Life House - Everything

Artist: Life House
Title: Everything

I’m finding my way back to sanity again
Though I don’t really know what I’m gonna do
When I get there...Take a breath and hold on tight
And spin around one more time
And gracefully fall back to the arms of grace

’cause I’m hanging on every word you say
And even if you don’t wanna speak tonight
That’s alright, alright with me
’cause I want nothing more
Than to sit outside heaven’s door
And listen to you breathing
It’s where I wanna be, yeah
Where I wanna be...

I’m looking past the shadows in my mind
Into the truth and i’m
Trying to identify the voices in my head
God, I wish it were you
Let me feel one more time what it
Feels like to feel alive
And break these callouses off of me one more time

’cause I’m hanging on every word you say
And even if you don’t wanna speak tonight
That’s alright, alright with me’cause I want nothing more
Than to sit outside your door
And listen to you breathing
It’s where I wanna be, yeah-ah...

I don’t want a thing from youI bet you’re tired of me
Waiting for the scraps to fall off
Of your table to the ground...
’cause I just wanna be here now...

’cause I’m hanging on every word you say
And even if you don’t wanna speak tonight
That’s alright, alright with me
’cause I want nothing more
Than to sit outside heaven’s door
And listen to you breathing
It’s where I wanna be, yeah...

’cause I’m hanging on every word you say
And even if you don’t wanna speak tonight
That’s alright, alright with me
’cause I want nothing more
Than to sit outside heaven’s door
And listen to you breathing
It’s where I wanna be, yeah
Where I wanna be...
Where I wanna be...

Sick and Tired

My anger has been projected in this poem itself.

I’m sick and tired of noises in my head,
Tried breaking free but I end up in the same old place,
I ran to the ocean just to see a carousel right in front of my face,
Tried to stop it, but it wouldn’t budge a single bit.

Screams so irritating caused by a fight,
Shut up, shut up, if you care.
I couldn’t take this misery anymore,
I couldn’t stand a day crying without any sleep.

A light shines through a life which is pathless,
What’s the point when my life is darkened?
The sea roars symbolizing my life of roughness,
I couldn’t stand a chance with this life of nonsense.

Could anyone cry out to me?
I need to be save from this misery.
Broken hearts and endless lies,
Stop it now, please, I want to stop my cries!

The carousel wouldn’t stop,
My life is an endless spinning.
There is no air which I could take,
It has been robbed,
The world around me,
Just an endless shaking.
I want to be back again,
Back to the door of peace.

Life House - Sick Cycle Carousel

Something terrible happened last night, and i seriously don't want to talk about it even though someone asks to clarify what happened. All i can say is that, i kept listening to this song by life house titled 'Sick Cycle Carousel'. This song has been booming in my mind since yesterday night. It's sick... but it's what i feel. It's what everyone in my family feels after yesterday!

Artist: Life House
Title: Sick Cycle Carousel

If shame had a face I think it would kind of look like mine
If it had a home would it be my eyes
Would you believe me if I said I am tired of this
Well here we go one more time

I tried to climb your steps
I tried to chase you down
I tried to see how low I could get down to the ground
I tried to earn my wayI tried to change this mind
You better believe that I tried to beat this

So when will this endIt goes on and on
And over and over and over again
Keep spinning around I know that it won’t stop
Till I step down from this for good

I never thought I’d end up here
I never thought I’d be standing where I am
I guess I kind of thought it would be easier than this
I guess I was wrong now one more time
Cause I tried to climb your steps
I tried to chase you down
I tried to see how low I could get down to the groundI
tried to earn my wayI tried to change this mind
You better believe that I tried to beat this,

So when will this end
It goes on and on
And over and over and over again
Keep spinning around I know that it won’t stop
Till I step down from this

Sick cycle carousel, this is a sick cycle, yeah
Sick cycle carousel
This is a sick cycle yeah

