The beginning of my holiday

Sad to say, I have not thought much about what to do this holidays and I guess that is the reason why I am stuck here, at home, doing absolutely nothing. I miss the fun times back in Monash where silly things are all we discuss about. Truly, I am pretty much waiting for this one month holiday to pass so that I can be back in Monash again. One month is just way too long. Why can’t they have like a week off or something where 2nd semester starts the next week?

The tree with the yellow flowers located just outside my window is not blossoming. I remember reading a novel while sitting near my window so that I could stare out every now and then just to look at that beautiful tree. However, what’s left seem so naked to the eye. How I wish it could bloom once again.

The most hurtful thing of all during holidays is that you can not look into the eyes of the one you truly love most. All you can do is just call to hear his voice, but not experiencing the emotions. Argh! It has only been 4 days and I couldn’t take the silence anymore! I wish to go back to KL now, but I got to be with my parents for the holidays as I have long gone from them. How I wish distance was never the factor, but I guess it is after all.

Hrm, nothing interesting which I can talk about here. Oh, anyways, what’s with all the grunting on court by tennis players? Maria Sharapova seems to be having the loudest grunt ever that made the umpire annoyed. Well, I don’t see it necessary myself for the grunting and other provoking noises while playing tennis. It may intimidate the opponent that’s for sure, but what Sharapova’s coach said actually surprised me… grunting is the way for a person to build up energy. I’m impressed by his statement because I never once think of that before.

I didn’t quite celebrate father’s day with my dad. I should have done something special. After all, he’s the one who brought me up and disciplined me fully till I am mature enough to be independent. Mom and dad went for the Engelbert concert in Genting Highlands which made me feel regretful now as I opted not to go with them. The man with the magnificent voice that sang ‘Quando, Quando, Quando’ and ‘Release Me’ in the olden days during my father’s childhood era. I’m glad that my mom went with my dad, I guess it is time for them to have a little quiet time away from the children. I wonder…

My dad is full of jokes at times which made him look a few years younger than his atual age. He's 50 now but still look young and healthy. Just love it when he says 'Sure, i'll get you BMW530i tomorrow, i just have to go to NIKKO to get it for you'. It just made me laugh whenever i joke with him about wanting to get a new, luxurious car for my birthday or any other occasions. Dad is likely to say what he always will say to me 'Sure, i'll get it for you'. He is just an amazing dad! However, i realized that deep down inside, my dad is a little dissapointed in me as i have not chosen to take Quantity Surveying as my desired ambition. Well, i just hope to prove to my dad that i can get a steady, lucrative job after i get my degree in Bachelor of Communications. Of course, experience will have to come first!

I drove back from KL at about 9.30am that Saturday and had a pretty knowledgable trip back to my hometown. My cousin kept on babbling about her life in Japan and the differentation of the culture here and there. It was pretty much an enjoyable talk by her and it just made me want to get to know more about the world's different culture. Sometimes, watching it on National Geographic or any other documentary channel will not give you the fill of those cultures, and yet of course, if we are to experience it by traveling, that would be great! I am waiting for the day to come where i can travel around the world just to learn how people live in every corner of the world.

It was pretty much a good thing to leave us kids at home. I am full of contradiction sometimes as i said it earlier that i should have gone to that concert! Of course we kids got to enjoy the evening without parents, and the night going crazy with the music on and the watching movies till late night. Well, i slept at about 2 am, as usual, but didn't know that mom and dad was back early the next morning. I didn't have the time to sneak out of the house for breakfast at my usual place. Sadest thing of all, Aaron is not back yet from TAR and i have no one to play tennis with. I am not sure where to go... Ipoh can be such a boring place, but face it, I'm so unwilling to drive out as my house is pretty much comfortable and i just spend my time sleeping.

What a start to the holidays...

Frustration Hits The Boiling Point

I'm pissed off right now. Seriously i am!

First of all, i was so looking forward to come back to Ipoh because of my dogs, and yeah, they are great and everything. Second of all, i would love to be online for longer hours so that i can spend more time chatting and visiting websites. However... DAMN!!!! I couldn't get onto msn messenger, i couldn't download Yahoo messenger and i am sick and tired of using ICQ which is a bore and i couldn't even check my hotmail as well as get into my Monash student portal. This is so f**ked up! Well, what i CAN do online is to do more posting on my blogpage which of course, i always run out of things to say.

What am i suppose to do back here then?

Well, i do have novels to help me pass my time, but i couldn't be reading the whole day. It's just not me. I don't want to go out because most of my friends from Ipoh are not back yet and they don't give a damn of calling me out anyways. Argh, all i can say is that i am so screwed up for this holiday. Lord, send an angel please! Immediately!

What is the use of having streamyx if you can't download music, go online and chat with your buddies from overseas and even check your mail!!! Argh!!

Myth or Truth?

REPORTER: Miranda Miller
BROADCAST DATE: May 24, 2005

If you believe olive oil is less fattening than butter, giving up smoking makes you gain weight and chewing gum is hard to digest, you may be in for a shock.

Some people will believe anything they are told about food if it might mean losing a few kilos. But it turns out there are more diet myths than facts. Nutrition expert Dr Tim Crowe of Deakin University said many food myths started as one person's crazy idea. We asked him to help sort food fact from food fiction.

Myth one: Starve yourself for instant slimmingStarving yourself is the worst possible thing you can do to lose weight.

What you lose is water and muscle, you can only do it for one or two days. In the end you will probably "pig out" after depriving yourself of so much food.

Myth two: Olive oil is less fattening than butter

When it comes to the heart, olive oil is the one to go for. But as far as fat goes, both have just the same amount. Both will put on the same amount of weight.

Myth three: "Reduced fat" means low in fat

The reduced fat product - even though it has less fat than the original product - is probably still high in fat and therefore high in calories.

Myth four: Giving up smoking makes you put on weight

A big myth. When people give up smoking, some lose weight, some gain weight, and some people stay the same. It is far better to be a non-smoker who is overweight than a smoker who is at a healthy weight. Where people fell down, Dr Crowe said, was when they reached for the comfort food to replace the cigarettes.

Myth five: alcohol is good for your health

Alcohol is only good for you in moderate amounts and only for people later on in life who are at risk of heart disease, Dr Crowe said.

Myth six: eating late at night makes you put on weight

What really matters is how much you eat over the whole day, not what you eat at night. If the food you eat at night is high in calories, on top of all the food you have been eating all day, you will put on weight. Otherwise the total quantity you eat matters more than when you eat it.But many still believe going to bed with a juicy steak in your tummy is a big no no, because meat is said to be hard to digest.

Myth seven: meat takes days to digest

Another big myth. Meat is fully digested just a couple of hours after we eat a meal. Fruit and vegetables take days to digest because of the beneficial fibre that's in them. Meat is not a problem.

Myth eight: frozen vegetables are not as good as fresh

Frozen veges are just as good for you, if not better, than the vegetables you buy from the supermarket. They are picked and processed within 24 hours on the farm, meaning the goodness is frozen into them. They are not wilting away on the supermarket shelf.

