Two down, one more to go and i can call my 1st year of being stuck in stuffy lecture halls when the temperature is either too cold or too... not so cold (it is not like it had ever been once where i feel the heat). Anywayz, i was suppose to be studying for COM1020 yesterday but end up falling asleep. Having promised myself to get up at the middle of the night... oh well, at approximately 3 a.m, that is like the time that i usually have the mood to study or even bring out a novel to read. However, when my alarm went off, i just cleck on the 'snooze off' button and went back to sleep only to find myself waking up at 6.15a.m. without a chance to revise the work that i am suppose to.
I do hope what i crapped in the paper would make good sense to the lecturer. I sure do hope that it will be enough to get me a high credit..., if that is not the case, then i will be so so so dead... oh well, hopefully i wont think of lacking off for my INT1020 paper. After the exam, i went with Ayushna, Eva and Zac for a movie... Oh well, we decided to go for different movies. Ayushna, Eva and Zac went for the 'White Chicks' movie which i did not pay much attention to it. I went for the 'Stepford Wives' movie and found it amazing and astonishing in away.
Nope, not another summary of what i think of the movie... maybe in my next entery when i really do have the mood to write. Anywayz, i am getting into the mood of completing my reading of the book i've just consumed today ... "Tuedays with Morrie" by Mitch Albom. It is a true story though....
Below is an abstract which i find pretty amazing and true...
"So many people walk around with a meaningless life. They seem half-asleep, even when they're busy doing things they think are important. This is because they are chasing the wrong things. The way you get meaning into your life is to devote yourself into loving others, devote yourself to your community around you, and devote yourself to creating something that gives you a purpose and meaning," By Mitch Albom, 'Tuesdays with Morrie' pg. 43.
Tuesday, October 26, 2004
Monday, October 25, 2004
MKW1120 ...... Finally Put To An End
The Dos and Donts while studying for MKW1120
These are what I've learnt while studying for my Marketing Theory and Practice examination. Well, it is pretty a last minute thing as i have no choice but to draw in the nature of procratination. Here goes.
1. Never ever let your friends tell you what to study. Deal with your own instincts and your own judgement on what will be in your exam paper the next day!
Well, I have been calling up John, Ken (as usual, never would pick up my phone), Angel, smsing Karin and Allyson (never would want to sms me back)... the reason why i called and sms was to find out what are they studying... Since the lecturer and tutor said something about ..." you can choose the chapters/topic you want to study".... yep! Bingo, that make sense =) Asking what your friends' would likely study for the paper would increase tension and also shaken your nervous systems (somehow)
2. Procrastination may sometimes lead to success (well, can't prove this yet cause i may be too confident in a way).
Because of the rush that i am in to finish up my News Feature Writing assignment... i need to find a way to study 18 Chapters in 2 days... i wasted my time on the first day, which is de Saturday (23-10-04) and started building up pace on Sunday (24-10-04). Yep, if you guessed that i missed church, you are absolutely right. But i did not miss prayers... yes yes, i did miss the chance to have an indepth study on the Bible (feeling pretty guilty now). So i ended up studying marketing... Chapter1,2,3,10,and 11. Hrmm.... good choice though!
3. Never sleep when you don't remember what you've studied...
True, sleep does not matter when it comes to examination period. The more you sleep, the more tired you get and the more you can't seem to remember stuff (this, of cause, comes to my own evaluation of my studying habits before the exams) if you cant do what i did, then don't WAIT TILL THE LAST MINUTE!!
4. Giving credit to Eddie G., use at least 45 minutes to an hour to study the chapters that you intend to study. And when the 45 minutes or the one hour is up, and if you havent finish studying the chapters you are at, skip it and go to the next chapter... then when you have the time later at night, go back and study what you have not finished.
This works.... thanks!
5. During the hour before the exam, do keep in mind that reading or revising what you have studied may just leave you with a total headache. Whatever you do, relax and look at the bright side... for you Christians out there... Do have faith in God, you know He exists in your life
6. While in the examination hall, when you are given 10 minutes of reading time, do not READ, pray instead.... do not look left or right, just stare at the front page of the paper and start thinking of the nicest song you have ever heard in your life (Safri Duo!!....) and when the examiner say start... then, aha, it is time to catch up on the reading (not a wise choice, but i do that always :P).
7. Once you are done, don't go back to check what you have written, this will implant or increase tension in the atmosphere you are in... just go with the flow and say 'Thank God for your Grace upon me!' and stop feeling nervous of what you have written in your paper.