So when will this end
It goes on and on
And over and over and over again
Keep spinning around I know that it won’t stop
Till I step down from this for good
When will this end
It goes on and on
And over and over and over again
Keep spinning around I know that it won’t stop
Till I step down from this for good

Sick cycle carousel
Sick cycle carousel
Sick cycle carousel
Sick cycle carousel
Sick cycle carousel
Sick cycle carousel
Sick cycle carousel
Sick cycle carousel

I got a call one night from a friend of mine and she told me that Jing and Nigel will be visiting me. Those are the two really good friends of mine whom i met during my 1st semester in Taylor's College and we became very very close friends from then on. I'm seriously happy to have a friend like them as they are the ones who always keep their word.

After my exams, i smsed Jing and told him that i've already finished my exam and was sorry that i could not be in KL to meet up with him. Well, he just told me to not worry so much and that he will be coming to IPoh to meet up with me instead. At first, i thought that he was just joking... but, didn't know that he actually kept to his word. Amazingly Nigel came along. Had pretty much fun with them, and not forgetting Yin Ching.

We drove all over Ipoh... doing something which are out of the mind for instance, visiting the mental asylum and going into restricted areas of the mall and even driving around the car park of Jusco. Oh boy... we even went to visit the lost world, and again, drove around the car park, not to find for parking space (there were only about 30-40 cars in a car park which can hold up to 200-500 cars) but for fun. We went to furniture shops to look around and started visualizing what our house whould be like and what we want to bring over to Manchester, Australia and Ireland. Wanted so much to go for a round of karaoke, but i guess most of us couldn't sing haha.

The fun was that we went to town to have White Coffee, and sitting in the coffee shop for about an hour talking about life in Ireland, Manchester and KL. Nigel and I was basically criticising on Monash's life... Nigel's lucky as he is already going to Aussie for his further education. Well, both of us couldn't wait for the Australian Tennis Open and Commonwealth games to be held next year in Aussie.

I haven't had much fun in Ipoh as Ipoh is a seriously boring place. Anywayz, thanks to Nigel, Jing, and Yin Ching. You guys really brighten up my life in IPoh.

Reincarnation

Another boring afternoon where there is nothing much to do; nothing to look forward to. I just stayed home after lunch just to watch the tree outside my window. Unfortunately, it have not even blossomed one bit. To ease my boredom, I just went into my dad’s study room to check out what’s on Discovery Channel. Out of the blue, not very frequently, someone will just decide to talk about reincarnation and have it as a documentary. I am not sure about everyone, but I personally don’t believe in reincarnation. When a person dies, there are only two places one will go to… hell or heaven.

The stories projected in this documentary called ‘Past Stories: Stories of Reincarnation’ was pretty *cough* interesting. For a person who is not strong in the Christian faith may be blinded by the fact that reincarnation existed during the olden days and that heaven and hell was just another fantasy that someone can relate to. I do not have doubts nor do I question much on my beliefs. If Christ clearly stated that by Faith I shall be save, then so be it. I wouldn’t want to argue the fact that God gives a second chance to be reincarnated and to have a second chance in life. Well, maybe at times a person will stare into the eyes of death, but never come close to begging God for a second chance after he is put to death by God’s willing.

Anyways, again, was pretty bored this afternoon so I just sat through the whole one hour, listening and watching the documentary on the stories of reincarnation. There were two breathtaking case studies discussed about and it is actually pretty interesting to know. Can this be true, it’s all base on one’s perception and judgment. No unnecessary condemnation is allowed.

Sri Lanka is a place where reincarnation is strongly believed and commonly talked about. There was a girl name Dilukshi living in a small area who told her parents about how she had drowned in her previous life before she was born in her current home. Her mom was pretty frustrated with her as Dilukshi went over and over about her previous life and how her previous mother treated her. Well of course the mother has the rights to be jealous as you wouldn’t want to make up stories by telling your mom that how nice you have been treated in your previous life. However, the fact is that Dilukshi has a previous life to narrate to her family members as well as Dr. Erlendur Haraldsson who is a professor of the University of Iceland who came to investigate Dilukshi’s case.