Myth nine: sugars in fruit juice are better than the sugar in soft drink

Sugar is sugar, no matter where it comes from, whether it's fruit juice or soft drink. Fruit juice is better because of all the vitamins and minerals it contains.

Myth ten: swallow chewing gum and it takes years to digest

While chewing gum can make you hungry by stimulating salivary glands, swallowing it will not keep your tummy busy for six years. Dr Crowe said this was just something parents told children to prevent them swallowing chewing gum. But like anything else, chewing gum is easily digested in our stomachs.

Things You Should Do When You Are Back In Your Hometown

1. Getting lost as you have never got lost before in your hometown.

2. Eat as much as you can even though it's just food you can get all over the world.

3. Make sure you pay your grandparents a visit and tell them that you miss them. Make sure you mean it when you say that.

4. Drive your parents up the wall when you have the time because you know you'll miss it once you head back to Uni.
5. Borrow as much money as you can from your parents and make sure you keep them in your savings account.

6. Blog till late night like there is no one's business. If you can, chat till your friend says 'i need to go to bed'.

7. If you have a pet, make sure to give them a great big 'bear' hug and show them, through actions, how much you've missed them.

8. Hog on to the phone. A little increase on phone bills won't hurt.

9. Get crazy whenever you have the time to. After all, it is where you were born and it won't hurt to get back a little feel of innocence from your childhood.

10. Last but not least, make sure you sleep till late morning where you don't have to do anything... anything at all... why? You're on holiday!!!

Just for a Laugh

Future NRIC Card

The multi-purpose FutureCard will be the version of our perpetually metamorphosing IC in the near future. With an embedded smart chip, it can also be used as a passport, store our medical history, driver's license, act as an ATM card, serve as an electronic purse and even be used at the National Library...what ever you do with the card...you will be tracked! It may also be a tracking device via GPRS (Good or Bad, depending the situation) However, a recent debate has brought to light the questionable control on access, potential information abuse and privacy infringement. As the debate rages on, I can foresee a likely scenario when ordering pizzas in the near future...

Ah Beng's FutureCard ( Likely Scenerio )

Operator: "Thank you for calling Pizza Hut Geylang. May I have your..."

Ah Beng: "Haloo, arh...can I orler huh..."

Operator: "Can I have your Future Card number first, Sir?"

Ah Beng: "It's arh..., hold on prease, arh..... S6102-0499-54610FC"

Operator: "OK... you're... Tan Ah Beng alias 'Or Kwee Tao' and you're calling from 17-D Lorong 14, Geylang. Your home number is 6782 8828, your office 6782 8838 and your mobile is 96828848. Which number are you calling from now Sir?

Ah Beng: "Home lah! Wah Lan...How you get all my phone lumbers, arh?"

Operator: "We are connected to the 'FutureCard' system Sir"

Ah Beng: "OK lah, okay lah...Can I orler your Seafood Pisar..."

Operator : "That's not a good idea Sir"

Ah Beng: "Why....Cannot arh?"

Operator: "According to your latest medical records, you have high blood pressure and even higher cholesterol level Sir"

Ah Beng: "What?...Wah Lan!....medical lecords also hab... you lecommend lah?"

Operator: "Try our Low Fat Hokkien Mee Pizza. You'll like it"

Ah Beng: "Wah...How you know I like Hokkien mee, arh?"

Operator: "You borrowed a book entitled "Popular Hokkien Dishes" from the National Library last week Sir"

Ah Beng: "OK...OK...Buay Ta Han... I give up... Gif me three family sized ones then, how much arh?

Operator: "That should be enough for your family of 10, Sir. The total is $45..."

Ah Beng: "I pay by FutureCard...Can or Not ?"

Operator: "I'm afraid you have to pay us cash, Sir. Your credit card is over the limit and you're owing your bank $6720.55- since October last year"

Ah Beng: "Ka Nee Nah!... Everything also know...chiat lat!"

Operator: "That's not including the late payment charges on yourhousing loan Sir.

Ah Beng: "Okay lah...I run to ATM and withdraw some cash before you come my house lor"

Operator : "You can't Sir. Based on the records, you've reached your daily limit on machine withdrawal today....with the latest withdrawal of $250 for 4D and TOTO at 2.46pm"

Ah Beng: "Never mind just send the pizzas, I borrow money from my AhMah. How long arh?"

Operator: "About 45 minutes Sir, but if you can't wait you can alwayscome and collect it on your motorcycle...it'll be ready in 15 mins and you are only 5 mins away"

Ah Beng: "Where got transport?"

Operator: "According to the details in your FutureCard", you own a Honda Scooter, ...registration number FE 3288..."

Ah Beng: "Ka Nee Nah!"

Operator : "Better watch your language Sir. Remember on 15th July 1987 you were convicted of using abusive language on a policeman... ?"

Ah Beng: [Speechless and calms down after being reminded of the brushwith the law]

Operator: "Is there anything else Sir?"

Ah Beng: "Nothing... by the way... still got stock of that 3 free bottles of cola as advertised or not?"

Operator: "We normally would Sir, but based on your records you're also diabetic....... "

Ah Beng: [Heard cursing away as he slams down the phone and telling his family he is going to the Hawker Centre to 'Tar Pow'

I've been TAGGED... AGAIN!!!!

Let's see, i'm tagged!!! By Claudia... yeah, i'm smelling you now alright hahahaha!!

The jist of this is to basically randomly select 5 occupations to complete the sentence:

If I could be a scientist
If I could be a farmer
If I could be a musician
If I could be a doctor
If I could be a painter
If I could be a gardener
If I could be a missionary
If I could be a chef
If I could be an architect
If I could be a linguist
If I could be a psychologist
If I could be a librarian
If I could be an athlete
If I could be a lawyer
If I could be an inn keeper
If I could be a professor
If I could be a writer
If I could be a llama rider
If I could be a bonnie pirate
If I could be a service member
If I could be a photographer
If I could be a philantrophist
If I could be a rap artist
If I could be a child actor
If I could be a secret agent
If I could be a comedian
If I could be a priest
If I could be a radio announcer
If I could be a phlebotomist
If I could be Paris Hilton's stylist
If I could be a movie producer
If I could be the CEO of Microsoft
If I could be an astronout
If I could be a world famous blogger
If I could be married to a current famous political leader
If I could be a dog trainer

If i could be a musician, i would want to be a professional pianist and compose songs which will inspire the world to be involved in classical music. If i could be a linguist, i would write my emotions on paper in different languages and have it published to the people i'm close to. If i could be an athlete, i'll run for the poorest country to raise fund for them. If i could be a photographer, i will have old couples to be my model as they have many memories to keep and tell (a picture speaks a thousand words). If i could be a movie producer, i would like to reproduce 'Titanic' and make it less romantic!!

Let's see, whom shall i tag this time? Counting... 1... 2... 3... hrmm, okie, sorry Debbie and Eva, you got tagged by me!! Sharks, i couldn't tag Claudia anymore.. hrmm... maybe next time... just you wait gurl!!

I've been TAGGED!!!!