8. And finally... smile!!!!
Here you go folks, hope this helps... well for me it does.. remember... use your own judgement haha!!
These are what I've learnt while studying for my Marketing Theory and Practice examination. Well, it is pretty a last minute thing as i have no choice but to draw in the nature of procratination. Here goes.
1. Never ever let your friends tell you what to study. Deal with your own instincts and your own judgement on what will be in your exam paper the next day!
Well, I have been calling up John, Ken (as usual, never would pick up my phone), Angel, smsing Karin and Allyson (never would want to sms me back)... the reason why i called and sms was to find out what are they studying... Since the lecturer and tutor said something about ..." you can choose the chapters/topic you want to study".... yep! Bingo, that make sense =) Asking what your friends' would likely study for the paper would increase tension and also shaken your nervous systems (somehow)
2. Procrastination may sometimes lead to success (well, can't prove this yet cause i may be too confident in a way).
Because of the rush that i am in to finish up my News Feature Writing assignment... i need to find a way to study 18 Chapters in 2 days... i wasted my time on the first day, which is de Saturday (23-10-04) and started building up pace on Sunday (24-10-04). Yep, if you guessed that i missed church, you are absolutely right. But i did not miss prayers... yes yes, i did miss the chance to have an indepth study on the Bible (feeling pretty guilty now). So i ended up studying marketing... Chapter1,2,3,10,and 11. Hrmm.... good choice though!
3. Never sleep when you don't remember what you've studied...
True, sleep does not matter when it comes to examination period. The more you sleep, the more tired you get and the more you can't seem to remember stuff (this, of cause, comes to my own evaluation of my studying habits before the exams) if you cant do what i did, then don't WAIT TILL THE LAST MINUTE!!
4. Giving credit to Eddie G., use at least 45 minutes to an hour to study the chapters that you intend to study. And when the 45 minutes or the one hour is up, and if you havent finish studying the chapters you are at, skip it and go to the next chapter... then when you have the time later at night, go back and study what you have not finished.
This works.... thanks!
5. During the hour before the exam, do keep in mind that reading or revising what you have studied may just leave you with a total headache. Whatever you do, relax and look at the bright side... for you Christians out there... Do have faith in God, you know He exists in your life
6. While in the examination hall, when you are given 10 minutes of reading time, do not READ, pray instead.... do not look left or right, just stare at the front page of the paper and start thinking of the nicest song you have ever heard in your life (Safri Duo!!....) and when the examiner say start... then, aha, it is time to catch up on the reading (not a wise choice, but i do that always :P).
7. Once you are done, don't go back to check what you have written, this will implant or increase tension in the atmosphere you are in... just go with the flow and say 'Thank God for your Grace upon me!' and stop feeling nervous of what you have written in your paper.
8. And finally... smile!!!!
Here you go folks, hope this helps... well for me it does.. remember... use your own judgement haha!!
Friday, October 22, 2004
All In A Day's Work
I've finally finished my assignment yesterday night and it took me about, hrm... I somehow forgotten about the time I started typing out my assignment. All I knew was that I finished it at 3.05am in the morning. After that, i found myself still wide awake when it is already pass my bedtime.
So I started my 'Late Night, Part 2' and try finishing it. When I was writing and writing... suddenly, I just felt dizzy and made up my mind to get some sleep before dawn comes. So I did, and it wasn't a peaceful sleep. I woke up in between hours and find myself either being too cold or too hot.
I know that it will be pretty absurd to say that i finally woke up at 10.30am. Isn't it pretty predictable in a sense. A person sleeping way too early in the morning, and needed to complete a total of 8 hours sleep and finally woke up at the sound of the television downstairs and not the alarm clock that went off 2 hours before my actual 'wake-up' time. As usual, i walk into the bathroom and stop dead. Oh well, it's just me... i forgot my facial wash that is left in my closet and my towel which I somehow forgotten that it has been sent for washing. So I walked to my closet, get the things i wanted, and walked back to the bathroom. Now, i sat at the potty and wonder what am i doing next after my 'lil' business. Oh yeah, I forgot! I was suppose to fetch one of my friends to school and bummer, i woke up late! So, there I go, after my lil' business, i went walking straight back towards my bedroom, picked up the phone and dail his number... Argh, i give up... he isn't there when i desperatly needed an answer to my question. Yeah, if you are wondering, he is the only person that knows the answer to my question!
