Thanks Fikri for recommending this wonderful song to me.
Artist : Brooke Fraser
Song Title: Arithmetic
I've been staring at the sky tonight
Marveling and passing time
Wondering what to do with daylight
Until I can make you mine
[Chorus]
You are the one I want
You are the one I want
I've been thinking of changing my mind
It never stays the same for long
But of all the things I know for sure
You're the only certain one
You are the one I want
You are the one I want
I've been counting up all my wrongs
One sorry for each star
See I'd apologise my way to you
If the heavens stretched that far
You are the one I want
You are the one I want
I won't find what I am looking for
If I only see by keeping score
'Cause I know now you are so much more than arithmetic
'Cause if I add, if I subtract if I
Give it all try to take some back
I've forgotten the freedom that comes from the fact
That you are the sum
So you are one
I want
When the years are showing on my face
And my strongest days are gone
When my heart and flesh depart this place
From a life that sung your song
You'll still be the one I want
You'll still be the one I want
You'll still be the one I want
You'll still be the one
I want
Monday, February 21, 2005
Friday, February 18, 2005
The Blues
As i was reading through my testimonials at 2am today morning, i came across a testimonial which was written by one of my really goodfriends and memories started flashing through my mind. I missed the time we had together and also the times we are apart but still being concern of each other’s whereabouts.
Dissapointed by the fact of being apart and not getting to see each other as often as we used to, tears started streaming down my cheeks as i think back of the days where my life was changed by my new found friendship with this fine young gentleman.
I wouldn't want to say it was love at first glance but it was dated back to the year i sat in his geography class just trying to look around for familiar faces. All of a sudden, my eyes fell on the gorgeous him. It wasn't just his looks i was inlove with, but the way he smile at a girl and welcoming her to sit at an empty sit next to his desk as the class was full. It was just practically breathtaking to see the way he get serious when the lecturer was to start her class the minute she walked in.
What happened after we got introduced? Greatest moment which are now lingery memories in mind started forming infront of my very eyes.
At this forbidden hour of the night; parents and siblings are sound asleep, waiting to get up in the morning and likely embrace the morning sunshine and get on with another brand new day; I'm here, sitting down in the study room just letting memories run through my mind. Thinking of thousands of 'what if' questions and hopefully to find and answer to all of them, but somehow, i'm just fooling myself. Why couldn't i accept the fact that we are not meant to be together? Why couldn't i just accept the fact that God has greater plans for me and that He's in control? In the midst of just wondering and questioning myself, suddenly, i just feel like breaking down and cry till my tears run dry and immediately turn into blood. I know i'm being silly about the whole situation, but i couldn't come close to consoling myself.
As the song 'Home' by Michael Buble started playing, i just sat back and listen prudently to the lyric and the sound of his ever so sexy voice. It was a sad song and it started my crying all over again. I just want to go “home”. I'm so tired of being inlove. I am just so tired of showing my love and what i had in return was rejection. I pretended i was fine all this while, but it was pain-striking in heart and i wouldn't want to let my emotions show as I know my friends care and I wouldn’t want to worry them with my depression.
My emotions are cold and flat now.
I never want to smile this very morning and i couldn't stand a chance to listen to the music that i had just downloaded. Every song on my playlist are sentimental and most of the singers are singing the blues tonight.
St. Valentine's Day had just come and gone. I'm glad i wished him first that night. Just to know that he cares, that is enough!
Dissapointed by the fact of being apart and not getting to see each other as often as we used to, tears started streaming down my cheeks as i think back of the days where my life was changed by my new found friendship with this fine young gentleman.
I wouldn't want to say it was love at first glance but it was dated back to the year i sat in his geography class just trying to look around for familiar faces. All of a sudden, my eyes fell on the gorgeous him. It wasn't just his looks i was inlove with, but the way he smile at a girl and welcoming her to sit at an empty sit next to his desk as the class was full. It was just practically breathtaking to see the way he get serious when the lecturer was to start her class the minute she walked in.
What happened after we got introduced? Greatest moment which are now lingery memories in mind started forming infront of my very eyes.