Argh, when i just want to have a good night rest just so that i could be rejuvenated the next morning, I clumsily clicked on a link which linked me to Kel Li's blog. Unfortunately, i got TAGGED!!! (Kelz just robbed me of my sanity!!) Hehe, thanks Kel Li, you owe me... and yes, I am getting you for this... and just by teasing you is not enough! ngek ngek ngek ngek *LOL*

Ah well, here goes...

THREE NAMES YOU GO BY:
1. Yoke Yern
2. Yokie
3. Baby (hehe, well, noone calls me that besides of Zeck)

THREE SCREEN NAMES YOU HAVE HAD:
1. Yokie: Sufferings only lead to perfection
2. unwanted
3. Psyco: Norman Bates, Marion Crane and who else?

THREE THINGS THAT YOU DON'T LIKE ABOUT YOURSELF:
1. Sensitive
2. Having mood swings that seems to freak my boyfriend and everyone out
3. Being too nice to a person to find out that they never appreciated it.

THREE PARTS OF YOUR HERITAGE:
1. My dimpled smiles which are just so similar to my dad's
2. My highly admired *cough* complexion derived from my dad
3. My eyes - from dad

THREE THINGS THAT SCARE YOU:
1. To see my boyfriend being upset
2. Broken friendship that never can be mended
3. Being betrayed by my very own friends

THREE OF YOUR EVERYDAY ESSENTIALS:
1. Zeck
2. God
3. Money

THREE THINGS YOU ARE WEARING RIGHT NOW:
1. Bermuda shorts
2. T-Shirt
3. Hrmm... you and i know as every gurl wears them keke

THREE OF YOUR FAVOURITE BANDS OR MUSICAL ARTISTS:
1. Michael Buble
2. Air Supply
3. Richard Marx

THREE OF YOUR FAVOURITE SONGS:
1. Michael Buble-Home
2. Air Supply - Goodbye
3. Lionel Richie - Hello

THREE THINGS YOU WANT IN A RELATIONSHIP:
1. Compromise
2. Understanding
3. of course... Love

THREE PHYSICAL THINGS ABOUT THE OPPOSITE SEX THAT APPEAL TO YOU:
1. His gorgeous smile
2. Height
3. The fact that he looks great being bald (sorry if it offends you sweety, i just love touching your head... it has been an obsession to me lately *muakz*)

THREE OF YOUR FAVOURITE HOBBIES:
1. Chatting Online
2. Pool
3. Watching ESPN Live sports (Hockey, Tennis and somehow, football)

THREE THINGS YOU WANT TO DO REALLY BADLY RIGHT NOW:
1. Spending time with Zeck, which i have not been doing so lately
2. Hugging my dogs
3. Calling Jing Huai who is in Ireland now

THREE PEOPLE WHO HAVE TO TAKE THIS SURVEY NOW: (ITS A COMMAND!)
1. Claudia
2. Eddie
3. Fikri

Not Good Enough...

Another time of the night where my mind just fails to shut and have it put to rest. In stead of going to bed, i just woke up to write this poem which was in my mind for the longest time. Hrmm, guess another poem for me to send it to the PoetSanctuary. Enjoy...

Drenched by the lake with the rain still pouring,
On my shoulder was the burden that left me wondering,
Was it me or him whom made this mistake?
Until today, we still have problem searching,
For the right words to say at the correct timing.

It is sad to see that happiness was never with me,
Loneliness was a part of me from the very beginning.
I face the forest that was right in front of me,
I search through it just to find nothing.
Is life just like the forest that I’m looking at right now?
Or is it me who went to a deserted forest just to be caught in it?

Like snow that turns into dust in the middle of the night,
Crumbled papers that are only left in sight,
I search high and low just to find a single sign,
To help me understand what you truly want,
Tell me now, oh can you please?
I don’t want to be left in this misery.
Fighting for days has what been happening to me,
To find what’s wrong with us that affected my belonging.

Like the water in need to obey the fishes,
Directing them right to the nearby rivers,
I was pushed over the edges,
Hanging by a thread that will break in a moment,
Nothing to hold on to, as I felt vulnerable,
I ought to know the pain I am feeling inside,
I couldn’t stand a chance to hear my own cries.
Was it just me or was it you in the centre of this crime?
Whatever it is, I needed to deal with it now.

Like a sword piercing through my stomach,
The words piercing through my very heart,
When can my heartache ever be cured?
The times you walk pass with guilt pictured in your very eyes,
The times you cried just because I am at fault,
Is now the time to tell me what you truly want?
Or do you want to see me cry even harder each time?
Tell me now, don’t make me lost in my own insanity,
I need to know to make sure I’m really the one for you to hold.

Appreciation

“Once a close friend is lost, there will never be a day happier than the countless days when she/he is still around”

Sometimes, you just want so badly to help the closest people around you so that they could be happy. However, when there are times, you really need them to show a little appreciation by helping you out, all you have face is disappointment and unappreciated. I’m not pointing fingers here in my blog, and I wouldn’t want to say that this entry of mine is directed to anyone in particular.

Appreciation is just a word that had never been manifested in the minds of people. No matter how hard you try to appreciate what people has done for you, and when its not at all perfect, we’ll just grumble, sulk and complain about his doing. Why can’t we just show a little appreciation? When the time comes, a person need your help so badly, you’ll, hopefully, try your very best to perfect what he wants. Again, in return, there wasn’t much appreciation shown.

I am born in a family where appreciation speaks louder than any ethical word you can find in the dictionary. My dad always thought me that when a person gives you something, show your gratitude by helping the person when he or she needs you one day. Proud to say that, I did learn from my dad and I try my very best to help a person when he or she is in trouble. However, besides of the gratitude I should show to the person I help, my dad also thought me that never ask anything back from the person whom lend you a helping hand. If you really do need help, make sure you show some respect and gratitude to the person who helps you. Fair enough, when I expect someone to show some appreciation, I’m sure they would want my appreciation in return. However, it is rather easier said than done.

Think about it, how many of us actually showed true appreciation when someone has done something for us? It’s more like, throughout the process, we learn to use them in any way we can. For example, a use-to-be good friend of mine (my neighbour) who I use to hang out with does not know what I’ve done for her all throughout the years of our friendship. I remember the day when I’ve got my driving license and it was also the right time for her to take me for granted. There was once, she came to my house to ask me whether we could go out together since she wanted to test my driving skills. Me, I didn’t know what her true intentions were, so I just decided on the spot to take her for a drive. So we went all the way to Jusco, and when we were in Jusco, everything started making sense to me. The reason why she wants me to drive her around was so that she could meet up with some friends in Jusco’s arcade, and besides of introducing her friends to me, she ditched me and said ‘thanks for the ride. Is it okay if you wait till I want to go home?’ Can you beat that? Oh as if I’m the “divine” angel sent from heaven to be her messenger for every situation, I just got so mad and went off in my car. Ah well, if you ever think she learnt a lesson, think again. She came back the very next day to try persuading me to fetch her to tuition class. I just told her to forget about it! Oh, want to know what’s the worst thing? She asked my mom for favours, yep, and that is to fetch her around. Honestly, among all my friends, she’s the one with guts.

