the public? So, what is the focal reason of me abandoning her, letting her fly off to wherever she is going… alone!

You are all I ever wanted, and my arms are open wide,
Cause you know just want to say and you know just what to do,
I want to tell you so much, I Love You.

Her favorite lyric from Lionel Richie’s “Hello” is somehow stuck in my mind. Could it be that someone is loving her that I might not know of. Maybe she likes someone that I do not know about. It is somehow as if she will ever tell me about her heart feelings towards a guy. Oh no, this makes me think… is she liking someone that I once loved?

So what if she does. It is not like I could possibly ever have the chance to stop her from doing so. Again, the question that needs an answer, who is she in my life? My best friend or is she just an acquaintance who has been taken as a ‘human-time-bomb’ subconsciously by me and waiting for it to explode and then slowly evaporate from my life. Why do I think of such things? I never meant to show my hatred towards her in my heart. It somehow came to my mind and I am feeling dizzy that I could somehow be unconscious any moment in time.

No wait, she once did fell for the one I love. Long story and I don’t want to speak of it ever again! Not even utter a word about it! The pain of unknown, or should I say, unrealized utterance could be pure and agonizing to my life for all I know. The incident has made me cry; it has drained the colors off my face. I want to take no notice of the incident again. I want it to somehow vanish away from my mind. How could that happen? I dream, I think, I recall… that is what humans are supposed to do right?

If I take a chance to step in another world, maybe I could never then dream again. What if I never can see her again? Never see the smile on her face, could never hear her tone of voice whenever she call for me to hear her out. What if she cries and I would not be there for her? I am drowning in darkness; drowning in silence… slowly being absorbed into space where no one could ever hear when I scream at the top of my lungs.

Hey, my plane will be leaving in 10 minutes. Do you have anything else you want to say before I go off?

The voice seems to be coming from a distance. Looking at her through blurry, tearful eyes, I gave her a questionable look. She smiled and just waved goodbye...

*I could not somehow think of a good conclusion to write... so i guess this article of mine is pretty much hanging in 'midair'

Do I Get Credit For This!!

Alright, first of all, I am suppose to be focusing on completing my assignment for News Feature Writing. It is worth 40% and I do not think I am doing a pretty good job in trying to achieve a high credit or a mere distinction! I am somehow waiting for a miricale to drop down from the sky. Oh well, this thought actually made me think of the teenage flick 'Sabrina and the Teenage Witch'.

Bummer... it is not like me to think of such things at this point of time. I need to be researching on 'Alpha Omega Program' and 'Christ Centered Leaning Program'. In case you guys are kindda blur of what in the world do AOP and CCLP mean. These programes are homeschooling programes where they provide homeschooling resources online. Now, now, don't need to stare me in the eye, telling me that i am insane... or the ever favorite remark i get... Are you mad?

Oh cool, i should try the diagnostic test and see where i stand in my learning abilities... not!! Hrmm, brain... think... brain... function... brain... go to bed! Yikes, wait, now that's not right. Could not afford to fall asleep in bed and not finishing my assignment first... GURL... it's worth 40%... if you dont get it the first time... here it goes... it is worth FOURTY PERCENT!!

Tell me about it!! Okie... after my assignment... nope, can't sleep yet... I've got revision to do. If you think your life is bad.... analyse mine!!

Draining Colours in Life

I somehow seem to be dreaming my life away. It took me quite sometime to find out that the colours in my vision has somehow gone down the drain. Don't ask me why. I never could find the answer. Maybe it is because I feel that life is just another painted picture. Colourless, or so to say... standing here looking at a black and white picture of me, my friends and my family did not bring back memories but instead made me look to into the future.

Searching for a silver lining after every bad things happened in life. I stare in the mirror, just looking at myself for the longest time... I would somehow wonder to myself... Life is just so beautiful, but why drain off the colours of my painted picture in mind?

I like walking in darkness during dusk. I like thinking how life has been so wonderful that I wish I could share it with someone I love. It does not mean that I won't have a chance to share, but, it is just that I could never paint that picture... the picture with the man of my dreams beside me. I don't know what colours should I use. I don't know the symbolism of colours.

So i painted it with a little blue and white, then a little red and orange, later in the evening, i changed the colours to black and white. Now, this is the way life goes... Early in the morning, your picture seem to be covered with the colours of blue, green, purple and pink. Later on in the afternoon, it starts changing into pure red and orange. When you start questioning about what's next in life... suddenly you found out that, when night comes, when the sun dissapears from the horizon, everything starts turning brown, then grey, then it left you with total pitch black that symbolizes darkness and loneliness.

