Ballerina

There was a girl sitting at a coffee table at a corner of the café where I am working in the yester night.

As I served her coffee, I saw that she was attentively scribbling endlessly on a piece of crumbled paper that she had in front of her.

Burning with curiosity to know what she’s writing, for a second, I was tempted to just sneak behind her back to take a stealthy look into her writing. On the other hand, I feel guilty for doing so as I know it is wrong to interfere in another’s affair, especially when I’m doing it surreptitiously.

As I served the last customer of the night, all of a sudden, a young gentleman came walking through the entrance of the café. He signaled the lady who was engaged in her writing a while ago, but at that very moment, she was just relaxing in her place while taking a last sip of her coffee.

At the corner of my eyes, she stood up, lightly laid a five dollar note on the coffee table and exited through out the door of the café. She was gone with the young gentleman and never returned.

“My Life as a Ballerina” was the title of her masterpiece that she was working so hard on. Why did she leave it here on the table? I wanted to run after her to return her writing but she was out of sight.

Should I read it or should I not?

Read it! A voice screamed in my mind.

I did, and I read. Being thankful that the day had come to an end and customers were leaving the café to head to their next destination.

I sat at the place where the lady was sitting awhile ago. A coffee in my hand and the letter was held up at eye level as I scanned through her ‘life’ which was narrated in the piece of paper.

She was just nine when she started dancing. She was crowned ‘Princess of Ballet’ at the age of 17 and from then on her career started and ended at the age of 23. She wanted so much to continue pursuing her dreams as a dancer but she was facing a fearful dilemma at that very point of time which stood as a barrier between her dreams and her life.

She fell in love with her dance instructor who was 12 years older than she was. All this while, she was hiding her feelings away from him without even building the courage to tell him how much he meant to her. That was her first mistake in life which she made, and now that he has gone, she was regretting so much that it hurts. She was afraid to go to bed at night because each night, as she closes her eyes, she will see her instructor dancing in the pale moonlight and that sight will never fade away. It just kept lingering in her dreams.

After he was pronounced dead on the night of her performance, she knew that bits and pieces of her life were just slowly tumbling down before her eyes. After 2 years of living in agony, a different story began in her life when a new instructor came to guide her in dancing. He was not only a mentor to her, but also her dance partner.

This time it wasn’t her who fell in love, but it was him who has deep affection for her.

His feelings were guarded by the fact that he is a married man to a beautiful wife and three children. However, each time when they dance, his love was shown through body language and the way he held her.

He reminds me of him! And I don’t want to fall for someone who is married to a lovely woman…

Unconsciously, she was too falling inlove with her new instructor. Only time could tell whether they were meant for each other, but, the very fact that he is married disturbed her deeply.

On the day of the competition, she was reluctant to participate all of a sudden. Hesitating to walk out the door of her apartment, she sat infront of the mirror and asked herself over and over again, “what if I don’t attend, will he ever understand?”

I don’t want him to feel rejected; I just want him to understand what true happiness means when it’s just right before his very eyes. I don’t want him to make a mistake where both of us will regret at the end.

She knew that if she went on dancing with him, it may lead to misery and that she will be the one to be blamed.

She cried, not wanting to loose the chance of seeing him for the very last time, she knew she had a choice to make. At the end, she chose to dance the very last dance.

It was the most wondrous night she had ever experienced. As the song “And When She Dance” by David Foster & Marilyn Martin started playing, they just glided onto the dance floor. They danced gracefully into the night. They were brought into the limelight. At that very moment, she knew very well that she will be leaving the dance floor with memories which will be of burden to her at the end of her performance. She didn’t pay much attention to what will be happening next after the night is over, but, she just wanted so much to enjoy what is now and will be gone at the very moment the music stops.

Mixed feelings of anxiety and joy were what I felt that night, but now, they are just a burdened memory kept in my heart. From today on, as I lay my pen at rest, I will never want to remember these sweet memories ever again. I must learn to let go and carry on with life which I know that I will find meaning to live for once again. Whomever who is reading this right now, do keep it a secret and never share what is felt by ‘you’ to the people around you. Thank you for serving my vision.

