Wednesday, April 26, 2006

Chernobyl Legacy

What's stress? When some couldn't even feel stress?
What's life? When some couldn't see one determined for them?
What's suicide? When some has left without noticing death?
What's love? When some couldn't even feel it.
What's happiness? When some couldn't even have it.
What's beauty? When one couldn't even define it.
What's the future? When one couldn't even see it before their eyes.

Chernobyl Legacy :

Thursday, April 13, 2006

Classical music - What is life anyway?

Classical music is really beautiful. It protrays the life of unspoken talent and also gave voice to what was once beautiful in life. However, classical music has been undermined by the anguished and unworthy generation. Was life easy during the period before various revolutionary changes? Was the trouble of life unspoken before and conspicuous today? As i was listening to a ballade by Chopin known as 'Raindrops', i began my ramblings...

Life's so troublesome when you have people whom you can never get along with. Life is also stressful when you meet people who shows different characters everytime that you'll never know which is their trueself. Life is stressful when you know you can never depend on anyone but yourself and your instincts. Life is much more stressful when you know a person can have 100 different personalities to decieve you.

People are just so hard to get along with sometimes. Especially those who thinks they are all that and also those who hides from the world... their depression; their heartache; their happiness; their loneliness; their oblivion; and their troubled mind. Whenever you show how much you care about them, they just push you right into the corner of darkness and have your shadow walk all over you. No matter how hard you try to understand someone, their true colours never show until the day you think you know them good enough to gain their trust, a lie is just lingering around the corner. Life's a bore when you know no matter how hard you try to escape from the pain of striken reality, it hunts you down like a hawk to its prey.

My heart cries alone all night to understand how a human mind works. How can one spend so much time lingering in moments of sadness and loneliness? How can one juggle with various personalities at once? How can one say that she/he is fine, when she/he is not? It is precarious to know that no matter how much your mind ponders on things like these, nothing seems to be the right answer to the mentioned questions. There is nothing wrong to hide an unspoken life from the world, but it is just tiresome to have one feel that they are apart of it.

Another night where my insomnia is getting to my head; another night where sleep is all i need but can never have; another night of terrible heartache and lonesomeness; another night with the radio on but with no suiting songs to listen to; another night feeling hopeless; another night of agony and silence which needs to be fought off. I feel hopeless; I feel a need to cry to the world to change their every being. Can one show their true innocence before the eyes of the beholder? Life's complicated enough and now, we have to face the wonders of each human being we come to be in contact with.

The problem with life is that nothing seems real enough to feel, to touch or even to hold. Everything seems to be an illusion of the soul and to the eye. What's real is what you can feel, for what you thought you felt is just an illusion of the heart. What you think you saw was just another hallusination right before your eyes. The next day when you get up from sleep, you'll finally find out what is it like to leave yesterday and start a brand new day. Your body may have left yesterday, but your soul and mind are still pondering on what happened just the day before. Nothing can be momentarily, nothing can be eternal as well. It is because of the reality before the eyes that we fear of each days' happenings around us. We fear of what's fearless, we fear of what's frightful, and what we fear most is what's before us.

Nothing is momentarily... absolutely nothing... not memories, not a dream, not a prayer nor a certain sadness felt. What is momentarily is a smile of one dearest to you which you can never have the chance to see it once again.

Tuesday, April 11, 2006

Secrets... life's stressful

I came to know the fact that the most interesting thing in life is a secret or a story untold. And once told, everyone's a victim to a certain thought. A secret keeps someone away from a smile; a secret keeps someone away from the truth; and sadly, secret keeps someone away from a long lasting friendship. One may quarrel over petty issues or concerns, but one can never tolerate an unfold secret.

Secret, as defined in the dictionary, not known or seen; not meant to be known or seen. Everyone keeps a little part of themselves from the world, but how long can that little secret be kept away from society; away from a friend; away from a loved one; or even away from oneself. A secret being revolved around the unconcious mind of another just makes them suspicious to the people around them. However, life without a secret makes a person perfect. One may argue that it does. To me, a secret is what keeps a person striving for survival. As long as it is unknown to the world, days pass by like just any other.

Just today that i've only find out the deepest darkest secret in me which has been within me for the longest time. I'm not talking about my superego trying to over take my body, but more to my mind's trying to have me concentrate on something much more important than what i am doing in my life right now. As much as i would like to share, but i guess it is only a matter of months in order for me to finally come face to face with my biggest hidden secret. The fear of life and a life that i fear most might come true.

Well... i wouldn't want to make my post a bore. I guess the reason for my not updating my blog is that i've lost interest in posting up a new post every now and then. Or should i say, i've run out of interesting things to say. Well, i would love to write an update of my life in Australia but i don't think it is necessary for the time being as everyone knows i'm well and that i'll only be here for a year. Well, sadly, i did not get the chance to go to the commonwealth games as i do not have the money to get tickets. When i did have the money, the tickets were all sold out. Am i unlucky or what? I'll definately be going for the AFL, NRL, and also one of the stand up comedies. I've been trying to search for a job here, but seems to me like they aren't very keen in hiring international students.

Alright, need to get back to my research. I need to get things done but i do not have the motivation to do so and i don't have the inspiration that i have back home to do things. Argh!