At this forbidden hour of the night; parents and siblings are sound asleep, waiting to get up in the morning and likely embrace the morning sunshine and get on with another brand new day; I'm here, sitting down in the study room just letting memories run through my mind. Thinking of thousands of 'what if' questions and hopefully to find and answer to all of them, but somehow, i'm just fooling myself. Why couldn't i accept the fact that we are not meant to be together? Why couldn't i just accept the fact that God has greater plans for me and that He's in control? In the midst of just wondering and questioning myself, suddenly, i just feel like breaking down and cry till my tears run dry and immediately turn into blood. I know i'm being silly about the whole situation, but i couldn't come close to consoling myself.
As the song 'Home' by Michael Buble started playing, i just sat back and listen prudently to the lyric and the sound of his ever so sexy voice. It was a sad song and it started my crying all over again. I just want to go “home”. I'm so tired of being inlove. I am just so tired of showing my love and what i had in return was rejection. I pretended i was fine all this while, but it was pain-striking in heart and i wouldn't want to let my emotions show as I know my friends care and I wouldn’t want to worry them with my depression.
My emotions are cold and flat now.
I never want to smile this very morning and i couldn't stand a chance to listen to the music that i had just downloaded. Every song on my playlist are sentimental and most of the singers are singing the blues tonight.
St. Valentine's Day had just come and gone. I'm glad i wished him first that night. Just to know that he cares, that is enough!
Monday, February 14, 2005
Death of an Infant
The air tonight,
Was covered with memories from the past,
Mixed with a pungent smell,
Death has been around,
This i could tell.
Blood dampened the cloth of an infant,
Piercing cries were ceased in the air,
Just for a moment i stood there,
Stared and perambulated the room,
Blood covered my feet,
Wasn't concious that,
I was walking on bloody sheets.
A traumatic scene i could never forget,
The air was replaced with a sudden scream,
Wasn't from my mouth,
Wasn't from within,
The baby was still crying,
How can someone do such a thing?
How could someone plunge a knife,
Through the heart of one innocent?
Standing in the center of darkness,
Nothing but a table lamp,
Crippled,
Shattered on the arctic floor.
Broken pieces of the table lamp,
Piercing through my skin,
I couldn't feel the pain,
Cuts like a knife,
Blood oozing from my sole,
Spewed endlessly onto the floor,
But i felt nothing at all.
Ran through the forest in a briskly manner,
Want to get out from where i'm at,
Through the city streets of town,
To a place i could be safe from the burden found.
Back to where i belong,
In bed with the covers up to my chin,
Comfort blankets provide warmth to my skin,
Where i sleep like a baby,
Through the night.
No more screams,
Memories erased,
Washed my hands,
Go to bed,
Sleep till morning comes.
Was covered with memories from the past,
Mixed with a pungent smell,
Death has been around,
This i could tell.
Blood dampened the cloth of an infant,
Piercing cries were ceased in the air,
Just for a moment i stood there,
Stared and perambulated the room,
Blood covered my feet,
Wasn't concious that,
I was walking on bloody sheets.
A traumatic scene i could never forget,
The air was replaced with a sudden scream,
Wasn't from my mouth,
Wasn't from within,
The baby was still crying,
How can someone do such a thing?
How could someone plunge a knife,
Through the heart of one innocent?
Standing in the center of darkness,
Nothing but a table lamp,
Crippled,
Shattered on the arctic floor.
Broken pieces of the table lamp,
Piercing through my skin,
I couldn't feel the pain,
Cuts like a knife,
Blood oozing from my sole,
Spewed endlessly onto the floor,
But i felt nothing at all.
Ran through the forest in a briskly manner,
Want to get out from where i'm at,
Through the city streets of town,
To a place i could be safe from the burden found.
Back to where i belong,
In bed with the covers up to my chin,
Comfort blankets provide warmth to my skin,
Where i sleep like a baby,
Through the night.
No more screams,
Memories erased,
Washed my hands,
Go to bed,
Sleep till morning comes.
Valentine's Day's Blues!