It ended so abruptly. I wanted to know more; to know what happened next in her life after she stopped her career as a ballerina. Who was the gentleman she left with that day? I smiled to myself, knowing that she had lay down her burdened memories on this little piece of crumbled paper and carried on with life.

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Listening to a song titled 'And When She Dance' by David Foster & Marilyn Martin

Song: And When She Dance
Artist(s): David Foster & Marilyn Martin

Can you go back in time to a place in your mind
To the one who knew a part of you
That you just couldn't find.

If you ask me to choose between a memory or two
When it's said and done
I'll take the one who's love I had to lose.

Cause when she danced
I lost my inner sense
I loved her then, I always would.

She left with me
It's still with me
A burnin' memory

She took with her a part of me
If I could get back where I've been
Feel the passion I felt then

I'd be there right now and yet somehow
It never comes again

She had nothin' to gain
No where to go
To the way out of pain
The time with
With a song and dance she lost romance
The world had gone insane

Cause when she danced
Cause when we danced
I lost my inner sense
I loved her then
I loved
I always will
I always will
She left with me
He left with me
A burnin' memory
Remember somehow

She took with her a part of me
Can you go back in time to a place in your mind
To the one who knew a part of you
That you just couldn't find

Lookin' back I'm not sure
If I won or lost the war
When she danced with me
Our hearts were free as far as I could see

I'd be there right now and yet somehow
It never comes again
When she danced with me
Our hearts were free
Were free
As far as I could see

The Arms of Unforgiving

Blood dripping into the fire of madness,
Countless hours I strive to attain chances.
You heard none of my cries when I’m in trouble,
Instead you said goodbye in the year after the other.

Petals of roses lying still on my bed,
The ones you gave on Valentine’s day.
Piercing my heart was your angered message,
That runs through my veins and up to my head.

I lost my sense of belonging in the world today,
Nothing will ever be the same again.
Again I pray for tomorrow’s forgiveness,
In hoping today’s sin will be forgotten.

Stormy weathers may never scare me,
Not even the wolf of the night which comes hunting.
Torn flesh kept in a jar,
Do you know what I’m saying?
Indeed forgotten were the words out from him.

Lie awake naked on soft land,
Greeting the dark with a touch of your hand.
Close your eyes, never see the day light again,
Breath in air, tomorrow will be too late.

Dreams speak meanings one may never comprehend.
Never ask as it never will come to an end.
Do you see a man standing there waving?
That’s Death greeting you with the arms of the unforgiving.

Goodbye 2

This poem somehow just formed in my mind when I was thinking hard on how to tackle my Public Relations Theory and Process (PRL2003) assignment and I just open up a new document on Microsoft Word and started ‘spilling’ it out. So, here goes:

None of your embrace I deserve,
Not in your arms I want to spend time in,
Not the love I need from you now,
But the coldness that reminds me of goodbye.

Sometimes, for certain, I want you here,
But now, I want you far.
Don’t ask me why as I don’t even know,
Your picture is what’s left standing on my shelf.

You said you love me but you don’t know the true me,
You said you miss me without knowing where I’ve been,
You said you need me without knowing what you want,
Stop saying you adore me without knowing who I am.

I need your kindness,
Too late… it’s not taken.
You gave your sympathy,
Which I regret receiving.

On the crossroads once again,
Your pathetic life flashes before my eyes.
You ask why,
I need not say much,
Just a cry of goodbye.

Dimensions of My Life

I never want to fall asleep tonight.

After the dream I had in the afternoon still lingers in my mind.

I’m feeling drowsy, but yet, I force myself to not close my eyes. I don’t want to see the horrendous side of things again. I may not experience it in reality… yet (I won’t be gambling with the word ‘fate’), but in my dreams, things seemed so real and if as if I’m physically being there. Transformation of place in an instance has been experienced, emotions well felt, and the object seems so real… the mansion, the bed, the room and even people walking and talking in my dreams.