I would not stand at a podium to announce my innocence as I know, at times, consciously or unconsciously, I tend to learn how to take a person for granted. Sometimes, it just gives you a happy feeling that your troubles will be lessen once your friend who always show his or her kindness will be there to help you. So, besides of feeling bad that she or he always needs to do favours for me, I enjoy asking for more favours to be done. It just came naturally to mind. By the time I found out that it’s too late, well, I just loose a friend who is so kind and dear to me once, and because of this, I have to suffer ignorance. From then on, I learnt my lesson, whenever a person does favours for you, always return the favour by helping that person out whether or not he or she ask you to. It is only fair to both parties.

Once someone dear to you is gone, do not even think of regret, it’s your fault that he or she is gone and there is nothing left you can do about it. So, if you think you are asking too much favours from a friend, make sure you show appreciation by thanking him or her in ways that shows your deepest gratitude.

A Mother's Love Knows No Boundaries

Our mother is the one whom brought us into the world and without her, we will not have 'yesterday', 'today' and 'tomorrow'. Make use of the days to fulfill your mother's vision and not dissapoint her in anyways as she loves us and want us to have the best. For you people who gets angry easily at your parents, just think, if it was not for them, you would have ended up in the streets or you would not even have the chance to be born into this world and have what you have now. So, whatever it is, remember that a scolding or a punishment always mean that they want you to learn from your mistakes and never dwell in it.

A story i came across on the bulletine board on Friendster which was forwarded by Sze Mun. I really hope that after you guys read this, just think about the guilt that you'd caused yourself by dissapointing and angered your parents when all they are up to is for a better future in you. So, be the eyes, the legs, the hands, the mind, and a filial son or daughter to your parents!
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My mom had only one eye.

I hated her... she was such an embarressment.

My mom ran a small shop at a flea market. She collected little weeds and such to sell, anything for the money we needed. She was such an embarressment.

There was this one day during elementary school, it was field day, and my mom came. I was so embarressed. How could she do this to me? I threw her a hateful look and ran out.

The next day at school...

"Your mom only has one eye?!?!", they taunted me. I wished that my mom would just dissappear from this world so i said to my mom, "mom.. why dont you have the other eye?! If you're only gonna make me a laughing stock, why dont you just die?!!!"

My mom did not respond.. I guess I felt a little bad, but at the same time, it felt good to think that i had said what i'd wanted to say all this time.. maybe it was because my mom hadn't punished me, but I didnt think that I had hurt her feelings very badly.

That night... i woke up, and went to the kitchen to get a glass of water. My mom was crying there, so quietly, as if she was afraid that she might wake me. I took a look at her, then turned away. Because of the thing i had said to here arlier, there was something pinching me in at corner of my heart. Even so, i hated my mother who was crying out of her one eye. So i told myself that i would grow up and become successful because i hated my one-eyed mom and our desperate poverty.

I studied real hard. I left mymother and came to Seoul and studied, and got accepted in the Seoul University with all the confidence i had. Then, i got married. I bought ahouse of my own. I had kids too. Now i'm living happily as a successful man. I like it here because it's a place that doesn't remind me of my mom. This happiness was getting bigger and bigger, when..

What?! Who's this?!

It was mymother, still with her one eye. It felt as if the whole sky was falling down on me. My little girl ran away, scared of my mom's eye. And i asked her,

"Who are you?!" "I dont know you!!!"

As if trying to make that real. I screamed at her," how dare you come to my house and scare my daughter!""GET OUT OF HERE! NOW!!!" and to this, my mother quietly answered, "Oh, i'm so sorry. I may have gotten the wrong address," and she dissappeared out of sight. Thank good ness that she doesnt recognize me. I was quite relieved. I told myself that i wasnt going to care, or think about this for the rest of my life. Then a wave of relief came upon me...

One day, a letter regarding a school reunion was sent to my house. So, lying to my wife that i was going on a business trip, i went. after the reunion, i went down to the old shack, that i used to call a house, just out of curiosity. There, I found my mother fallen on the cold ground. But i did not shed a single tear. She had a piece of paper in her hand....

It was a letter to me. My son... i think my life has been long enough now and I won't visit Seoul anymore, but would it be too much to ask if i wanted you to come visit me once in a while? I miss you so much and i was so glad when i heard you were coming for the reunion. But i decided not to go to the school for you and i'm sorry that i only have one eye, and i was an embarressment for you. You see, when you were very little, you got into an accident, and lost your eye. As a mom, i couldn't stand watching you having to grow up with only one eye... so i gave you mine... i was so proud of my son as he could see a whole new world for me, in my place, with that eye. I was never upset at you for anything you did. The couple of times that you were angry with me, I thought to myself...

'It's because he loves me..'

My son... oh, my son... i dont want you to cry for me, because of my death. Please dont cry.... my son, i love you so much.

Psycho - Websites

Hey there...

I guess everyone's emotions are blending into the exam period whether you like it or not. Anywayz, to help you understand Psycho (the movie) better, here are the websites you can take a look. Hopefully it helps.

Website 1: http://www.brightlightsfilm.com/28/psycho1.html
Website 2: http://www.brightlightsfilm.com/28/psycho2.html
Website 3: http://www.brightlightsfilm.com/28/psycho3.html

To people who wants to have a better understanding on the Fort/Da theory of psychoanalysis, do visit Debbie's blog at http://lifeofdarkie.blogspot.com

All the best to everyone!!

Ego, Id and Superego

I hope this will be useful, to all COM2407 peeps, to let you have an understanding on what id, ego and superego is all about.

This is taken (cut and paste) from a website.

The id represents biological forces. It is also a constant in the personality as it is always present. The id is governed by the "pleasure principle", or the notion of hedonism (the seeking of pleasure). Early in the development of his theory Freud saw sexual energy only, or the libido, or the life instinct, as the only source of energy for the id. It was this notion that gave rise to the popular conception that psychoanalysis was all about sex, sex, sex. After the carnage of World War I, however, Freud felt it necessary to add another instinct, or source of energy, to the id. So, he proposed thanatos, the death instinct. Thanatos accounts for the instinctual violent urges of humankind. Obviously, the rest of the personality would have somehow to deal with these two instincts. Notice how Hollywood has capitalized on the id. Box office success is highly correlated with movies that stress either sex, violence, or both.

The ego is the surface of the personality, the part you show the world. The ego is governed by the "reality principle", or a pragmatic approach to the world. For example, a child may want to snitch a cookie from the kitchen, but will not if a parent is present. Id desires are still present, but the ego realizes the consequences of brazen cookie theft. The ego develops with experience, and accounts for developmental differences in behavior. For example, parents expect 3-month infants to cry until fed, but, they also expect 3-year-olds to stop crying when told they will be fed.

The superego consists of two parts, the conscience and the ego-ideal. The conscience is the familiar metaphor of angel and devil on each shoulder. The conscience decides what course of action one should take. The ego-ideal is an idealized view of one's self. Comparisons are made between the ego-ideal and one's actual behavior. Both parts of the super-ego develop with experience with others, or via social interactions. According to Freud, a strong super-ego serves to inhibit the biological instincts of the id, while a weak super-ego gives in to the id's urgings. Further, the levels of guilt in the two cases above will be high and low, respectively.