In her previous life, Dilukshi was drowned while playing with a group of friends in a nearby stream in Tambala. She described the way she died to Dr. Haraldsson and she wanted so much to just meet her previous parents again. Her previous parents found out about Dilukshi through a locall journalists and wrote a letter to Dilukshi’s parents about how eager they were to meet up with her. Dilukshi threatened her parents to take her to see her previous parents or not she’ll run away from home.

A wish was granted. Her parents brought her to Tambala and meet up with her previous parents. On the way to Tambala, Dilukshi recognizes most of the landmarks and the places she use to hang around with her friends. Almost immediately, she somehow felt so at home and recognizes her belongings as well as the pictures shown to her by the previous family. She brought Dr. Haraldsson to the place where she was drowned and everything that Dilukshi described in her story was similar to the surroundings that Dr. Haraldsson was in. He felt that he was in a dream but at this point it was the real picture he is in.

Another case involved a little boy by the name Gus Ortega who’s father was so surprise when one day, he was changing the little kids diapers and suddenly the son looked up at him and said, ‘when I was your age, I use to change the diaper for you’. Mr. Ortega was astounded by his son’s remark. How can a little kid speak about something like this? The most surprising thing was when Mr. Ortega took out a black and white picture showing a group of people, little Gus just walked up the picture and pointed at a man in his mid 30s and said ‘there, this is me’. Mrs. Ortega was definitely dumbstruck as she was from a Baptist family who does not even believe a single thing about reincarnation.

Another professor by the name of Jim Tucker went to Florida to investigate yet another case about a little boy by the name Ian Hagerdon who narrated about him being a policeman in the past life who was shot to death during a burglary attack in a retail store. Ian was suffering severe heart disease when he was born and underwent a total of 6 surgeries. This was believed to have certain ties with his previous being. His maternal father had been shot right through the chest and pronounced dead when he reached the hospital. When he was reincarnated, little Ian now suffers from heart disease.

One day when Ian was crying in his room, his mother came into the room and told him to soften down or not she will spank him. Besides of immediately ceasing his cries, he looked up at his mom and said ‘when you were my age, and when you were naughty, I did not even spank you’. Of course, the mother was shocked by his remark. Another remarkable thing was that Ian asked his mom one day about the cats that she had when she was a little kid. One was named Maniac (the black cat) and the other was named Boston (the white cat). Ian asked his mom about one of their names.

‘Mommy, what was the cat’s name again? The one that you have,” Ian asked.

“Maniac?” replied his mom.

“No, the white one,” asked Ian once again.

Memories, statement and birthmark of a little child may be similar to the person of the previous life but can it be known as pure luck? Dr. Richard Wiseman was never a fan the topic on reincarnation. He wanted to prove that reincarnation is just a myth in society. He randomly selected children to interview and asked each and everyone to make up his/her own story. There was a little child by the name Molly who narrated a story about a little girl with red hair, blue eyes and wearing a pink, flowery dress who went away from home. Her runaway from home turned out to be a tragic death.

After hearing the story of the child, Dr. Wiseman did some research on the newspaper archive and he was flabbergasted to find that the 17 facts that Molly gave about the little girl, 13 out of the 17 facts that she gave was in point of fact similar to the case of the girl described in Molly’s made up story. So, was it just pure luck or was it true that reincarnation does exist before out naked eye?

Well, the question will somehow make you ponder on what seems to be a fantasy to you that turns into reality after hours of research and listening to inspiring stories of others. Again, what we hear may not be a factor of what we should believe in. After watching this documentary, it actually challenges my faith. What do personally feel?