Let’s see, tomorrow’s Valentine’s Day. As everyone will be enjoying themselves with their loved ones, I was just sitting down here, thinking of 5 reasonable ways to go through a single life for the time being. Not everyone needs a valentine on this special occasion; I guess most of us singles need some encouragement from one another to stay happy! Below are the 5 reasonable ways that I could think of to be happily single.
5 ways to stay happily single:-
1. Hop on a bus and go travelling all over Malaysia
You might think I’m crazy but hey, it’s better than staying at home and rot. All you have to do is to hop on a bus and go to places that you really wish to visit within Malaysia. I would love to drive up to Bukit Tambun for sea food. After that, drive straight up to Bukit Ferringi and stay there until I get a phone call from my dad asking me where I’ve been the whole day!5 ways to stay happily single:-
1. Hop on a bus and go travelling all over Malaysia
2. Doing things which you have never done before.
Things I have not done before and wish that I could experience them:-
a. Eating fried or cooked dead bugs
When I was in Beijing, I seriously wanted to try them but was immediately given a warning by the tour guide as he told me that I’ll end up hospitalized for a total duration of 2 weeks.
b.Going to super cold places, for instance, the North Pole; strip naked and jump into a pile of snow?
Guess what! I was chatting with a friend of mine from Texas whom I got to know when I was studying in Taylor’s and he told me about his experience of stripping naked and getting into a pile of snow while it was -4 degrees. Speaking about going insane, he’s someone who never fails to impress me with his insanity!
c. Driving 180km/h on a freeway in any car you can get hold of.
I seriously wish to do so, but can never get the chance to cause whenever I am involve in long distance driving, my mom and dad will be in the car with me.
3. Movie Marathon
So, what are the movies you’ve missed out in 2004 and the latest films which you never had the time to watch. It’s now the time to go DVD-shopping and make sure you watch it all night long without taking your eyes off the TV screen. Forget about being a ‘gentleman’ or a ‘lady’ and getting up from your sit and letting your parents take control of the television cause it’s YOUR DAY!!
4. Sports Marathon
Something I wish I could have done more often than just once in a life which left me panting and wishing I could have 24 hours to spare in bed! Well, you can start of with getting up early in the morning (about 6am) and getting to the club for an early swim. Make sure you complete a total of 20 laps before you call it a day! Later on at about 8.30am, go for a jog in the park. Then at 10 am, have your branch and make sure you only have a bowl of salad to bite. Later on, you can go shopping until 5pm. At about 6pm, start packing your tennis racquets and go for a game of tennis. Well, after that, head to the gym until 10.30pm and retire for the night… without taking a bath *winkz*
5. Doing nothing while doing something
No explanation for this but I guess you can figure it out yourself!!
Is this promising enough to lead you to a happy single life? Well, to me, it helped pretty much. Whenever you feel lonely on Valentine’s Day, remember that you can be happily single before you find the right person to live the rest of your life with!
Back From China
I just came back from the North (China). Celebrated my Chinese New Year holidays in Beijing, Tian Jing and Sheng De and it was freaking cold. Got to experience snow the second time in life now and I guess I’ll get to experience more when I further my studies in Australia in 2006. Well, not as if snow is a good thing, but it’s pretty cool to have your hands all frozen up at the end of the day and the next thing you know is that you are screaming for hot water!!
It was pretty much an unplanned trip to Beijing. I just got to know that we were heading to Beijing one week before. Well, as usual, I’m never ever show my enthusiasm when it comes to spending my holidays in China. Some may wonder why and some may think it’s a great place to be. First of all, I wouldn’t want to criticize the country or the people, all I have to say is that, China’s not my cup of tea!
Got out in the cold and having a hard time staying awake in the car with the heater on while listening to the tour guide speak, it was amazing how I could survive a week of pure boredom. Well, come to think of it, it wasn’t a disastrous trip after all. Not like when I went to Shanghai with my parents in November 2004 where the food was terrible, and the hotel was in a bad condition. Oh, and not forgetting, the early morning call (6am – SHARP!!). Beijing wasn’t as terrible. The food was great; the places we visited were pretty much interesting; we had a really knowledgeable tour guide; stayed in a four-star hotel (Ai Hua Hotel). So if you every want to go on a vacation, remember to consider Ken-Air!