Hrmm... well, i hope this do help.

Sufferings only lead to Perfection

I'm not sure to what extent do you agree with my statement. Everyday of the year, people suffer persecution, abuse, harrasments, and even emotional unstability. The sufferings only add up to eternal unhappiness and agony. However, to us Christians, we need to know that sufferings only lead to perfection. How? Of course, through the seconds, minutes, hours, days, weeks, months and even years of suffering, we learn to grow wiser and much more faithful in God. We learn to seek God in terms of the sufferings we are cast into and we learn to understand the purpose of life through sufferings and also the will of God. Most importantly, we learn how to achieve the will of God through sufferings and it only sums up to perfection and justification in the eyes of the Lord.

Let's see it in a 'down to earth' manner. We suffer almost everyday in life. Sufferings come in any corner we turn to, in any places we step foot on and by meeting people and learning how to live with them. However, what we do not know is that, we suffer and the more we do, the more we learn. We do not just learn from the mistakes we make, but we learn from the agony gain in difficulties and obstacles we face. At the end of the day, we learn how to cope with these difficulties and it only contributes to perfection.

Ah well, noone in this world is perfect. No one, but still, there are so-called 'perfect' situation and 'perfect' handling. It only leads us to understand how well we deal with our problems and how far we can go to find solutions to it. And when the time comes, you'll be a guru for handling your own problems.

I learn well from pastor Neil Patterson today during church when he speaks of wisdom, truth, knowledge and sufferings. I pretty much agree wholly to his statement on 'Sufferings only lead to Perfection'. As i drove down to Sunway to meet up with Zeck, my mind was recalling on the sermon that Patterson gave and somehow, i learnt a lesson which i should have learnt ages ago, and that is... look to the Lord everyday for a better plan tomorrow. To me, it just means that, sufferings only make me understand how important it is to live life searching for solutions with the aiding of the Lord's supervision. By prayer only can i know what God has planned for me.

Worst Driver Ever Met on the Road

Worst drivers ever met:

1. Truck drivers who think they own the whole BLOODY road. Taking on two lanes at a time and never ever having their break lights checked before starting their journey.

2. Lame drivers. Pint-pointing at drivers who drives real slowly, and i mean DAMN SLOWLY, well, let's see, about 30-50 km/h. It's never a dangerous ride of your life when you go at a speed of 60-100km/h.

3. Season drivers. Wow, these drivers think of themselves as F1 drivers who are racing for the finish line... or should i say, completing their last lap of the day. Come on people, havent you heard of BETTER SAFE THAN SORRY!!

4. People who does not show determination on which lane they want to be. Let's see, when you are tailing behind them, suddenly, they have their signal to the left... you waited for about 30 seconds and if they dont cut in, you just carry on to over take him... but then, the bugger just swayed his car at your direction... YES INDEED, he want's to get on the LEFT lane. So, no choice, you are left with no choice but to HONK that fella! Well, later on, you found yourself staring at a face of a mad man, or just out of 'unfailing kindness', you just got shown the third finger... HOW *cough* SWEET *full with sarcasm*

5. Drivers in fancy, luxurious cars who doesn't even know how to handle their automobile. Come on people, why get a BMW, Volvo, Peugeot, Rexton or any other luxurious car when you dont even know how to drive and handle them? Worst still, taking up two lanes when you have your signal which is signaling to the right or to the left... MAKE UP YOUR MIND PEOPLE ON WHERE YOU'RE HEADING!!!

6. Bus drivers who has no brains. Yo! Your bus is much bigger than a car... so... GIVE US A BREAK!!!

7. Motorcyclist. So what if you are vulnarable on the road... haven't you heard of safety handling? If you don't know how to ride a motorbike, than stop riding it on the road. Because of them, it makes it tougher for drivers to signal their car to the left or to the right when each time they do, a motorcycle will start passing by. Motorcyclist are suppose to be at the side of the road, and not in front of cars. Yet again, IT AINT YOUR GRANDFATHER'S ROAD ... MIND YOU!

8. Drivers who jumps queue without even knowing the beauty of having the courtesy of giving a signal. Well, from my own point of view as well as judging from experience, the reason why accidents happened aint because of fast drivers but its because of people who doesn't even know where they are heading... and when they do, suddenly they will just cut in without even signaling their direction. WHAT ARE CAR SIGNALS FOR PEOPLE!!!! Queue jumpers are just sick, havent they any sense that jumping queue is seriously rude... ESPECIALLY BIG TRUCKS AND BUSES!!

9. Taxi drivers. Yo, if you want to pick up customers, could you please not park your damn car in the middle of the road as if you own the road. Do have the courtesy to just park at the side of the road while waiting for customers. Again, IT'S NOT YOUR GRANDFATHER'S ROAD. If it is... then... PROVE IT!!

Hrmm, i guess that's all for now... will update more if i ever come across other 'worst drivers on the road'! Enjoy!

A Shout Out

Hey... Michael Buble's 'Home' should be my 'most listened' song of the year... the title has been taken!!... so... why the hack are there still people listening to it more than i do!!!!

I should 'BLOODY' study already!!

Now, after all has been done (assignments, quizes and INT2050 exams), i'm still down with the last INT2050 major assignment and also my final exams. However, what's stopping me from studying is my own being too over confidence. Not as if i have done well from the starting of the semester till now, it's more like i've been kicking back now and then and whenever i thought i could have done better, there are so many things i have not come close to achieve yet.

Ha! Indeed, it's life of a University student when there are times you just sit and kick back and then, the next moment, you'll just start wondering - what the hack am i suppose to do again? Yes, study! Exams are like - what!- in one weeks time. It's just around the corner, and hey, i'm being all stressed up about it, but i'm not even doing a single, damn thing! Confidence - i kept on chanting that word. It should be a taboo word by now! Some may think it's the best thing a person can have... just by being confident and nothing will be able to distract you. Ah! Think again... once i get my question paper on the day of the exam itself, i'll start screaming (in hight pitch) the word of regret and sigh with frustration.

As i sit and read through the work of Modleski, T. on 'Hitchcock, Feminism, and the Patriachal Unconcious', i did try hard to understand every single word of the text. Hey, ever come across a time where you try focusing on something, but your mind just, suddenly, wondered to another thing. Ah well, i guess we are on the same boat then if you always do what i do. I am, pretty much, going to give up on reading the whole text and just focus on the parts where Dr. Andrew pointed out. But, yet again, it's just not enough. Why do i find it so difficult when everyone thinks that it's just... well... should i say... easy?

Grumble, grumble, grumble...

I Wish...

~I wish that the word 'goodbye' never exsited!~

Ballerina

There was a girl sitting at a coffee table at a corner of the café where I am working in the yester night.

As I served her coffee, I saw that she was attentively scribbling endlessly on a piece of crumbled paper that she had in front of her.

