The Blues

As i was reading through my testimonials at 2am today morning, i came across a testimonial which was written by one of my really goodfriends and memories started flashing through my mind. I missed the time we had together and also the times we are apart but still being concern of each other’s whereabouts.

Dissapointed by the fact of being apart and not getting to see each other as often as we used to, tears started streaming down my cheeks as i think back of the days where my life was changed by my new found friendship with this fine young gentleman.

I wouldn't want to say it was love at first glance but it was dated back to the year i sat in his geography class just trying to look around for familiar faces. All of a sudden, my eyes fell on the gorgeous him. It wasn't just his looks i was inlove with, but the way he smile at a girl and welcoming her to sit at an empty sit next to his desk as the class was full. It was just practically breathtaking to see the way he get serious when the lecturer was to start her class the minute she walked in.

What happened after we got introduced? Greatest moment which are now lingery memories in mind started forming infront of my very eyes.

At this forbidden hour of the night; parents and siblings are sound asleep, waiting to get up in the morning and likely embrace the morning sunshine and get on with another brand new day; I'm here, sitting down in the study room just letting memories run through my mind. Thinking of thousands of 'what if' questions and hopefully to find and answer to all of them, but somehow, i'm just fooling myself. Why couldn't i accept the fact that we are not meant to be together? Why couldn't i just accept the fact that God has greater plans for me and that He's in control? In the midst of just wondering and questioning myself, suddenly, i just feel like breaking down and cry till my tears run dry and immediately turn into blood. I know i'm being silly about the whole situation, but i couldn't come close to consoling myself.

As the song 'Home' by Michael Buble started playing, i just sat back and listen prudently to the lyric and the sound of his ever so sexy voice. It was a sad song and it started my crying all over again. I just want to go “home”. I'm so tired of being inlove. I am just so tired of showing my love and what i had in return was rejection. I pretended i was fine all this while, but it was pain-striking in heart and i wouldn't want to let my emotions show as I know my friends care and I wouldn’t want to worry them with my depression.


My emotions are cold and flat now.

I never want to smile this very morning and i couldn't stand a chance to listen to the music that i had just downloaded. Every song on my playlist are sentimental and most of the singers are singing the blues tonight.

St. Valentine's Day had just come and gone. I'm glad i wished him first that night. Just to know that he cares, that is enough!