Goodbye four months of being a rotten egg and hello sufferings of the 1st semester of the 2nd year! The holidays will be coming to an end pretty soon and I am seriously looking forward to meeting friends again! It was wonderful to stay at home these holidays, but boredom was accompanying me all the while and I think it is the time to break loose from these chains. I will try my best to enjoy the studying days which will be lined up for me when Uni. reopens and hopefully I can do better than last year. I confessed that I did pretty bad during the first year as I was complaining about the studying environment in Monash but I guess all these complains are better left behind and I need to build up more on my concentration and focus more on aiming high as well as doing well.
*~ Just want to wish you all a Happy Chinese New Year ~*
It was pretty much an unplanned trip to Beijing. I just got to know that we were heading to Beijing one week before. Well, as usual, I’m never ever show my enthusiasm when it comes to spending my holidays in China. Some may wonder why and some may think it’s a great place to be. First of all, I wouldn’t want to criticize the country or the people, all I have to say is that, China’s not my cup of tea!
Got out in the cold and having a hard time staying awake in the car with the heater on while listening to the tour guide speak, it was amazing how I could survive a week of pure boredom. Well, come to think of it, it wasn’t a disastrous trip after all. Not like when I went to Shanghai with my parents in November 2004 where the food was terrible, and the hotel was in a bad condition. Oh, and not forgetting, the early morning call (6am – SHARP!!). Beijing wasn’t as terrible. The food was great; the places we visited were pretty much interesting; we had a really knowledgeable tour guide; stayed in a four-star hotel (Ai Hua Hotel). So if you every want to go on a vacation, remember to consider Ken-Air!
Goodbye four months of being a rotten egg and hello sufferings of the 1st semester of the 2nd year! The holidays will be coming to an end pretty soon and I am seriously looking forward to meeting friends again! It was wonderful to stay at home these holidays, but boredom was accompanying me all the while and I think it is the time to break loose from these chains. I will try my best to enjoy the studying days which will be lined up for me when Uni. reopens and hopefully I can do better than last year. I confessed that I did pretty bad during the first year as I was complaining about the studying environment in Monash but I guess all these complains are better left behind and I need to build up more on my concentration and focus more on aiming high as well as doing well.
*~ Just want to wish you all a Happy Chinese New Year ~*
Wednesday, February 02, 2005
Malicious Joy
Someone's been hurt by my endless laughter,
A friend who once knew me,
Turned out i'm laughing behind her back,
Goodness!I
I shouldn't be mean,
That malicious joy i'm seeing,
Within me,
My greatest fear,
Loosing the one i love.
Stop this grosteque,
monstrous behaviour this instant!
I don't want to hurt nobody,
This ungodly sickness within me,
Bluring my thoughts with sins,
Ready to to strike any moment,
Get away from me!
Shut the door in my face,
I don't want to hurt nobody,
Increase the distance between us,
So you wouldn't have to hear my laughter,
Again,
And again,
And this malicious joy within,
Comes out and strike like a living beast.
Sorry,
But i couldn't stop the nightmare from becoming,
Sorry,
That's all i want to say,
And an apology, please!
A friend who once knew me,
Turned out i'm laughing behind her back,
Goodness!I
I shouldn't be mean,
That malicious joy i'm seeing,
Within me,
My greatest fear,
Loosing the one i love.
Stop this grosteque,
monstrous behaviour this instant!
I don't want to hurt nobody,
This ungodly sickness within me,
Bluring my thoughts with sins,
Ready to to strike any moment,
Get away from me!
Shut the door in my face,
I don't want to hurt nobody,
Increase the distance between us,
So you wouldn't have to hear my laughter,
Again,
And again,
And this malicious joy within,
Comes out and strike like a living beast.
Sorry,
But i couldn't stop the nightmare from becoming,
Sorry,
That's all i want to say,
And an apology, please!