Burning with curiosity to know what she’s writing, for a second, I was tempted to just sneak behind her back to take a stealthy look into her writing. On the other hand, I feel guilty for doing so as I know it is wrong to interfere in another’s affair, especially when I’m doing it surreptitiously.

As I served the last customer of the night, all of a sudden, a young gentleman came walking through the entrance of the café. He signaled the lady who was engaged in her writing a while ago, but at that very moment, she was just relaxing in her place while taking a last sip of her coffee.

At the corner of my eyes, she stood up, lightly laid a five dollar note on the coffee table and exited through out the door of the café. She was gone with the young gentleman and never returned.

“My Life as a Ballerina” was the title of her masterpiece that she was working so hard on. Why did she leave it here on the table? I wanted to run after her to return her writing but she was out of sight.

Should I read it or should I not?

Read it! A voice screamed in my mind.

I did, and I read. Being thankful that the day had come to an end and customers were leaving the café to head to their next destination.

I sat at the place where the lady was sitting awhile ago. A coffee in my hand and the letter was held up at eye level as I scanned through her ‘life’ which was narrated in the piece of paper.

She was just nine when she started dancing. She was crowned ‘Princess of Ballet’ at the age of 17 and from then on her career started and ended at the age of 23. She wanted so much to continue pursuing her dreams as a dancer but she was facing a fearful dilemma at that very point of time which stood as a barrier between her dreams and her life.

She fell in love with her dance instructor who was 12 years older than she was. All this while, she was hiding her feelings away from him without even building the courage to tell him how much he meant to her. That was her first mistake in life which she made, and now that he has gone, she was regretting so much that it hurts. She was afraid to go to bed at night because each night, as she closes her eyes, she will see her instructor dancing in the pale moonlight and that sight will never fade away. It just kept lingering in her dreams.

After he was pronounced dead on the night of her performance, she knew that bits and pieces of her life were just slowly tumbling down before her eyes. After 2 years of living in agony, a different story began in her life when a new instructor came to guide her in dancing. He was not only a mentor to her, but also her dance partner.

This time it wasn’t her who fell in love, but it was him who has deep affection for her.

His feelings were guarded by the fact that he is a married man to a beautiful wife and three children. However, each time when they dance, his love was shown through body language and the way he held her.

He reminds me of him! And I don’t want to fall for someone who is married to a lovely woman…

Unconsciously, she was too falling inlove with her new instructor. Only time could tell whether they were meant for each other, but, the very fact that he is married disturbed her deeply.

On the day of the competition, she was reluctant to participate all of a sudden. Hesitating to walk out the door of her apartment, she sat infront of the mirror and asked herself over and over again, “what if I don’t attend, will he ever understand?”

I don’t want him to feel rejected; I just want him to understand what true happiness means when it’s just right before his very eyes. I don’t want him to make a mistake where both of us will regret at the end.

She knew that if she went on dancing with him, it may lead to misery and that she will be the one to be blamed.

She cried, not wanting to loose the chance of seeing him for the very last time, she knew she had a choice to make. At the end, she chose to dance the very last dance.

It was the most wondrous night she had ever experienced. As the song “And When She Dance” by David Foster & Marilyn Martin started playing, they just glided onto the dance floor. They danced gracefully into the night. They were brought into the limelight. At that very moment, she knew very well that she will be leaving the dance floor with memories which will be of burden to her at the end of her performance. She didn’t pay much attention to what will be happening next after the night is over, but, she just wanted so much to enjoy what is now and will be gone at the very moment the music stops.

Mixed feelings of anxiety and joy were what I felt that night, but now, they are just a burdened memory kept in my heart. From today on, as I lay my pen at rest, I will never want to remember these sweet memories ever again. I must learn to let go and carry on with life which I know that I will find meaning to live for once again. Whomever who is reading this right now, do keep it a secret and never share what is felt by ‘you’ to the people around you. Thank you for serving my vision.

It ended so abruptly. I wanted to know more; to know what happened next in her life after she stopped her career as a ballerina. Who was the gentleman she left with that day? I smiled to myself, knowing that she had lay down her burdened memories on this little piece of crumbled paper and carried on with life.

-----------------

Listening to a song titled 'And When She Dance' by David Foster & Marilyn Martin

Song: And When She Dance
Artist(s): David Foster & Marilyn Martin

Can you go back in time to a place in your mind
To the one who knew a part of you
That you just couldn't find.

If you ask me to choose between a memory or two
When it's said and done
I'll take the one who's love I had to lose.

Cause when she danced
I lost my inner sense
I loved her then, I always would.

She left with me
It's still with me
A burnin' memory

She took with her a part of me
If I could get back where I've been
Feel the passion I felt then

I'd be there right now and yet somehow
It never comes again

She had nothin' to gain
No where to go
To the way out of pain
The time with
With a song and dance she lost romance
The world had gone insane

Cause when she danced
Cause when we danced
I lost my inner sense
I loved her then
I loved
I always will
I always will
She left with me
He left with me
A burnin' memory
Remember somehow

She took with her a part of me
Can you go back in time to a place in your mind
To the one who knew a part of you
That you just couldn't find

Lookin' back I'm not sure
If I won or lost the war
When she danced with me
Our hearts were free as far as I could see

I'd be there right now and yet somehow
It never comes again
When she danced with me
Our hearts were free
Were free
As far as I could see

The Arms of Unforgiving

Blood dripping into the fire of madness,
Countless hours I strive to attain chances.
You heard none of my cries when I’m in trouble,
Instead you said goodbye in the year after the other.

Petals of roses lying still on my bed,
The ones you gave on Valentine’s day.
Piercing my heart was your angered message,
That runs through my veins and up to my head.

I lost my sense of belonging in the world today,
Nothing will ever be the same again.
Again I pray for tomorrow’s forgiveness,
In hoping today’s sin will be forgotten.

Stormy weathers may never scare me,
Not even the wolf of the night which comes hunting.
Torn flesh kept in a jar,
Do you know what I’m saying?
Indeed forgotten were the words out from him.

Lie awake naked on soft land,
Greeting the dark with a touch of your hand.
Close your eyes, never see the day light again,
Breath in air, tomorrow will be too late.

Dreams speak meanings one may never comprehend.
Never ask as it never will come to an end.
Do you see a man standing there waving?
That’s Death greeting you with the arms of the unforgiving.

Goodbye 2

This poem somehow just formed in my mind when I was thinking hard on how to tackle my Public Relations Theory and Process (PRL2003) assignment and I just open up a new document on Microsoft Word and started ‘spilling’ it out. So, here goes:

None of your embrace I deserve,
Not in your arms I want to spend time in,
Not the love I need from you now,
But the coldness that reminds me of goodbye.

Sometimes, for certain, I want you here,
But now, I want you far.
Don’t ask me why as I don’t even know,
Your picture is what’s left standing on my shelf.

You said you love me but you don’t know the true me,
You said you miss me without knowing where I’ve been,
You said you need me without knowing what you want,
Stop saying you adore me without knowing who I am.

I need your kindness,
Too late… it’s not taken.
You gave your sympathy,
Which I regret receiving.