11 signs of falling inlove

This pretty much shows how bored i am during the first half of the holidays and if it were to prolong till 1 month, i'm not sure what a bore i could be. Anywayz, i got this post on the friendster bulletine board.

The thing here is that i have already fallen deeply inlove with Zeck, but what is said here is pretty much true.

11. You'll read his/her sms over n over n OVER again. (That is what i always do at night before i go to bed)

10. You'll walk really, really, really slow while walking with him/her (Not exactly)

9. You'll be so shy while being with him/her (well, at first yah... but now, i just love to be with him that it makes me forget about my own shyness)

8. While tinking about him, ur heart beats really really really fast. (Not just thinking about him, when he embrace me or even compliments me)

7. By listening to his/her voice.. you'll be smilling by yourself. (He's the only guy whom i talk to that unconciously puts a smile on my face... my sis has been complaining about me smiling to myself whenever Zeck calls)

6. While looking at him/her, you can't see other people around the both of you, you can only see him/her. (Okay, this is a little too much if you are hanging out with friends, but whenever the both of us are alone, somehow we just belong to the world for 2 and nobody else)

5. You'll start listening to love songs. (More to listening to the songs he likes eventhough i know that i don't like it in the first place)

4. You'll really, really, really like love songs. (i already did from the start when i still was single)

3. Only by smelling his/her perfume smell you'll be high. (Tell me about it, i just love the way he smells everyday!)

2. You'll realise that you are always smilling by yourself. (Okay, this is a little too extreme)

1. You'll do anything for him/her. (I'm just there to give him love and much pampering)

The beginning of my holiday

Sad to say, I have not thought much about what to do this holidays and I guess that is the reason why I am stuck here, at home, doing absolutely nothing. I miss the fun times back in Monash where silly things are all we discuss about. Truly, I am pretty much waiting for this one month holiday to pass so that I can be back in Monash again. One month is just way too long. Why can’t they have like a week off or something where 2nd semester starts the next week?

The tree with the yellow flowers located just outside my window is not blossoming. I remember reading a novel while sitting near my window so that I could stare out every now and then just to look at that beautiful tree. However, what’s left seem so naked to the eye. How I wish it could bloom once again.

The most hurtful thing of all during holidays is that you can not look into the eyes of the one you truly love most. All you can do is just call to hear his voice, but not experiencing the emotions. Argh! It has only been 4 days and I couldn’t take the silence anymore! I wish to go back to KL now, but I got to be with my parents for the holidays as I have long gone from them. How I wish distance was never the factor, but I guess it is after all.

Hrm, nothing interesting which I can talk about here. Oh, anyways, what’s with all the grunting on court by tennis players? Maria Sharapova seems to be having the loudest grunt ever that made the umpire annoyed. Well, I don’t see it necessary myself for the grunting and other provoking noises while playing tennis. It may intimidate the opponent that’s for sure, but what Sharapova’s coach said actually surprised me… grunting is the way for a person to build up energy. I’m impressed by his statement because I never once think of that before.

I didn’t quite celebrate father’s day with my dad. I should have done something special. After all, he’s the one who brought me up and disciplined me fully till I am mature enough to be independent. Mom and dad went for the Engelbert concert in Genting Highlands which made me feel regretful now as I opted not to go with them. The man with the magnificent voice that sang ‘Quando, Quando, Quando’ and ‘Release Me’ in the olden days during my father’s childhood era. I’m glad that my mom went with my dad, I guess it is time for them to have a little quiet time away from the children. I wonder…

My dad is full of jokes at times which made him look a few years younger than his atual age. He's 50 now but still look young and healthy. Just love it when he says 'Sure, i'll get you BMW530i tomorrow, i just have to go to NIKKO to get it for you'. It just made me laugh whenever i joke with him about wanting to get a new, luxurious car for my birthday or any other occasions. Dad is likely to say what he always will say to me 'Sure, i'll get it for you'. He is just an amazing dad! However, i realized that deep down inside, my dad is a little dissapointed in me as i have not chosen to take Quantity Surveying as my desired ambition. Well, i just hope to prove to my dad that i can get a steady, lucrative job after i get my degree in Bachelor of Communications. Of course, experience will have to come first!