My life is born in chains, now colours are drained... times are getting harder to get along. Moments of life need to be recall; needed to be changed. I kept on living in illusion, where noone is wrong or right. Kept on having hallucination, thinking that my love was there. My future is blur, that counts my vision. It is not visible to anyone, only God knows where I will be the next day when i get out of bed.

*This is just a crappy entery!!!!!

The Chances Are......Slim

Sad isn't it... when someone tells you that he or she could never be with you. All he treated you was strictly as friends and he seems to not want anything special going on between the both of you. So, all of a sudden, you just sit up in your room with the lights off, thinking of sweet memories of the two of you; sipping on coffee at the nearest cafe or having lunch at the Renaissance Hotel. When the Celtic music of 'Sona' by Secret Garden just started playing on your CD player, it reminded you of the walks you took with him. Just sauntering along the sandy beach; exchanging views of the world today. Hugging your bolster tightly and tears started streaming down your cheeks. Whenever you reach for a tissue, your tears would never stop its flow. Scattered was your tissue on the floor, but, too tired to gather them up neatly.

You sat for a long time on bed, just letting the memories dominate your sanity. You seem to be hypnotized by every word he had said in the past which were now replaying over and over again in your mind. You want it to stop, but it would never end. Those endless hurtful words he shouted and he seemed to have been excruciating you mentally. Because of those few abusive words that has been spoken through his mouth; through the person that you love most in your life. That does not sound like him at all. You never recall a day seeing him act this way. Suddenly, your emotions seem to be changing gradually. Firstly, you felt upset with the way he reacted, but now, you feel the anger burning in you. You do not know what to do next, you just hid under your sheets, put a pillow against your face and scream till your lungs feel sore.

Annoyed by what you did, you threw the covers off your bed and stood up to go to the bathroom. Just looking at your image in the mirror and screamed... "YOU FOOL". Yes, indeed, you have been such a fool to thrust your whole life at someone who doesn't even notice you; someone who doesn't even know you existed. What's the use for all the shattered tears and the agony felt when the opposite sex isn't feeling the same for you. It's time to go on you suddenly told yourself. The image shown in the mirror wasn't you at all. You smashed it and went to bed. You were then trying so hard to get some sleep.

In your dreams, you saw him again. He is having his arms outstretched to receive your embrace. You hesitated for a moment. Being fully awake, you knew that it was just a dream. You got a glimpse of him… now, was that tears you see in his eyes?

You asked yourself, why is he crying for me?

You stared, stunned. You were somehow stupefied.

What is it that he wants?

You continued building and implanting questions in your mind. Your mind just felt so heavy, you wanted to run... a substantial mile perhaps? How long can you last?

The voice of your deceased grandmother came back to haunt your mind… she told you once to never run from your problems as you will end up absorbing more. You wanted to settle it once and for all.

You stepped closer to him.

I am sorry... I need you here with me.

He spoke for the very first time in ages. Dazed; just looking at him made your heart felt insecure. Your heart started palpitating violently... hyperventilating... breathing in air... trying to be calm.

Do not panic, you advised yourself.

You seem to be mesmerized by his eyes.

The population of the world seems to be limited down to the both of you. Both of you were somehow standing in the lime light.

Something in him seemed to be astonishing and you would be so much so eager to find out. Suddenly, he spoke poetically, but, you could not seem to understand the meaning of his conveyed poem. Even though you understand wholly of each word he says, but the sentence of each line did not seem to form meanings. Somehow, it did not seem to connect.

Isn’t the moonlight looking pale tonight?
Just you and I underneath this ray of light.
Can’t you feel my craving heart?
It’s for you, can’t you see?
Blindness seems to engulf your innocent mind,
The mind of an infant I would have once knew.

You try to analyze the things he just said. However, the meaning does not seem to be at all comprehensible. You wanted truly to know what he said. You lifted your head; opened your mouth, not a single word had the chance to be uttered and he vanished.

Late Night, Part 1

Sometimes people could just be caught up in their own fantasies. They do not search for truth and live their life to the fullest in reality. Here I am again, listening to a song that once spiced up my life. But now, all I know is that I missed all my friends and there isn’t a song to end with it.

