Tuesday, December 27, 2005


Before i leave to Australia, there are things which i've thoroughly observed during my days, months and years in Malaysia. It's cool to know that Malaysian hold strongly to their 'truly Asia' motto and it's impossible to have Malaysian change their attitudes towards certain issues. Great! At least true Malaysian knows what it means to scream out 'Malaysia Boleh'. Well, on second thoughts, i was just wondering, should it be 'Malaysia Boleh' or 'Malaysia Mana Boleh'.
Here is a checklist on what does it takes to be a true Malaysian. This checklist is divided by a few different catagories.
1. You are a true Malaysian if....
(In the PUTRA LRT)
a) you pretend to que up. And when the train comes, you zoom pass everyone in line to get a sit on the nearest empty seats available. (2 points)
b) you do not care whether if there's someone behind you. You flip your hair as if you are starring in a shampoo commercial. Honestly, your hair stinks. (2 points + 2 points bonus)
c) you do not care if there's anyone standing behind you. You step on their feet and pretend nothing happened. (2 points + 2 points bonus)
d) you do not look around to see whether there are any disable or elderly people, nor do you care to aknowledge the woman standing in front of you is pregnant. As long as you are comfortable in your seat, nothing else matters. (2 points + 3 points bonus)
e) you speak as if there is no tomorrow. The Putra LRT is like your home and you talk in a voice as if everyone around you are family. (2 points + 2 points bonus)
f) you know the train is fool, but you still want to stuck your fat arse into it. (2 points + 4 points).
2. You are a true Malaysian when you...
(In shopping malls)
a) walk as if you are the queen of the shopping mall or supermarket. Translation: You walk slowly without knowing there are people behind you. (4 points)
b) you scream out loud so that everyone can hear ... 'wow, it's 70% off'!!' . The eyes can see, so there is no need for further information. (2 points + 2 points bonus)
c) dress up really nicely to impress everyone in the shopping mall. Translation: your spare tyres are conspicuous and you don't give a damn about those extra pounds you've put on. (2 points)
d) you think you own the walkway of the shopping mall. Translation: you bang into everyone that walks in your way without even having the courtesy of saying 'excuse me'. Is that so hard to do? (2 points + 4 points bonus)
3. You are a true Malaysian when you
(in the cinema)
a) bring in toddlers who have no seat-trainning or silence-when-you-are-in-the-movies tranning. They walk around, jump, scream, cry and whatever you can think of, but you don't give a damn cause you think they are so cute and just an infant. (2 points + 10 points bonus)
b) scream loudly when you see a ghost coming on screen... and .... swear at the top of your lungs! (2 points + 5 points bonus)
c) talk on the handphone, pretending noone's around you. (2 points + 3 points bonus)
d) munch on your popcorn, junk food, slurp on your drink and crunching your chocolate rappers without concern of the noise that you are contributing to the surroundings. (2 points + 3 points bonus)
e) shake your legs without knowing that you are disturbing the one in front of you, beside you and well, behind you (to a certain extent). (2 points)
f) come in fashionably late and stand in the middle of the path, checking out how far the movie went and how much you've missed before coming in an hour late. (2 points+4 points)
g) make out in the cinema like no body's business. (5 points)
4. You are a true Malaysian when you
(on the road)
a) don't even bother to put on your car signal to indicate which side you'll be turning into. (2 points)
b) pretend that your Proton Wira or Proton Satria is a racing car and drive at a speed of 120 - 160 kmh. (2 points)
c) drive really slowly (30-50kmh) on a freeway knowing that there are no cars infront of you. (2 points + 3 points for being inconsiderate)
d) flashes the car infront of you when you are a few feet away, not even close to banging. It's like a car can just slip in infront of you. (2 points + 3 points)
e) put on a signal without realising that you are misleading people into thinking you'll be zooming to the right or the left. And when you notice it, you left a million frustrated people who were considerate enough to drive slowly, thinking that you'll do a left or right turn any time soon. (2 points + 6 points)
f) zoom pass a right light or drives real slowly when you see the green light a head of you. (2 points + 10 points bonus)
g) occupy 2 lanes without knowing that you frustrate people behind you. (3 points)
5. You are a true Malaysian when you...
(in a parking lot)
a) park at the nearest illegal parking space so that you don't have to walk a distance. (Found mostly in shopping malls, LRT stations and on the roadside). (2 points + additional 5 points)
b) double park not even giving a damn whether the car next to you or infront of you will be getting out soon. (4 points)
c) snatch a parking space when it belongs to a patiently-waiting driver who comes in the right direction. Obviously, you were from the wrong direction and you do not even give a damn. (2 points + 4 points additional for being superb drivers)
d) do not even give a damn whose car you are blocking. You just park at your own risk and knowing that your car was brutally 'terrorized' after you come back from your shopping. Guess what, you have noone but yourself to blame. (5 points + 10 addtitional points)
See, being a true Malaysian just means that everything we do, we tend to ignore the consequences. We do not care the people we've irritated, annoyed or angered. We care for ourselves and that is what matters most in life. Hey, last but not least, it is a dog eat dog world and there is no such thing as caring and sharing in the Malaysian dictionary. As foreigners come into the country, we show peace and our smiles right up to our faces, that is all it matters. After they are gone, we just make sure they are fine with the hospitality, and know what, tomorrow, we'll be the true Malaysians again who are forever ignorant and least caring.
Keep up the good work Malaysians.