What the heck, I am supposed to be done with the preparation for Dr. Jaga’s presentation tomorrow. I have a choice of deferring it to next Friday or present it tomorrow. Well, what I thought of is that I should finish my preparation today and not present it tomorrow but present it next Friday. Ah well, it’s just another lazy me speaking and is as if I have a choice of not being lazy. Well, I do, but not at this point of time when I’m still on ‘honeymoon’… a week without assignments. Not just yet, I have two assignments due on the 9th of May, but somehow, a part of me thinks that confidence speaks it all. However, what forms in my mind is that without knowing what a person is supposed to do, how can confidence come along?

I don’t want to sleep tonight… I’m just being paranoid of things… of things which are about to happen, which are already happening, and which already happened in life. I’m afraid of history reread… rewriting itself in my life… refocusing on what I least expected it to. We are expected to learn from our past history, but why am I being paranoid when I should face it with full optimism and confidence? Does the word ‘paranoia’ occurs for now and goes away when the tomorrow comes? How will it ever go away once the feeling of being paranoid has already blended into my everyday life? Not like I can stop myself from being paranoid. Maybe I can or maybe I should and that if I would, what makes me?

Again, illogical thoughts for the night… at the end of the day, I do hope I’m not suffering from schizophrenia… somebody shoot me!!

To The One I Love Most Now...

In a quiet room one night,
I sat and just wonder,
Things had happened all so well,
But there are still thoughts left to ponder.

I know no sorrows for the weeks experienced,
I know no fear to what is to come the day after.
I come to see truth in the eyes of my beloved,
The surreptitious look from him has somehow evanesced.

Be gone were the days of loneliess,
Sitting up in the room dreaming endlessness,
Fell in with times of emptiness,
Known as unread history but blossomed into prettiness.

Shall i dance to the "cadence" of love?
Or stay in a corner with lingering darkness?
I may think of fulfilling my dersires...
Of longing to be in the arms of my beloved.

To sit and stare in the eyes of endless gorgeousness,
To touch his lips where a kiss can taste...
The sweetness of life and the joy that came within,
With a heart of pure authenticity,
That is what known to be deep down in him.

Through the hours of anger,
I saw a smile.
Through times of need of encouragement,
A hug came to existance.
And when times i need someone to speak to,
An ear listened,
And voices of advice heard in an instance.

How much i love him?
Never ask.
I know not,
As words can never describe the deepness.
Words can never describe my feelings,
And words can definately never describe a wholeness of love.

Goodbye...

I was just sitting infront of the computer screen, thinking of what am i to write... suddenly, i was just inspired to write a 'goodbye' poem. It does not mean any particular heart feelings for anyone, so once you read it, don't think that i'm in going through a time of depression, is just something that happened around me that inspires me to write this poem.

My past led me back to the cross-roads where we met,

Yesterday was another dream kept in my heart,

The truth hurts but too bad it stays that way,

When tomorrow comes,

Nothing could ever be the same again.

What's yours was once mine,

What made you happy just made me smile,

I wept for the days we stayed apart,

Not knowing how we felt for one another,

Until today.

Time passes fast without a single memory,

A chance together only last a moment,

As i fight through stormy weather just to be,

An independent person without you being here with me.

Hurtful words piercing through my heart,

Undying love that i've shown was never good enough,

Commitment seemed so far away,

Away from providing happiness to your everyday.

Do u remember the time i cried when you said goodbye?

The last time we held without saying a word.

Could you tell whether time was on our side?

As it faded through the night...

Goodbye is so difficult but it came once again in sight.

Clever Malaysians?

The objective of STPM is to pass people?
How do you explain the fact that 87% of the students passed the examinations of the Sijil Tinggi Persekolahan Malaysia (STPM) recently?
When during your grandfather's time only 10% would have passed?

Are students getting smarter? Or are STPM questions getting easier?

Let me put things in their proper perspective.

During your grandfather's time, they would ask exam questions like:

In what year did Parameswara founded the kingdom of Melaka?

The correct answer was "1402", and they found that only 10% of the students managed to answer the question correctly. This didn't go down too well with the authorities, because the objective of the exams was to pass people.

I mean, what's the point of having exams if people fail?

So later, they found another way to ask the same question:

Parameswara founded the kingdom of Melaka in the year:
(a) 2001
(b) 2004
(c) 1986
(d) 1975
(e) 1402
Tick the correct answer.