I don't even know why i bother telling my morning senarios to whoever might be reading this. Anywayz, going on to complete today's blog. Yeah, where was I, oh yes! Okay, so, i went back to the bathroom, thinking of where i left my toothbrush the other night and... oh yeah, found it! So i did what i needed to do next and have my face washed, contact lenses put on and here I go, off the bathroom and downstairs for breakfast just to find that it wasn't waiting for me.
Forget about breakfast, i took my car keys off the rack and went straight towards my car. Oh yeah, not forgetting my 'Safri Duo's CD. Needed something to 'tune' me up for the day since i won't be fetching my friend to school! There goes, off to school and into the computer lab after i arrived.
Passed up my assignment, ready to go off to wherever i feel like going. So i went to the cafeteria and waited for my friend to finish his exams so that we can decide where to go next. We hit the cinemas for the latest Steven Spielberg movie, The Terminal staring Tom Hanks and Catherine Zeta-Jones. Wow, some marvelous film directed by Steven. It is a really worth-watching-again-and-again film i suppose. I've already plan to get a vcd from the very start, but, to get a good one will cost be a bomb, so i shall wait for my uncle to consume one so that i can just get it from him!
Viktor Navorski (Tom Hanks) is a visitor in the United States that needs to go to New York so badly but found out that he is the owner of a passport that leads to nowhere. So he is stranded at the John F. Kennedy Airport and does not have authorization to get him anywhere in America. Since that wherever he came from was going through a war period, his visa and passport seemed to be barred because of the war. Some political confusion! Anywayz, so, he had no choice but to stay in the terminal. He got a job as a construction worker, met a stranger, Amelia(Catherine Zeta-Jones), played as a match-maker, meet new friends and finally got what he wanted after the misery he has been put through.
I am definately watching it again... it's worth the money (RM7... if you have a student ID during weekdays of cause). Oh well, guess i got to stop here and go back to my studies. Marketing exams on monday and i havent even prepare a single bit!! Oh well, so... off i go for now!
Movie Review
KNX/CBS Radio
Jim Svejda
"Warm, funny and endearing, 'The Terminal' is one of Steven Spielberg's most completely entertaining movies in years."
*I agree with the remarks he gave on 'The Terminal'!
Good Morning America
Joel Siegel
"The summer's great date film."
"Catherine Zeta-Jones is terminally gorgeous."
"Tom Hanks never ceases to amaze me."
*What could I say, Tom Hanks is pretty charming in this film. Pretty captivating i should say
So I started my 'Late Night, Part 2' and try finishing it. When I was writing and writing... suddenly, I just felt dizzy and made up my mind to get some sleep before dawn comes. So I did, and it wasn't a peaceful sleep. I woke up in between hours and find myself either being too cold or too hot.
I know that it will be pretty absurd to say that i finally woke up at 10.30am. Isn't it pretty predictable in a sense. A person sleeping way too early in the morning, and needed to complete a total of 8 hours sleep and finally woke up at the sound of the television downstairs and not the alarm clock that went off 2 hours before my actual 'wake-up' time. As usual, i walk into the bathroom and stop dead. Oh well, it's just me... i forgot my facial wash that is left in my closet and my towel which I somehow forgotten that it has been sent for washing. So I walked to my closet, get the things i wanted, and walked back to the bathroom. Now, i sat at the potty and wonder what am i doing next after my 'lil' business. Oh yeah, I forgot! I was suppose to fetch one of my friends to school and bummer, i woke up late! So, there I go, after my lil' business, i went walking straight back towards my bedroom, picked up the phone and dail his number... Argh, i give up... he isn't there when i desperatly needed an answer to my question. Yeah, if you are wondering, he is the only person that knows the answer to my question!
I don't even know why i bother telling my morning senarios to whoever might be reading this. Anywayz, going on to complete today's blog. Yeah, where was I, oh yes! Okay, so, i went back to the bathroom, thinking of where i left my toothbrush the other night and... oh yeah, found it! So i did what i needed to do next and have my face washed, contact lenses put on and here I go, off the bathroom and downstairs for breakfast just to find that it wasn't waiting for me.
Forget about breakfast, i took my car keys off the rack and went straight towards my car. Oh yeah, not forgetting my 'Safri Duo's CD. Needed something to 'tune' me up for the day since i won't be fetching my friend to school! There goes, off to school and into the computer lab after i arrived.