On the crossroads once again,
Your pathetic life flashes before my eyes.
You ask why,
I need not say much,
Just a cry of goodbye.

Dimensions of My Life

I never want to fall asleep tonight.

After the dream I had in the afternoon still lingers in my mind.

I’m feeling drowsy, but yet, I force myself to not close my eyes. I don’t want to see the horrendous side of things again. I may not experience it in reality… yet (I won’t be gambling with the word ‘fate’), but in my dreams, things seemed so real and if as if I’m physically being there. Transformation of place in an instance has been experienced, emotions well felt, and the object seems so real… the mansion, the bed, the room and even people walking and talking in my dreams.

What the heck, I am supposed to be done with the preparation for Dr. Jaga’s presentation tomorrow. I have a choice of deferring it to next Friday or present it tomorrow. Well, what I thought of is that I should finish my preparation today and not present it tomorrow but present it next Friday. Ah well, it’s just another lazy me speaking and is as if I have a choice of not being lazy. Well, I do, but not at this point of time when I’m still on ‘honeymoon’… a week without assignments. Not just yet, I have two assignments due on the 9th of May, but somehow, a part of me thinks that confidence speaks it all. However, what forms in my mind is that without knowing what a person is supposed to do, how can confidence come along?

I don’t want to sleep tonight… I’m just being paranoid of things… of things which are about to happen, which are already happening, and which already happened in life. I’m afraid of history reread… rewriting itself in my life… refocusing on what I least expected it to. We are expected to learn from our past history, but why am I being paranoid when I should face it with full optimism and confidence? Does the word ‘paranoia’ occurs for now and goes away when the tomorrow comes? How will it ever go away once the feeling of being paranoid has already blended into my everyday life? Not like I can stop myself from being paranoid. Maybe I can or maybe I should and that if I would, what makes me?

Again, illogical thoughts for the night… at the end of the day, I do hope I’m not suffering from schizophrenia… somebody shoot me!!

To The One I Love Most Now...

In a quiet room one night,
I sat and just wonder,
Things had happened all so well,
But there are still thoughts left to ponder.

I know no sorrows for the weeks experienced,
I know no fear to what is to come the day after.
I come to see truth in the eyes of my beloved,
The surreptitious look from him has somehow evanesced.

Be gone were the days of loneliess,
Sitting up in the room dreaming endlessness,
Fell in with times of emptiness,
Known as unread history but blossomed into prettiness.

Shall i dance to the "cadence" of love?
Or stay in a corner with lingering darkness?
I may think of fulfilling my dersires...
Of longing to be in the arms of my beloved.

To sit and stare in the eyes of endless gorgeousness,
To touch his lips where a kiss can taste...
The sweetness of life and the joy that came within,
With a heart of pure authenticity,
That is what known to be deep down in him.

Through the hours of anger,
I saw a smile.
Through times of need of encouragement,
A hug came to existance.
And when times i need someone to speak to,
An ear listened,
And voices of advice heard in an instance.

How much i love him?
Never ask.
I know not,
As words can never describe the deepness.
Words can never describe my feelings,
And words can definately never describe a wholeness of love.

Goodbye...

I was just sitting infront of the computer screen, thinking of what am i to write... suddenly, i was just inspired to write a 'goodbye' poem. It does not mean any particular heart feelings for anyone, so once you read it, don't think that i'm in going through a time of depression, is just something that happened around me that inspires me to write this poem.

My past led me back to the cross-roads where we met,

Yesterday was another dream kept in my heart,

The truth hurts but too bad it stays that way,

When tomorrow comes,

Nothing could ever be the same again.

What's yours was once mine,

What made you happy just made me smile,

I wept for the days we stayed apart,

Not knowing how we felt for one another,

Until today.

Time passes fast without a single memory,

A chance together only last a moment,

As i fight through stormy weather just to be,

An independent person without you being here with me.

Hurtful words piercing through my heart,

Undying love that i've shown was never good enough,

Commitment seemed so far away,

Away from providing happiness to your everyday.

Do u remember the time i cried when you said goodbye?

The last time we held without saying a word.

Could you tell whether time was on our side?

As it faded through the night...

Goodbye is so difficult but it came once again in sight.

Clever Malaysians?

The objective of STPM is to pass people?
How do you explain the fact that 87% of the students passed the examinations of the Sijil Tinggi Persekolahan Malaysia (STPM) recently?
When during your grandfather's time only 10% would have passed?

Are students getting smarter? Or are STPM questions getting easier?

Let me put things in their proper perspective.

During your grandfather's time, they would ask exam questions like:

In what year did Parameswara founded the kingdom of Melaka?

The correct answer was "1402", and they found that only 10% of the students managed to answer the question correctly. This didn't go down too well with the authorities, because the objective of the exams was to pass people.

I mean, what's the point of having exams if people fail?

So later, they found another way to ask the same question:

Parameswara founded the kingdom of Melaka in the year:
(a) 2001
(b) 2004
(c) 1986
(d) 1975
(e) 1402
Tick the correct answer.

The results were better in that 20% of the students passed. But it was still not good enough, so the authorities tried a different tact a few years later.

Parameswara founded the kingdom of Melaka in the year1402. True or false?

Well, half of the students guessed "True" and the other half guessed "False". Fully 50% passed. The results were getting pretty acceptable by now.

Most other countries would be satisfied with a 50% passing rate, but not us. We are a better country, because we are a boleh country.The authorities then cracked their heads and then came out with this one:

Read the following sentence carefully.
"Parameswara, the cousin of Proton-Iswara, founded the kingdom of Melaka in the year 1402."
Underline the name of the person who founded Melaka.

60% underlined "Parameswara", 30% underlined "Proton-Iswara" and 10% underlined "1402". Hooiyoh......60% managed to pass! So krever!

But for some reason, the authorities were still not contented.
So last year, they came out with this gem:

One day in the year 1402, Parameswara founded the kingdom of Melaka. Then he went home to have dinner. What did he eat?

13% handed in blank answers, 57% wrote "Maggi Mee", and 10% wrote "Kentucky Fried Chicken", and 20% wrote "Tree bark".
The official answer was "Food" of course!
After the marking was over, it was found that 87% of the students had passed.
87%............now that's pretty impressive!

So it's true. The students are indeed getting smarter.

Focus on verse 26

This is the biblical parable of Lot's wife... The King James Bible, Chapter 19, versus 1 - 26

1 And there came two angels to Sodom at even; and Lot sat in the gate of Sodom: and Lot seeing them rose up to meet them; and he bowed himself with his face toward the ground.

2 And he said, Behold now, my lords, turn in, I pray you, into your servant's house, and tarry all night, and wash your feet, and ye shall rise up early, and go on your ways. And they said, Nay; but we will abide in the street all night.

3 And he pressed upon them greatly; and they turned in unto him, and entered into his house; and he made them a feast, and did bake unleavened bread, and they did eat.

4 But before they lay down, the men of the city, even the men of Sodom, compassed the house round, old and young, all the people from every quarter:

5 And they called unto Lot, and said unto him, Where are the men which came in to thee this night? bring them out unto us, that we may know them.