The results were better in that 20% of the students passed. But it was still not good enough, so the authorities tried a different tact a few years later.

Parameswara founded the kingdom of Melaka in the year1402. True or false?

Well, half of the students guessed "True" and the other half guessed "False". Fully 50% passed. The results were getting pretty acceptable by now.

Most other countries would be satisfied with a 50% passing rate, but not us. We are a better country, because we are a boleh country.The authorities then cracked their heads and then came out with this one:

Read the following sentence carefully.
"Parameswara, the cousin of Proton-Iswara, founded the kingdom of Melaka in the year 1402."
Underline the name of the person who founded Melaka.

60% underlined "Parameswara", 30% underlined "Proton-Iswara" and 10% underlined "1402". Hooiyoh......60% managed to pass! So krever!

But for some reason, the authorities were still not contented.
So last year, they came out with this gem:

One day in the year 1402, Parameswara founded the kingdom of Melaka. Then he went home to have dinner. What did he eat?

13% handed in blank answers, 57% wrote "Maggi Mee", and 10% wrote "Kentucky Fried Chicken", and 20% wrote "Tree bark".
The official answer was "Food" of course!
After the marking was over, it was found that 87% of the students had passed.
87%............now that's pretty impressive!

So it's true. The students are indeed getting smarter.

Focus on verse 26

This is the biblical parable of Lot's wife... The King James Bible, Chapter 19, versus 1 - 26

1 And there came two angels to Sodom at even; and Lot sat in the gate of Sodom: and Lot seeing them rose up to meet them; and he bowed himself with his face toward the ground.

2 And he said, Behold now, my lords, turn in, I pray you, into your servant's house, and tarry all night, and wash your feet, and ye shall rise up early, and go on your ways. And they said, Nay; but we will abide in the street all night.

3 And he pressed upon them greatly; and they turned in unto him, and entered into his house; and he made them a feast, and did bake unleavened bread, and they did eat.

4 But before they lay down, the men of the city, even the men of Sodom, compassed the house round, old and young, all the people from every quarter:

5 And they called unto Lot, and said unto him, Where are the men which came in to thee this night? bring them out unto us, that we may know them.

6 And Lot went out at the door unto them, and shut the door after him.

7 And said, i pray you, brethren, do not so wickedly.

8 Behold now, i have two daughters which have not known man; let me, i pray you, bring them out unto you, and do ye to them as is good in your eyes: only unto these men do nothing; for therefore came they under the shadow of my rood.

9 And they said, Stand back. And they said again, This one fellow came in to sojourn, and he will needs be a judge: now will we deal worse with thee, than with them. And they pressed sore upon the man, even Lot, and came near to break the door.

10 But the men put forth their hand, and pulled Lot into the house to them, and shut to the door.

11 And they smote the men that were at the door of the house with blindness, both small and great: so they wearied themselves to find the door.

12 And the men said unto Lot, Hast thou here any besides? son in law, and thy sons, and thy daughthers, and whatsoever thou hast in the city, bring them out of this place:

13 For we will destroy this place, because the cry of them is waxen great before the face of the LORD; and the LORD hath sent us to destroy it.

14 And Lot went out, and spake unto his sons in law, which married his daughters, and said, Up, get you out of this place; for the LORD will destroy this city. But he seemed as one that mocked unto his sons in law.

15 And when the morning arose, then the angels hastened Lot, saying, Arise, take thy wife, and thy two daugthers, which are here; lest thou be consumed in the iniquity of the city.

16 And while he lingered, the men laid hold upon his hand, and upon the hand of his wife, and upon the hand of his two daughters; the LORD being merciful unto him: and they brought him forth, and set him without the city.

17 And it came to pass, when they had brough them forth abroad, that he said, Escape for thy life; look not behind thee, neither stay thou in all the plain; escape to the mountain, lest thou be consumed.

18 And Lot said unto them, Oh, not so, my Lord:

19 Behold now, thy servant hath found grace in thy sight, and thou hast magnified thy mercy, which thou hast shewed unto me in saving my life; and i cannot escape to the mountain, lest some evil take me, and i die:

20 Behold now, this city is near to flee unto, and it is little one: Oh, let me escape thither, (is it not a little one?) and my soul shall live.

