Forever - never will happen

I sat on my bed and wondered; what life may be like when one speaks of “forever”. I have not known “forever” in context of being in a relationship, but after knowing him and having the chance of a life time, I finally saw “forever” in his eyes. However, what I wished I could have “forever” will never come true as religion is seen to be the biggest barrier for the relationship to go on.

In the book that I was reading, about the women of China, I came across a chapter where a woman was heart broken to know that after four years of infatuating her one true love and awaiting for his arrival after a long time of separation, just came to find out that he was engaged to another in a reunion party. I was just thinking to myself, if one sees “forever” and feels “forever”, one’s hopes and dreams can be shattered “forever” when things does not work out in the future.

I feel insecure all over again tonight, just to know the fact that “forever” could only be seen in his eyes but the love that needs nurturing will somehow stop in the matter of years to come. When you once thought you will be holding and cherishing a lover so dearly to you for life, but somehow, the fact of being together “forever” will only have a slight chance of being granted.

During lunch today, I found out that I was one of the happiest woman on earth sitting in front of my love while dinning Chinese cuisine with him. Just love the way he uses his chopsticks while trying his best to pick up the vegetables from the dishes. Can I have that view “forever”? I love it when he tries so hard to speak a word of Chinese and it never fails to make me laugh my senses off, but, could I have that “forever”? Sometimes in life, what’s before you can seem to be beautiful, but what stays ugly is that to know the fact that it’s just momentarily or temporary beauty before you to admire and cherish.

I don’t want to be a victim of a life-time heartache. I wouldn’t even want the clock to tick the very next moment to tell me that it is a minute to the next hour. I don’t want time to fly when I’m with him, or have his goodbyes said to me like it meant an end to an afternoon meeting. I just want time to freeze its ticking when we are alone; just want him all to myself in a room and most of all, I want to know that he can give me “forever”.

“Forever” can be seen as a word that does not holds faithful to its meaning. When one speaks of "forever", she/he means for all future time. However, when I speak of something to be “forever”, what I really meant it to be is that it only holds memories of what will be temporal in reality but will stay ever lasting in the corner of my mind.