Farewell… may time bring us closer together. Now wait a minute, isn’t this fantasized thinking. How could your friends be near you when they are miles away from where you originally were? Time may bring us closer together when we do have a chance to keep in touch with each other. But, I mean, how many of us actually write decent mails to each other everyday of our lives and get on with work after a long email typed? Everyone now seems to be chasing time, running into career search, bumping into celebrities where they want to meet all their lives. I know that last statement of mine is a little sarcastic. Never live through it, never will know. Who knows, your closest friend may end up singing their hearts out in an open air concert for all you care and start giving the cold shoulder that says ‘I am popular and you aren’t’. That’s just life, we need to cope with it, or should I say, live with it.

Anyone who has ever been obsessed of becoming a super star? Well, I did when I was still a little kid. Singing karaoke in the middle of the night, in the toilet while having an afternoon bath, singing at each and every corner I turn when I am walking outside each and every corridor of the school. But where does it lead me to? Uncertainty. I love my voice. I had the tendency of enjoying the way I sing, the way I lift my voice to sing a note where Mariah Carey could. Trust me; I wasn’t at all depressed if I could not do so. I mean, practice makes perfect. But could this statement be true? Well, we practice our hearts out for something we thought we can excel in, but end up at the far end of the race. Now tell me, isn’t that reality? No matter how hard you try to strive to be someone you want to be, but indeed felt that you have fallen way deep into a deep pit. How hard you try crawling out of that little pit, you could not get far to breath the air ever again!

Some score aces in their lives; excellent in sports and one of a kind in debate clubs; plays for the local orchestra and went international later on in life; moving beyond famous in a crowd; going to the extent of thinking that everything is fine in their lives. This comes to a true acquirement from a person who thinks smart and act dump. True enough that somehow people do not expect their peers to see the ‘smartness’ in them. So that is why, they act as if the world is against them and try to be humble for all they can. I wish I could be the smart one, the successful one and the knowledgeable breed that came from centuries ago, say, the time when Caesar was looked up to by the Romans or maybe Cleopatra with her stunning beauty and captivating figure. Knowledge can always be a sin. You know too much; you have no limits to yourself. All you want to do is to know more about life, and chances are that you may end up at the wrong place at the wrong time. Now where is that place I am talking about? You will figure it out by yourself… I hope!

Sounds sadistic enough to be in the headlines of the newspaper the next day? “A girl about to commit suicide after her moment of utterances”, maybe it could have a summary lead of what my story is trying to say. Now, isn’t this just the model of communication where you learn firstly should be the sender, then the message and finally someone who receives the message. If you think I am sick and tired of my life, I am so sorry to say that you are wrong. I am never sick of life, how could I be? My life revolves around family members and my close relationship with my peers. Acquaintances could be out of mind, but who knows, your closest friends may be just another acquaintance of yours who you don’t know well and thought you know them for life. Forget about finding the one you love, you will likely return to round one after long hours of sufferings and pure agony. If not love, then crush maybe. It hurts, truly and deeply. Come to think of it, I have been hurt and truly still am hurt. Trying so hard to show your love for him but end up not wanting him to know. Why? Because, if he knows, you will never know what he thinks until he shows a reaction. What is the probability, or should I say, possibility of him liking you in return? What does the signs he shows means to you? A little tap on the shoulder; running his fingers through your hair, telling you that it is silky and soft; a sexy grin he tries to give you every moment of the day he sees you; a chance he wants to get to talk to you when he needs someone to share his problems with. However, at the end of the day, he is just trying to make you one of his acquaintance and not his closest friend. You may ask why… all I could say is that, he never likes you, just have been admiring your sensibility and your patience with him. How do you defer like and love when both has the same meaning but aren’t deeper than the other. If I say I like someone, what will it mean to you? And if I were to say I love someone, what will be on your mind the moment I confess? Either ways, you may think I am trying to hint you of someone I do really admire. But at the same time, I am just trying to see your reaction.

Have you admire anyone in your life? A pop-star maybe or your friends who have great knowledge on things you wish you had. That is just pure jealousy. Admire is not just a word; admire comes with an equal amount of jealousy at heart. You wouldn’t know because you never try searching your heart. A person score a distinction in their assignments, you admire them and wish you had done so too. Now, isn’t that jealousy you are showing when you really want something you could not have that your friends had it instead? Do not admire then, just look and smile at it and say, “I wouldn’t mind not having her qualities, because God is fair”.