21 And he said unto them, See, I have accepted thee concerning this thing also, that I will not overthrow this city, for the which thou hast spoken.

22 Haste thee, escape thither; for I cannot do any thing till thou be come thither. Therefore the name of the city was called Zoar.

23 The sun was risen upon the earth when Lot entered into Zoar.

24 Then the LORD rained upon Sodom and upon Gomorrah brimstone and fire from the LORD out of heaven;

25 And he overthrew those cities, and all the plain, and all the inhabitants of the cities, and that which grew upon the ground.

26 But his wife looked back from behind him, and she became a pillar of salt.

Life sucks when you are studying COM2407

Trying my best to complete COM2407 - how am i to reach a 2000 word essay when i'm not even close to a 1000 words? *boo hoo*

Perfect - a word of illusion?

There comes a time when all you think about is the perfectness of life that you are in now. Everything seems to be perfect: a perfect score, a perfect family, a perfect living, and even a perfect boyfriend. However, when you are emphasizing on the word 'pefect' many many times, it turns out that this word is just illusional.

I doubt that each moment of my life is what i see as perfect. I don't see life as being perfect, but i see it as a momentary perfection. For those who are reading this entry of mine, you might be thinking where i'm heading to... well, to keep you from questioning on further, i'm heading to one point - perfection is just an illusion. I enjoy every moment of my life now as i have a wonderful boyfriend by the name of Zeck. He is committed and loving and i just love him more and more each day by knowing the fact that he is who he is in my life.

Reality strikes when you never wanted it to. A friend of mine is going through a hard time as she, at once, had someone she could be committed to and to be loved. When she got into my car today, i was almost close to tears when she told me that it had all ended the night before. How can one so committed and so loving deserve a break up like this? Somehow i couldn't make sense out of it. It may be a nightmare for her, but in a way, it influence much on my thinking.

I sat there, in silence, just thinking... I can't help it but to think of me being in her position, which of course, i wouldn't want to. However, i could never help it. I tried to cry, but i know that i have no reason to do so.

~Life must go on even though things happened the way you don't want it to~

Scary Thoughts for the Night

I'm just thinking right now... what if i left the world without a single sweet memory to take away with me; will i ever find true happiness in the 'other' world that i'll be ending up in. Let's say heaven... if i'm about to go there, what will be the possibility that i'll meet people whom i've read in the Bible? What are the possibilities of me dinning with Christ and His 12 faithful followers?

What if i end up in a place where darkness is only what i'll see and i'm not able to feel a thing? I'm not being suicidal nor am i feeling depress at this moment... but what if... just what if, i'm about to leave tonight to a place where none of my friends can be able to search for me? I'm not thinking of whether i'll be missed but i'm thinking of more towards where i will end up.

*~Sometimes in life, whenever I am deep in thoughts, strange imagination starts to form in my mind that only God knows what i'm thinking of. This is the time in life where i'm concern of my entire self... the self that i'm living in right now... the self that gives me an identity of who i am and what i have become... the self that was formed through observation of how the world goes round and how people interact and communicate with one another; how the environment influenced me to be me; just to be who i am now... most important of all, i'm questioning how and why God gave me an identity and show me how i should live my life...~*

I hate what i'm thinking now... and i hate most of all the weird feelings that only forms during the night. I'll just go to bed... tomorrow is another brand new day for me to live to my fullest, for me to write unwritten history and began a new chapter of my daily life. Tomorrow is where change occurs to the very extant which i will never get to know and only one could tell.

This is just not my day

I'm close to the point of giving everything up. Serious! I've been sitting down here in Computer Lab 2 and nothing is done. I'm suppose to research for an assignment which will be due next monday and i havent got a clue what am i suppose to do. Well, the question may sound simple, but why does it not make sense to me?!

I'm sick and tired of searching high and low for sources when all i get in return is 'not valid'. Argh, i'm seriously going nuts!! I guess i got to rely on my procrastination skills this time. I want a Distiction for Organizational Behavior. However, with this attitude i'm having, i think i'll just manage to strive for a Credit.