Passed up my assignment, ready to go off to wherever i feel like going. So i went to the cafeteria and waited for my friend to finish his exams so that we can decide where to go next. We hit the cinemas for the latest Steven Spielberg movie, The Terminal staring Tom Hanks and Catherine Zeta-Jones. Wow, some marvelous film directed by Steven. It is a really worth-watching-again-and-again film i suppose. I've already plan to get a vcd from the very start, but, to get a good one will cost be a bomb, so i shall wait for my uncle to consume one so that i can just get it from him!
Viktor Navorski (Tom Hanks) is a visitor in the United States that needs to go to New York so badly but found out that he is the owner of a passport that leads to nowhere. So he is stranded at the John F. Kennedy Airport and does not have authorization to get him anywhere in America. Since that wherever he came from was going through a war period, his visa and passport seemed to be barred because of the war. Some political confusion! Anywayz, so, he had no choice but to stay in the terminal. He got a job as a construction worker, met a stranger, Amelia(Catherine Zeta-Jones), played as a match-maker, meet new friends and finally got what he wanted after the misery he has been put through.
I am definately watching it again... it's worth the money (RM7... if you have a student ID during weekdays of cause). Oh well, guess i got to stop here and go back to my studies. Marketing exams on monday and i havent even prepare a single bit!! Oh well, so... off i go for now!
Movie Review
KNX/CBS Radio
Jim Svejda
"Warm, funny and endearing, 'The Terminal' is one of Steven Spielberg's most completely entertaining movies in years."
*I agree with the remarks he gave on 'The Terminal'!
Good Morning America
Joel Siegel
"The summer's great date film."
"Catherine Zeta-Jones is terminally gorgeous."
"Tom Hanks never ceases to amaze me."
*What could I say, Tom Hanks is pretty charming in this film. Pretty captivating i should say
Late Night, Part 2
Remember me when you fly off to wherever you are going…
So where is she going? I can’t believe the words that just came out of my own mouth. Again, I am lost. It has been too long I have known her. I thought I know her better than her other friends do, but, I was so wrong. What exactly do I know about her?
Unceasing nights of cracking brains, figuring out what she meant in my life made me find a peculiar reason to have an alternative best friend. I know that this sounds so wrong, but she is far beyond comprehension.
I am staying up late at night, practically figuring out what to do with her being the main source of confusion in my life. Here, Lionel Richie is singing in my ear, saying things will be fine as he wants to be free. I want freedom the same way he does, just to fly away and be with someone who knows I existed.
Rewind and freeze… she knows I existed, she knows I will be there for her whenever she needs me. She knows that she will have my forgiveness whatever happens next in life that includes me unveiling my anger in public because of her. Huh… what will be happening in the future that build up such anger in me that could not be hidden within me? Why review it to the public? So, what is the focal reason of me abandoning her, letting her fly off to wherever she is going… alone!
You are all I ever wanted, and my arms are open wide,
Cause you know just want to say and you know just what to do,
I want to tell you so much, I Love You.
Her favorite lyric from Lionel Richie’s “Hello” is somehow stuck in my mind. Could it be that someone is loving her that I might not know of. Maybe she likes someone that I do not know about. It is somehow as if she will ever tell me about her heart feelings towards a guy. Oh no, this makes me think… is she liking someone that I once loved?
So what if she does. It is not like I could possibly ever have the chance to stop her from doing so. Again, the question that needs an answer, who is she in my life? My best friend or is she just an acquaintance who has been taken as a ‘human-time-bomb’ subconsciously by me and waiting for it to explode and then slowly evaporate from my life. Why do I think of such things? I never meant to show my hatred towards her in my heart. It somehow came to my mind and I am feeling dizzy that I could somehow be unconscious any moment in time.
No wait, she once did fell for the one I love. Long story and I don’t want to speak of it ever again! Not even utter a word about it! The pain of unknown, or should I say, unrealized utterance could be pure and agonizing to my life for all I know. The incident has made me cry; it has drained the colors off my face. I want to take no notice of the incident again. I want it to somehow vanish away from my mind. How could that happen? I dream, I think, I recall… that is what humans are supposed to do right?
If I take a chance to step in another world, maybe I could never then dream again. What if I never can see her again? Never see the smile on her face, could never hear her tone of voice whenever she call for me to hear her out. What if she cries and I would not be there for her? I am drowning in darkness; drowning in silence… slowly being absorbed into space where no one could ever hear when I scream at the top of my lungs.
Hey, my plane will be leaving in 10 minutes. Do you have anything else you want to say before I go off?
The voice seems to be coming from a distance. Looking at her through blurry, tearful eyes, I gave her a questionable look. She smiled and just waved goodbye...
