Late Night, Part 2

Remember me when you fly off to wherever you are going…

So where is she going? I can’t believe the words that just came out of my own mouth. Again, I am lost. It has been too long I have known her. I thought I know her better than her other friends do, but, I was so wrong. What exactly do I know about her?

Unceasing nights of cracking brains, figuring out what she meant in my life made me find a peculiar reason to have an alternative best friend. I know that this sounds so wrong, but she is far beyond comprehension.

I am staying up late at night, practically figuring out what to do with her being the main source of confusion in my life. Here, Lionel Richie is singing in my ear, saying things will be fine as he wants to be free. I want freedom the same way he does, just to fly away and be with someone who knows I existed.

Rewind and freeze… she knows I existed, she knows I will be there for her whenever she needs me. She knows that she will have my forgiveness whatever happens next in life that includes me unveiling my anger in public because of her. Huh… what will be happening in the future that build up such anger in me that could not be hidden within me? Why review it to the public? So, what is the focal reason of me abandoning her, letting her fly off to wherever she is going… alone!

You are all I ever wanted, and my arms are open wide,
Cause you know just want to say and you know just what to do,
I want to tell you so much, I Love You.

Her favorite lyric from Lionel Richie’s “Hello” is somehow stuck in my mind. Could it be that someone is loving her that I might not know of. Maybe she likes someone that I do not know about. It is somehow as if she will ever tell me about her heart feelings towards a guy. Oh no, this makes me think… is she liking someone that I once loved?

So what if she does. It is not like I could possibly ever have the chance to stop her from doing so. Again, the question that needs an answer, who is she in my life? My best friend or is she just an acquaintance who has been taken as a ‘human-time-bomb’ subconsciously by me and waiting for it to explode and then slowly evaporate from my life. Why do I think of such things? I never meant to show my hatred towards her in my heart. It somehow came to my mind and I am feeling dizzy that I could somehow be unconscious any moment in time.

No wait, she once did fell for the one I love. Long story and I don’t want to speak of it ever again! Not even utter a word about it! The pain of unknown, or should I say, unrealized utterance could be pure and agonizing to my life for all I know. The incident has made me cry; it has drained the colors off my face. I want to take no notice of the incident again. I want it to somehow vanish away from my mind. How could that happen? I dream, I think, I recall… that is what humans are supposed to do right?

If I take a chance to step in another world, maybe I could never then dream again. What if I never can see her again? Never see the smile on her face, could never hear her tone of voice whenever she call for me to hear her out. What if she cries and I would not be there for her? I am drowning in darkness; drowning in silence… slowly being absorbed into space where no one could ever hear when I scream at the top of my lungs.

Hey, my plane will be leaving in 10 minutes. Do you have anything else you want to say before I go off?

The voice seems to be coming from a distance. Looking at her through blurry, tearful eyes, I gave her a questionable look. She smiled and just waved goodbye...

*I could not somehow think of a good conclusion to write... so i guess this article of mine is pretty much hanging in 'midair'