Argh!!!! This is just not my day!!!

Shut Up

Feelings of discomfort filled the air where I am,
I just wanted freedom to be within reach.
Telling my mind to stop playing these games with me,
I want to be calm, forget the anger within.

Stop the calls of miserable darkness,
When silence is all it needs to break loose.
I can’t stand another day listening to that voice,
The voice of displeasure that made me want to puke.

I want to go to a place far from here,
To a place where I can call home.
I want to leave this miserable earth,
Fly to a place where heaven occurred.

Try plunging into a pool of blood,
Cries are only the sound you heard.
Don’t blame me for what you see,
Sufferings come when you less expect it.

Less fighting may cause eternal peace,
Shut up and listen,
You might hear something from me.
Count the days before you end up in misery,
Don’t tell me I’ve never warn you,
As I’m doing here as I please.

What Is On My Mind

"Now that i have him, i'm very afraid to loose him!"

----------

I just feel this way right now. I hope things will turn out just fine!

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It's over when i say it is!!

Finally, after 2 weeks of endless worries, i made my choice of letting Jasper go. Don't ask me to explain... all i can say is that i can not stand his lack of sincerity anymore and i think that it is the time i call the whole thing off. Besides of feeling sad or dissapointed, i just felt pretty much relief in a way. No more burdens, no more worries and the best thing of all, i wouldn't have to waste my credit on him!!

Ah well, i had a memorable weekend. Went up to Penang with Zeck and Ayushna on Saturday and came back on Monday morning. Kel Li joined us on Sunday morning and boy, was she brave enough to hop on a bus all the way to Penang. I seriously admired her bravery. I wouldn't do that though cause i'm seriously too dependent on my friends when it comes to traveling.

Believe it or not, it was seriously my first time driving all the way up to Penang and getting lost at every turn. However, thank God that Narin was pretty much helpful and she directed me to Batu Ferringi. Was supposed to meet up with Toshio at one point but he was only allowed to meet up with me for an hour, i guess it wouldn't worth the time, so i guess we could only meet up next time. Hrmm... so what exactly did we do in Penang?

The main reason we went to Penang was because of Zeck's birthday which was last Sunday (27th of March). Thought of making something special as it was his 21st birthday. We ended up surprising him with a small little, cappucino ice-cream cake. Oh we so definately had fun when it comes to eating out at hawker stalls and spending time strolling on the beach. Not forgetting jet skiing... too bad Kel Li got to miss the fun on the first day but hey, it's cool cause we had fun just walking the night market in Batu Feringgi and eating at a hawker place near by. I'm so missing the RM2.50 Laksa and RM3.00 rojak by the road side.

Kel Li and Zeck spent the last night at my place. We shared our experience on coming close to supernatural stuff and got ourselves freaked out! We played around with the camera, posing and having *countless* shots and all. Man! it had been ages since i had so much fun. I never ever spent time with any of my school mates going for roadtrips or on vacation together. Well, just once with Carol and her parents. Went to Frasers Hill but did not have as much fun as the trip to Penang last weekend. I really hope that there are more chances to come where the 4 of us (Zeck, Ayushna, Kel Li and I) can go on a trip together again. Hopefully the next time, more people will be willing to join us and have a ball of a great time!

Suffering from leg injuries now. Well, all thanks to Aaron. Okay, i'm not suppose to blame him but what the hack, 1 hour of badminton and another hour and a half out on the tennis court, playing under the hot, afternoon sun! But hey, we pretty much had a great game. Was thinking of having a sports marathon soon, but i guess i got to wait for my right leg to recover.

Wishing i could have:
1. I want Jing Huai to be back on me birthday
2. I want Ryan Canbrera's 'True' mp3
3. I want to makan the RM2.50 Laksa once again!

Holidays... AGAIN!

“It is as near to you as your life, but you can never wholly know it”

A quote I came to love from the movie Sepet. Love - a word of true ambiguity. No one definition, but could only be defined by the one who sees love with his naked eye; to feel the feeling of love and to feel the feeling of being loved. It’s hard to maintain a relationship when one only knows the definition of love and never have the knowledge to express or to show how he felt.