*I could not somehow think of a good conclusion to write... so i guess this article of mine is pretty much hanging in 'midair'
Thursday, October 21, 2004
Do I Get Credit For This!!
Alright, first of all, I am suppose to be focusing on completing my assignment for News Feature Writing. It is worth 40% and I do not think I am doing a pretty good job in trying to achieve a high credit or a mere distinction! I am somehow waiting for a miricale to drop down from the sky. Oh well, this thought actually made me think of the teenage flick 'Sabrina and the Teenage Witch'.
Bummer... it is not like me to think of such things at this point of time. I need to be researching on 'Alpha Omega Program' and 'Christ Centered Leaning Program'. In case you guys are kindda blur of what in the world do AOP and CCLP mean. These programes are homeschooling programes where they provide homeschooling resources online. Now, now, don't need to stare me in the eye, telling me that i am insane... or the ever favorite remark i get... Are you mad?
Oh cool, i should try the diagnostic test and see where i stand in my learning abilities... not!! Hrmm, brain... think... brain... function... brain... go to bed! Yikes, wait, now that's not right. Could not afford to fall asleep in bed and not finishing my assignment first... GURL... it's worth 40%... if you dont get it the first time... here it goes... it is worth FOURTY PERCENT!!
Tell me about it!! Okie... after my assignment... nope, can't sleep yet... I've got revision to do. If you think your life is bad.... analyse mine!!
Bummer... it is not like me to think of such things at this point of time. I need to be researching on 'Alpha Omega Program' and 'Christ Centered Leaning Program'. In case you guys are kindda blur of what in the world do AOP and CCLP mean. These programes are homeschooling programes where they provide homeschooling resources online. Now, now, don't need to stare me in the eye, telling me that i am insane... or the ever favorite remark i get... Are you mad?
Oh cool, i should try the diagnostic test and see where i stand in my learning abilities... not!! Hrmm, brain... think... brain... function... brain... go to bed! Yikes, wait, now that's not right. Could not afford to fall asleep in bed and not finishing my assignment first... GURL... it's worth 40%... if you dont get it the first time... here it goes... it is worth FOURTY PERCENT!!
Tell me about it!! Okie... after my assignment... nope, can't sleep yet... I've got revision to do. If you think your life is bad.... analyse mine!!
Wednesday, October 20, 2004
Draining Colours in Life
I somehow seem to be dreaming my life away. It took me quite sometime to find out that the colours in my vision has somehow gone down the drain. Don't ask me why. I never could find the answer. Maybe it is because I feel that life is just another painted picture. Colourless, or so to say... standing here looking at a black and white picture of me, my friends and my family did not bring back memories but instead made me look to into the future.
Searching for a silver lining after every bad things happened in life. I stare in the mirror, just looking at myself for the longest time... I would somehow wonder to myself... Life is just so beautiful, but why drain off the colours of my painted picture in mind?
I like walking in darkness during dusk. I like thinking how life has been so wonderful that I wish I could share it with someone I love. It does not mean that I won't have a chance to share, but, it is just that I could never paint that picture... the picture with the man of my dreams beside me. I don't know what colours should I use. I don't know the symbolism of colours.
So i painted it with a little blue and white, then a little red and orange, later in the evening, i changed the colours to black and white. Now, this is the way life goes... Early in the morning, your picture seem to be covered with the colours of blue, green, purple and pink. Later on in the afternoon, it starts changing into pure red and orange. When you start questioning about what's next in life... suddenly you found out that, when night comes, when the sun dissapears from the horizon, everything starts turning brown, then grey, then it left you with total pitch black that symbolizes darkness and loneliness.
My life is born in chains, now colours are drained... times are getting harder to get along. Moments of life need to be recall; needed to be changed. I kept on living in illusion, where noone is wrong or right. Kept on having hallucination, thinking that my love was there. My future is blur, that counts my vision. It is not visible to anyone, only God knows where I will be the next day when i get out of bed.
*This is just a crappy entery!!!!!
Searching for a silver lining after every bad things happened in life. I stare in the mirror, just looking at myself for the longest time... I would somehow wonder to myself... Life is just so beautiful, but why drain off the colours of my painted picture in mind?
I like walking in darkness during dusk. I like thinking how life has been so wonderful that I wish I could share it with someone I love. It does not mean that I won't have a chance to share, but, it is just that I could never paint that picture... the picture with the man of my dreams beside me. I don't know what colours should I use. I don't know the symbolism of colours.