6 And Lot went out at the door unto them, and shut the door after him.

7 And said, i pray you, brethren, do not so wickedly.

8 Behold now, i have two daughters which have not known man; let me, i pray you, bring them out unto you, and do ye to them as is good in your eyes: only unto these men do nothing; for therefore came they under the shadow of my rood.

9 And they said, Stand back. And they said again, This one fellow came in to sojourn, and he will needs be a judge: now will we deal worse with thee, than with them. And they pressed sore upon the man, even Lot, and came near to break the door.

10 But the men put forth their hand, and pulled Lot into the house to them, and shut to the door.

11 And they smote the men that were at the door of the house with blindness, both small and great: so they wearied themselves to find the door.

12 And the men said unto Lot, Hast thou here any besides? son in law, and thy sons, and thy daughthers, and whatsoever thou hast in the city, bring them out of this place:

13 For we will destroy this place, because the cry of them is waxen great before the face of the LORD; and the LORD hath sent us to destroy it.

14 And Lot went out, and spake unto his sons in law, which married his daughters, and said, Up, get you out of this place; for the LORD will destroy this city. But he seemed as one that mocked unto his sons in law.

15 And when the morning arose, then the angels hastened Lot, saying, Arise, take thy wife, and thy two daugthers, which are here; lest thou be consumed in the iniquity of the city.

16 And while he lingered, the men laid hold upon his hand, and upon the hand of his wife, and upon the hand of his two daughters; the LORD being merciful unto him: and they brought him forth, and set him without the city.

17 And it came to pass, when they had brough them forth abroad, that he said, Escape for thy life; look not behind thee, neither stay thou in all the plain; escape to the mountain, lest thou be consumed.

18 And Lot said unto them, Oh, not so, my Lord:

19 Behold now, thy servant hath found grace in thy sight, and thou hast magnified thy mercy, which thou hast shewed unto me in saving my life; and i cannot escape to the mountain, lest some evil take me, and i die:

20 Behold now, this city is near to flee unto, and it is little one: Oh, let me escape thither, (is it not a little one?) and my soul shall live.

21 And he said unto them, See, I have accepted thee concerning this thing also, that I will not overthrow this city, for the which thou hast spoken.

22 Haste thee, escape thither; for I cannot do any thing till thou be come thither. Therefore the name of the city was called Zoar.

23 The sun was risen upon the earth when Lot entered into Zoar.

24 Then the LORD rained upon Sodom and upon Gomorrah brimstone and fire from the LORD out of heaven;

25 And he overthrew those cities, and all the plain, and all the inhabitants of the cities, and that which grew upon the ground.

26 But his wife looked back from behind him, and she became a pillar of salt.

Life sucks when you are studying COM2407

Trying my best to complete COM2407 - how am i to reach a 2000 word essay when i'm not even close to a 1000 words? *boo hoo*

Perfect - a word of illusion?

There comes a time when all you think about is the perfectness of life that you are in now. Everything seems to be perfect: a perfect score, a perfect family, a perfect living, and even a perfect boyfriend. However, when you are emphasizing on the word 'pefect' many many times, it turns out that this word is just illusional.

I doubt that each moment of my life is what i see as perfect. I don't see life as being perfect, but i see it as a momentary perfection. For those who are reading this entry of mine, you might be thinking where i'm heading to... well, to keep you from questioning on further, i'm heading to one point - perfection is just an illusion. I enjoy every moment of my life now as i have a wonderful boyfriend by the name of Zeck. He is committed and loving and i just love him more and more each day by knowing the fact that he is who he is in my life.

Reality strikes when you never wanted it to. A friend of mine is going through a hard time as she, at once, had someone she could be committed to and to be loved. When she got into my car today, i was almost close to tears when she told me that it had all ended the night before. How can one so committed and so loving deserve a break up like this? Somehow i couldn't make sense out of it. It may be a nightmare for her, but in a way, it influence much on my thinking.

I sat there, in silence, just thinking... I can't help it but to think of me being in her position, which of course, i wouldn't want to. However, i could never help it. I tried to cry, but i know that i have no reason to do so.

~Life must go on even though things happened the way you don't want it to~

Scary Thoughts for the Night

I'm just thinking right now... what if i left the world without a single sweet memory to take away with me; will i ever find true happiness in the 'other' world that i'll be ending up in. Let's say heaven... if i'm about to go there, what will be the possibility that i'll meet people whom i've read in the Bible? What are the possibilities of me dinning with Christ and His 12 faithful followers?

What if i end up in a place where darkness is only what i'll see and i'm not able to feel a thing? I'm not being suicidal nor am i feeling depress at this moment... but what if... just what if, i'm about to leave tonight to a place where none of my friends can be able to search for me? I'm not thinking of whether i'll be missed but i'm thinking of more towards where i will end up.

*~Sometimes in life, whenever I am deep in thoughts, strange imagination starts to form in my mind that only God knows what i'm thinking of. This is the time in life where i'm concern of my entire self... the self that i'm living in right now... the self that gives me an identity of who i am and what i have become... the self that was formed through observation of how the world goes round and how people interact and communicate with one another; how the environment influenced me to be me; just to be who i am now... most important of all, i'm questioning how and why God gave me an identity and show me how i should live my life...~*

I hate what i'm thinking now... and i hate most of all the weird feelings that only forms during the night. I'll just go to bed... tomorrow is another brand new day for me to live to my fullest, for me to write unwritten history and began a new chapter of my daily life. Tomorrow is where change occurs to the very extant which i will never get to know and only one could tell.

This is just not my day

I'm close to the point of giving everything up. Serious! I've been sitting down here in Computer Lab 2 and nothing is done. I'm suppose to research for an assignment which will be due next monday and i havent got a clue what am i suppose to do. Well, the question may sound simple, but why does it not make sense to me?!

I'm sick and tired of searching high and low for sources when all i get in return is 'not valid'. Argh, i'm seriously going nuts!! I guess i got to rely on my procrastination skills this time. I want a Distiction for Organizational Behavior. However, with this attitude i'm having, i think i'll just manage to strive for a Credit.

Argh!!!! This is just not my day!!!

Shut Up

Feelings of discomfort filled the air where I am,
I just wanted freedom to be within reach.
Telling my mind to stop playing these games with me,
I want to be calm, forget the anger within.

Stop the calls of miserable darkness,
When silence is all it needs to break loose.
I can’t stand another day listening to that voice,
The voice of displeasure that made me want to puke.

I want to go to a place far from here,
To a place where I can call home.
I want to leave this miserable earth,
Fly to a place where heaven occurred.

Try plunging into a pool of blood,
Cries are only the sound you heard.
Don’t blame me for what you see,
Sufferings come when you less expect it.

Less fighting may cause eternal peace,
Shut up and listen,
You might hear something from me.
Count the days before you end up in misery,
Don’t tell me I’ve never warn you,
As I’m doing here as I please.

What Is On My Mind

"Now that i have him, i'm very afraid to loose him!"

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I just feel this way right now. I hope things will turn out just fine!

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