I’m just sitting here again, crapping about what love means to me right now. I’m in a long distance relationship and I’m trying to focus on how I can learn independence through this period of time. I know that it is going to be tough and that I must be strong, somehow a part of me is worrying too much.

Yet again, my true nature showed today. I missed two classes, Organizational Behavior’s tutorial which I always think that it is a waste of time to even go to the lecture and the tutorial. I’ve also managed to skip Mobile Worlds’ tutorial which probably Miss Sheila wouldn’t notice as I’m not one of her favorites. Anyways, I seriously don’t know what I was up to the whole day today. My emotions were pretty unstable; at times, I could be super hyper and at the other I’m just finding myself and wish that I could be alone for the whole afternoon.

Love is nothing but a misery gainer. Well, most of you may disagree with me but I think that sometimes, I wish I could be single again. I know that I don’t have to wish for a day of single-hood once again, I could just break off with Jasper right now. However, a part of me has already been learning to love him even though he is 4 hours away from me. I made myself a promise once that when I am to start dating at the age of 20, I will then have him as my first and as my last. I want to make sure that this relationship with Jasper works out fine and that I wouldn’t have to worry so much once I get a chance to meet him during the weekends.

Oh yeah, the holidays are here again. Seriously am looking forward to the trip that I have organized for Zeck and Sang. Hopefully that Yasir, Rimla and Siong Meay would be able to come along. We will be leaving this Friday back to my hometown (Ipoh) and then on Saturday morning, we shall be leaving to Penang and will be there till Monday morning. I’m looking forward to be reunited with my family again, looking forward to see my dogs, looking forward to meeting Jeffery as he will be back for a week, and also looking forward to meeting my bf and also having a great time in Penang with Zeck and the rest of the gang.
Well, I think that it is too risky to have my thoughts entirely on how to have fun during this holiday. I need to start scheduling my study time as assignments are piling up and I wouldn’t want to have to procrastinate again this time. Not when I’m having all four difficult subjects this semester. How am I to juggle my assignments and also the fun that I hope I will get altogether? It will be a killer then.

Home by Michael Buble

Song Title: Home
Artist: Michael Buble

Another summer day has come and gone away
In Paris and Rome, but I want to go home
Maybe surrounded by a million people, I
Still feel all alone, just want to go home
Oh I miss you, you know

And I've been keeping all the letters that I wrote to you
They each were a line or two, I'm fine baby, how are you
I would send them but I know that it's just not enough
My words were cold and flat and you deserve more than that

Another airplane, another sunny place
I'm lucky, I know, but I want to go home
I got to go home
Let me go home
I'm just too far from where you are
I want to come home

And I feel just like I'm living someone else's life
It's like I just stepped outside when everything was going right
And I know just why you could not come along with me
That this was not your dream, but you always believed in me

Another winter day has come and gone away
In Paris and Rome, and I want to go home
Let me go home
And I'm surrounded by a million people, I
I still feel alone
Let me go home
Oh I miss you, you know
Let me go home
I've had my run, baby I'm done
I've got to go home
Let me go home
It will all be alright
I'll be home tonight
I'm coming back home

Sepet

I must agree with Kelly that Sepet is indeed a superb movie! How many of us ever give a thought for interracial marriages? I guess we couldn’t deny the fact that many of us are there to discriminate other races and not even giving a chance to peace and harmony within our own society. Societies these days are so diverse that sometimes personal identity are hardly known. Most of us are indulge in western living that we tend to forget about our own roots, our own mother-tongue, and our own culture or even give a thought on past traditions.

Sepet is not just another feel-good entertainment or another corny, sentimental romantic movie that couples should go to. If you are thinking of having a day off just watching clichés on screen and another entertaining film, then forget about watching Sepet. I am positively certain that the director of this film is trying to send out a message to Malaysians. Everyone of us Malaysians can never deny the fact that we are staying in a multicultural society where Indians, Malays and Chinese are the three main races we mix with. How do we achieve peace and harmony? Racial discriminations were always happening and are still today. Most of the time we have our eyes closed and we go on living our bias life. Why can’t people accept the fact that Indian or not, we are born of flesh and blood? Why can’t people accept the fact that Malay or not, we share the same public transport and we walk on the same grounds? Why can’t people accept the fact that Chinese or not, we are all just human beings created by God?