So i painted it with a little blue and white, then a little red and orange, later in the evening, i changed the colours to black and white. Now, this is the way life goes... Early in the morning, your picture seem to be covered with the colours of blue, green, purple and pink. Later on in the afternoon, it starts changing into pure red and orange. When you start questioning about what's next in life... suddenly you found out that, when night comes, when the sun dissapears from the horizon, everything starts turning brown, then grey, then it left you with total pitch black that symbolizes darkness and loneliness.
My life is born in chains, now colours are drained... times are getting harder to get along. Moments of life need to be recall; needed to be changed. I kept on living in illusion, where noone is wrong or right. Kept on having hallucination, thinking that my love was there. My future is blur, that counts my vision. It is not visible to anyone, only God knows where I will be the next day when i get out of bed.
*This is just a crappy entery!!!!!
Tuesday, October 19, 2004
The Chances Are......Slim
Sad isn't it... when someone tells you that he or she could never be with you. All he treated you was strictly as friends and he seems to not want anything special going on between the both of you. So, all of a sudden, you just sit up in your room with the lights off, thinking of sweet memories of the two of you; sipping on coffee at the nearest cafe or having lunch at the Renaissance Hotel. When the Celtic music of 'Sona' by Secret Garden just started playing on your CD player, it reminded you of the walks you took with him. Just sauntering along the sandy beach; exchanging views of the world today. Hugging your bolster tightly and tears started streaming down your cheeks. Whenever you reach for a tissue, your tears would never stop its flow. Scattered was your tissue on the floor, but, too tired to gather them up neatly.
You sat for a long time on bed, just letting the memories dominate your sanity. You seem to be hypnotized by every word he had said in the past which were now replaying over and over again in your mind. You want it to stop, but it would never end. Those endless hurtful words he shouted and he seemed to have been excruciating you mentally. Because of those few abusive words that has been spoken through his mouth; through the person that you love most in your life. That does not sound like him at all. You never recall a day seeing him act this way. Suddenly, your emotions seem to be changing gradually. Firstly, you felt upset with the way he reacted, but now, you feel the anger burning in you. You do not know what to do next, you just hid under your sheets, put a pillow against your face and scream till your lungs feel sore.
Annoyed by what you did, you threw the covers off your bed and stood up to go to the bathroom. Just looking at your image in the mirror and screamed... "YOU FOOL". Yes, indeed, you have been such a fool to thrust your whole life at someone who doesn't even notice you; someone who doesn't even know you existed. What's the use for all the shattered tears and the agony felt when the opposite sex isn't feeling the same for you. It's time to go on you suddenly told yourself. The image shown in the mirror wasn't you at all. You smashed it and went to bed. You were then trying so hard to get some sleep.
In your dreams, you saw him again. He is having his arms outstretched to receive your embrace. You hesitated for a moment. Being fully awake, you knew that it was just a dream. You got a glimpse of him… now, was that tears you see in his eyes?
You asked yourself, why is he crying for me?
You stared, stunned. You were somehow stupefied.
What is it that he wants?
You continued building and implanting questions in your mind. Your mind just felt so heavy, you wanted to run... a substantial mile perhaps? How long can you last?
The voice of your deceased grandmother came back to haunt your mind… she told you once to never run from your problems as you will end up absorbing more. You wanted to settle it once and for all.
You stepped closer to him.
I am sorry... I need you here with me.
He spoke for the very first time in ages. Dazed; just looking at him made your heart felt insecure. Your heart started palpitating violently... hyperventilating... breathing in air... trying to be calm.
Do not panic, you advised yourself.
You seem to be mesmerized by his eyes.
The population of the world seems to be limited down to the both of you. Both of you were somehow standing in the lime light.
Something in him seemed to be astonishing and you would be so much so eager to find out. Suddenly, he spoke poetically, but, you could not seem to understand the meaning of his conveyed poem. Even though you understand wholly of each word he says, but the sentence of each line did not seem to form meanings. Somehow, it did not seem to connect.
Isn’t the moonlight looking pale tonight?
Just you and I underneath this ray of light.
Can’t you feel my craving heart?
It’s for you, can’t you see?
Blindness seems to engulf your innocent mind,
The mind of an infant I would have once knew.
You try to analyze the things he just said. However, the meaning does not seem to be at all comprehensible. You wanted truly to know what he said. You lifted your head; opened your mouth, not a single word had the chance to be uttered and he vanished.
Late Night, Part 1
Sometimes people could just be caught up in their own fantasies. They do not search for truth and live their life to the fullest in reality. Here I am again, listening to a song that once spiced up my life. But now, all I know is that I missed all my friends and there isn’t a song to end with it.
