I do not know what to feel at this very moment. I do not fill loved, trusted or furthermore, i do not even feel wanted. All i feel is that i need to break free from whatever feelings i'm having within me. Being loved is an illusion that will never turn into a reality. When someone say he or she loves you, it only means a matter of years and never eternal. It is almost like i have a pessimistic view on love and yes indeed, i do. I do not believe first love will last to be forever. I do not believe one could ever be satisfied with only one lover in their life. It's just us humans to be asking for more, and when we come to the part where we fear most, marriage, only then we'll start thinking on whether or not he or she is the one.

I just sit and think back of the days when i'm still single. The life that i've come to miss and wish that i could bring it with me further. When i fell inlove, i thought it would be a turning point for me. From lonliness to having a companion, from sadness to happiness. What i thought i could have turned out to be another story. It is not that i'm not happy with whoever i'm with now, it is more to me not being sure whether i am certain he is the one. Why do i still feel sadness when a companion promise you happiness? Why do i still feel loneliness when a companion is suppose to keep you company? Why do i feel unappreciated when my love has always been trying to commit? Love is never a one way communication. Love is never something tame, but hazardous when it comes to a certain stage.

I feel let down at times when things do not go my way. I wish things could be done much perfectly than what i have now. Exactly, we can never always get anything and everything we want. Dwelling on those possibilities are just mere dissappointments. I wonder what it could be like if there is no such thing as love. It may be chaos, but it would be much better to not have the feeling and feel let down after a heart is broken.

The most cruel feeling to have is to want your love to love you the way you wanted him/her to. It's a selfish thought but it is what everyone wants and needs. I want him to love me the way i want him to, but that would not be the case cause if it were to happen, then we would not be loving each other anymore but more towards competing to fulfill each others wants and needs. It is much better to sit back and observe how a person so dear to you can love you the way he thinks is best. And if he fail to fulfill whatever you wish he could, it is just life then as everyone is never perfect.

I have never fell in love so deeply with someone. And when i do, i know the taste of bitterness and sweetness while being in a relationship. It sucks but it is just the parcel of life that we need to go through. I'll learn how to love again if i need to. I'll learn how to survive without him being by my side as i have to. The most important thing, i'll learn the true meaning of love before i settle for eternity.