The reason why I rate Sepet as a ‘must watch’ film of this month is because of the lessons we can learn from this film. What I’ve learnt is that to achieve peace among a multicultural society, all we need to do is to understand the culture of certain races and that we understand their traditions as well as respect their way of living. Stop the stereotyping by saying that Malays are well-known for their laziness and that Chinese are well-known for their illegal doings. Everything has its pros and cons. I’m sure that most of us have our own weaknesses and our own expertise. I wouldn’t stand up to say that Chinese are the best among the rest as I can start writing a list of negative things about the Chinese community and before I do so, I’m sure some of you already know. What society lacks today are comprehension and understanding of diverse cultures. Not to mention, some of us went to the extent being westernized. Because of globalization, everything to us seemed to be off boundaries and we tend to forget our roots and are fallen into the hands of ‘revolutionizing’ our way of living. It’s never wrong to receive western education but it is wrong when one starts forgetting their roots.

Sharks, I’m still awake at 3.53am and worried sick about *whosoever that comes to mind*!!. Poor boy, he’s sick and I’m not there to take good care of him. I wish we were studying in the same state, never want him to be in the same Uni. though. Ah well, whoever is in a long-distance relationship, remember that what matters most is your love towards your ‘other half’. I can’t wait to meet up with him during the one week’s break.

I am suppose to lead worship this coming Wednesday’s cell group meeting and I am not sure which Praise and Worship song should I choose. God help me!!

Audio CDs bought in SS2’s night market:

1. Michael Buble : It’s Time
2. David Foster : The Best of Me
3. Whitney Huston : Just Best

Currently feeling:

Super down and almost at the edge of breaking down as *whosoever* is sick and there’s something wrong with his bloody phone that keeps him and me from SMSing each other.

Super disappointed as I won’t be able to go to Diana Krall’s concert with KC as the tickets are bloody expensive. Not to mention, I got to skip ‘Sound of Music’… nothing comes for free right?

Blur – I am suppose to study Organizational Behaviour and get the answers ready for tutorial 2 and what am I doing? Thinking about *whosoever* all day long. Was also suppose to prepare for Authorship and Writing so that I wouldn’t put on a blur and confused look when Dr. Andrew’s lecturing.

Jittering at the moment as I’m suppose to meet up with the cell leader to practice on leading worship at about 7 hours time and I have not even prepare the song. I am suppose to send a letter to my cell facilitator and guess what, I can’t do so if I haven’t even get the songs I want the cellies to sing!!

Vietnamese class on Saturday... so not excited... why?

Vietnamese classes will be starting tomorrow and why am i not excited? It has always been my cup of tea to learn something new, especially when it comes to learning a different language. Oh well, i guess it's because of the payment and wow!! RM95 for a month. Other cellies think that it's not a problem, but, i'm seriously running out of cash!!

Ah well, be gone with the complains... guess i'll stay for only a month in that vietnamese class. Uni life will start getting hectic all over again once i start drafting out my assignments (as if i'll do so!!)

Monday and Tuesday... down the drain!!

All of a sudden, i'm back to complaining about what life is really meant to be like. Oh well, just started my 2nd year, 2nd semester yesterday and i'm already complaining when there should be nothing to complain about. I'm running scared now as i know 'Authorship and Writing' will be the toughest subject that i need to handle this semester. I'm not liking the feeling of being pressured by heavy, boring and tough readings right now.

Met up with the whole bunch yesterday and today. The happiest moments were the time i get to hug each and everyone around me. Knowing that Yasir's back to Malaysia save and sound just fend off my worries in a double.

Audrey, if you think that Aussie's hot, we Malaysians back here in Malaysia need to put on with the heat. I seriously wish i could just wear shorts and a t-shirt to school, but i think that wouldn't be nice right?

Gosh, i have no time to write poems to publish on 'Poet Sanctuary'. I just missed the good chance of summiting my poems on 'Poetry Challenge' in the forum. I guess, better luck next time!!