Farewell… may time bring us closer together. Now wait a minute, isn’t this fantasized thinking. How could your friends be near you when they are miles away from where you originally were? Time may bring us closer together when we do have a chance to keep in touch with each other. But, I mean, how many of us actually write decent mails to each other everyday of our lives and get on with work after a long email typed? Everyone now seems to be chasing time, running into career search, bumping into celebrities where they want to meet all their lives. I know that last statement of mine is a little sarcastic. Never live through it, never will know. Who knows, your closest friend may end up singing their hearts out in an open air concert for all you care and start giving the cold shoulder that says ‘I am popular and you aren’t’. That’s just life, we need to cope with it, or should I say, live with it.
Anyone who has ever been obsessed of becoming a super star? Well, I did when I was still a little kid. Singing karaoke in the middle of the night, in the toilet while having an afternoon bath, singing at each and every corner I turn when I am walking outside each and every corridor of the school. But where does it lead me to? Uncertainty. I love my voice. I had the tendency of enjoying the way I sing, the way I lift my voice to sing a note where Mariah Carey could. Trust me; I wasn’t at all depressed if I could not do so. I mean, practice makes perfect. But could this statement be true? Well, we practice our hearts out for something we thought we can excel in, but end up at the far end of the race. Now tell me, isn’t that reality? No matter how hard you try to strive to be someone you want to be, but indeed felt that you have fallen way deep into a deep pit. How hard you try crawling out of that little pit, you could not get far to breath the air ever again!
Some score aces in their lives; excellent in sports and one of a kind in debate clubs; plays for the local orchestra and went international later on in life; moving beyond famous in a crowd; going to the extent of thinking that everything is fine in their lives. This comes to a true acquirement from a person who thinks smart and act dump. True enough that somehow people do not expect their peers to see the ‘smartness’ in them. So that is why, they act as if the world is against them and try to be humble for all they can. I wish I could be the smart one, the successful one and the knowledgeable breed that came from centuries ago, say, the time when Caesar was looked up to by the Romans or maybe Cleopatra with her stunning beauty and captivating figure. Knowledge can always be a sin. You know too much; you have no limits to yourself. All you want to do is to know more about life, and chances are that you may end up at the wrong place at the wrong time. Now where is that place I am talking about? You will figure it out by yourself… I hope!
Sounds sadistic enough to be in the headlines of the newspaper the next day? “A girl about to commit suicide after her moment of utterances”, maybe it could have a summary lead of what my story is trying to say. Now, isn’t this just the model of communication where you learn firstly should be the sender, then the message and finally someone who receives the message. If you think I am sick and tired of my life, I am so sorry to say that you are wrong. I am never sick of life, how could I be? My life revolves around family members and my close relationship with my peers. Acquaintances could be out of mind, but who knows, your closest friends may be just another acquaintance of yours who you don’t know well and thought you know them for life. Forget about finding the one you love, you will likely return to round one after long hours of sufferings and pure agony. If not love, then crush maybe. It hurts, truly and deeply. Come to think of it, I have been hurt and truly still am hurt. Trying so hard to show your love for him but end up not wanting him to know. Why? Because, if he knows, you will never know what he thinks until he shows a reaction. What is the probability, or should I say, possibility of him liking you in return? What does the signs he shows means to you? A little tap on the shoulder; running his fingers through your hair, telling you that it is silky and soft; a sexy grin he tries to give you every moment of the day he sees you; a chance he wants to get to talk to you when he needs someone to share his problems with. However, at the end of the day, he is just trying to make you one of his acquaintance and not his closest friend. You may ask why… all I could say is that, he never likes you, just have been admiring your sensibility and your patience with him. How do you defer like and love when both has the same meaning but aren’t deeper than the other. If I say I like someone, what will it mean to you? And if I were to say I love someone, what will be on your mind the moment I confess? Either ways, you may think I am trying to hint you of someone I do really admire. But at the same time, I am just trying to see your reaction.
Have you admire anyone in your life? A pop-star maybe or your friends who have great knowledge on things you wish you had. That is just pure jealousy. Admire is not just a word; admire comes with an equal amount of jealousy at heart. You wouldn’t know because you never try searching your heart. A person score a distinction in their assignments, you admire them and wish you had done so too. Now, isn’t that jealousy you are showing when you really want something you could not have that your friends had it instead? Do not admire then, just look and smile at it and say, “I wouldn’t mind not having her qualities, because God is fair”.