Addiction
Life is full of many unpredictable scenes. The atmosphere around you are always changing. When sadness and happiness are just momentary feelings, somehow memories looms in one's mind always. Come's to the point where i found out that a tragedy just happened in a household.
A person has a beginning and an end. How a person's life would end, is not firmly on one's choice, but God be the judge and the executioner.
I hated the evening air tonight. No wonder i wasn't in a better mood. What shocked me most is the new's i've heard.
I wouldn't want to say much, but, God do please be with her!
As i was driving in my car. I knew i had a responsibility to drive my sis back from school. I did not much complained but, tears streamed down my eyes as i recall what has been said to me.
Death... who wants it? The biggest question would be, why should it happen. I know the fundamentals, i know the christian teachings, but what i couldn't make myself comprehend:-
Can sadness be compensated with happiness rapidly?
Memories lingers in one's mind.
Noway one could every hide from the occurance of one's death and live life without looking back to the past.
As i sat here, wondering what i should approach next. There are tones of stuff i can do in my little' crib, but nothing comes to mind that i should take a break from what i'm doing now - onlining.
It has been an addiction and i could see that's becoming contagious. Yeah, this so-called 'malady' is really stiring up late, sleepless night, just chatting endlessly with a new found friend. Not just me, siblings are getting on with the addiction!
I know this sound a lil' too grotesque, but it's the truth and i seriously couldn't stop my being addicted!
A person has a beginning and an end. How a person's life would end, is not firmly on one's choice, but God be the judge and the executioner.
I hated the evening air tonight. No wonder i wasn't in a better mood. What shocked me most is the new's i've heard.
I wouldn't want to say much, but, God do please be with her!
As i was driving in my car. I knew i had a responsibility to drive my sis back from school. I did not much complained but, tears streamed down my eyes as i recall what has been said to me.
Death... who wants it? The biggest question would be, why should it happen. I know the fundamentals, i know the christian teachings, but what i couldn't make myself comprehend:-
Can sadness be compensated with happiness rapidly?
Memories lingers in one's mind.
Noway one could every hide from the occurance of one's death and live life without looking back to the past.
As i sat here, wondering what i should approach next. There are tones of stuff i can do in my little' crib, but nothing comes to mind that i should take a break from what i'm doing now - onlining.
It has been an addiction and i could see that's becoming contagious. Yeah, this so-called 'malady' is really stiring up late, sleepless night, just chatting endlessly with a new found friend. Not just me, siblings are getting on with the addiction!
I know this sound a lil' too grotesque, but it's the truth and i seriously couldn't stop my being addicted!
Tuesday, February 01, 2005
Will It
Hidden emotions from the world,
Nothing's as it seems today,
Suppressed by feelings of useless comprehension,
Sitting alone,
Silent in prayers,
Hysterical,
Outraging sanity,
Nothing but loosing one's mind,
That's how i feel tonight...
Will i feel better tomorrow?
Doubt it,
Know it,
It won't come,
Happiness just a momentary feeling,
Be gone now,
Will it?
Switching lanes,
Changing life,
Never want to see the sunlight,
Sleeping alone on a quiet street,
Waiting on peace,
So that i can get some sleep.
Will i feel better tomorrow?
Doubt it,
Know it,
Life's rumpled,
Throw it away,
It makes me sick,
Sadness,
be gone,
Will it?
Nothing's as it seems today,
Suppressed by feelings of useless comprehension,
Sitting alone,
Silent in prayers,
Hysterical,
Outraging sanity,
Nothing but loosing one's mind,
That's how i feel tonight...
Will i feel better tomorrow?
Doubt it,
Know it,
It won't come,
Happiness just a momentary feeling,
Be gone now,
Will it?
Switching lanes,
Changing life,
Never want to see the sunlight,
Sleeping alone on a quiet street,
Waiting on peace,
So that i can get some sleep.
Will i feel better tomorrow?
Doubt it,
Know it,
Life's rumpled,
Throw it away,
It makes me sick,
Sadness,
be gone,
Will it?