Farewell… may time bring us closer together. Now wait a minute, isn’t this fantasized thinking. How could your friends be near you when they are miles away from where you originally were? Time may bring us closer together when we do have a chance to keep in touch with each other. But, I mean, how many of us actually write decent mails to each other everyday of our lives and get on with work after a long email typed? Everyone now seems to be chasing time, running into career search, bumping into celebrities where they want to meet all their lives. I know that last statement of mine is a little sarcastic. Never live through it, never will know. Who knows, your closest friend may end up singing their hearts out in an open air concert for all you care and start giving the cold shoulder that says ‘I am popular and you aren’t’. That’s just life, we need to cope with it, or should I say, live with it.
Anyone who has ever been obsessed of becoming a super star? Well, I did when I was still a little kid. Singing karaoke in the middle of the night, in the toilet while having an afternoon bath, singing at each and every corner I turn when I am walking outside each and every corridor of the school. But where does it lead me to? Uncertainty. I love my voice. I had the tendency of enjoying the way I sing, the way I lift my voice to sing a note where Mariah Carey could. Trust me; I wasn’t at all depressed if I could not do so. I mean, practice makes perfect. But could this statement be true? Well, we practice our hearts out for something we thought we can excel in, but end up at the far end of the race. Now tell me, isn’t that reality? No matter how hard you try to strive to be someone you want to be, but indeed felt that you have fallen way deep into a deep pit. How hard you try crawling out of that little pit, you could not get far to breath the air ever again!
Some score aces in their lives; excellent in sports and one of a kind in debate clubs; plays for the local orchestra and went international later on in life; moving beyond famous in a crowd; going to the extent of thinking that everything is fine in their lives. This comes to a true acquirement from a person who thinks smart and act dump. True enough that somehow people do not expect their peers to see the ‘smartness’ in them. So that is why, they act as if the world is against them and try to be humble for all they can. I wish I could be the smart one, the successful one and the knowledgeable breed that came from centuries ago, say, the time when Caesar was looked up to by the Romans or maybe Cleopatra with her stunning beauty and captivating figure. Knowledge can always be a sin. You know too much; you have no limits to yourself. All you want to do is to know more about life, and chances are that you may end up at the wrong place at the wrong time. Now where is that place I am talking about? You will figure it out by yourself… I hope!
Sounds sadistic enough to be in the headlines of the newspaper the next day? “A girl about to commit suicide after her moment of utterances”, maybe it could have a summary lead of what my story is trying to say. Now, isn’t this just the model of communication where you learn firstly should be the sender, then the message and finally someone who receives the message. If you think I am sick and tired of my life, I am so sorry to say that you are wrong. I am never sick of life, how could I be? My life revolves around family members and my close relationship with my peers. Acquaintances could be out of mind, but who knows, your closest friends may be just another acquaintance of yours who you don’t know well and thought you know them for life. Forget about finding the one you love, you will likely return to round one after long hours of sufferings and pure agony. If not love, then crush maybe. It hurts, truly and deeply. Come to think of it, I have been hurt and truly still am hurt. Trying so hard to show your love for him but end up not wanting him to know. Why? Because, if he knows, you will never know what he thinks until he shows a reaction. What is the probability, or should I say, possibility of him liking you in return? What does the signs he shows means to you? A little tap on the shoulder; running his fingers through your hair, telling you that it is silky and soft; a sexy grin he tries to give you every moment of the day he sees you; a chance he wants to get to talk to you when he needs someone to share his problems with. However, at the end of the day, he is just trying to make you one of his acquaintance and not his closest friend. You may ask why… all I could say is that, he never likes you, just have been admiring your sensibility and your patience with him. How do you defer like and love when both has the same meaning but aren’t deeper than the other. If I say I like someone, what will it mean to you? And if I were to say I love someone, what will be on your mind the moment I confess? Either ways, you may think I am trying to hint you of someone I do really admire. But at the same time, I am just trying to see your reaction.
Have you admire anyone in your life? A pop-star maybe or your friends who have great knowledge on things you wish you had. That is just pure jealousy. Admire is not just a word; admire comes with an equal amount of jealousy at heart. You wouldn’t know because you never try searching your heart. A person score a distinction in their assignments, you admire them and wish you had done so too. Now, isn’t that jealousy you are showing when you really want something you could not have that your friends had it instead? Do not admire then, just look and smile at it and say, “I wouldn’t mind not having her qualities, because God is fair”.