I drove back from KL at about 9.30am that Saturday and had a pretty knowledgable trip back to my hometown. My cousin kept on babbling about her life in Japan and the differentation of the culture here and there. It was pretty much an enjoyable talk by her and it just made me want to get to know more about the world's different culture. Sometimes, watching it on National Geographic or any other documentary channel will not give you the fill of those cultures, and yet of course, if we are to experience it by traveling, that would be great! I am waiting for the day to come where i can travel around the world just to learn how people live in every corner of the world.

It was pretty much a good thing to leave us kids at home. I am full of contradiction sometimes as i said it earlier that i should have gone to that concert! Of course we kids got to enjoy the evening without parents, and the night going crazy with the music on and the watching movies till late night. Well, i slept at about 2 am, as usual, but didn't know that mom and dad was back early the next morning. I didn't have the time to sneak out of the house for breakfast at my usual place. Sadest thing of all, Aaron is not back yet from TAR and i have no one to play tennis with. I am not sure where to go... Ipoh can be such a boring place, but face it, I'm so unwilling to drive out as my house is pretty much comfortable and i just spend my time sleeping.

What a start to the holidays...

Frustration Hits The Boiling Point

I'm pissed off right now. Seriously i am!

First of all, i was so looking forward to come back to Ipoh because of my dogs, and yeah, they are great and everything. Second of all, i would love to be online for longer hours so that i can spend more time chatting and visiting websites. However... DAMN!!!! I couldn't get onto msn messenger, i couldn't download Yahoo messenger and i am sick and tired of using ICQ which is a bore and i couldn't even check my hotmail as well as get into my Monash student portal. This is so f**ked up! Well, what i CAN do online is to do more posting on my blogpage which of course, i always run out of things to say.

What am i suppose to do back here then?

Well, i do have novels to help me pass my time, but i couldn't be reading the whole day. It's just not me. I don't want to go out because most of my friends from Ipoh are not back yet and they don't give a damn of calling me out anyways. Argh, all i can say is that i am so screwed up for this holiday. Lord, send an angel please! Immediately!

What is the use of having streamyx if you can't download music, go online and chat with your buddies from overseas and even check your mail!!! Argh!!

Myth or Truth?

REPORTER: Miranda Miller
BROADCAST DATE: May 24, 2005

If you believe olive oil is less fattening than butter, giving up smoking makes you gain weight and chewing gum is hard to digest, you may be in for a shock.

Some people will believe anything they are told about food if it might mean losing a few kilos. But it turns out there are more diet myths than facts. Nutrition expert Dr Tim Crowe of Deakin University said many food myths started as one person's crazy idea. We asked him to help sort food fact from food fiction.

Myth one: Starve yourself for instant slimmingStarving yourself is the worst possible thing you can do to lose weight.

What you lose is water and muscle, you can only do it for one or two days. In the end you will probably "pig out" after depriving yourself of so much food.

Myth two: Olive oil is less fattening than butter

When it comes to the heart, olive oil is the one to go for. But as far as fat goes, both have just the same amount. Both will put on the same amount of weight.

Myth three: "Reduced fat" means low in fat

The reduced fat product - even though it has less fat than the original product - is probably still high in fat and therefore high in calories.

Myth four: Giving up smoking makes you put on weight

A big myth. When people give up smoking, some lose weight, some gain weight, and some people stay the same. It is far better to be a non-smoker who is overweight than a smoker who is at a healthy weight. Where people fell down, Dr Crowe said, was when they reached for the comfort food to replace the cigarettes.

Myth five: alcohol is good for your health

Alcohol is only good for you in moderate amounts and only for people later on in life who are at risk of heart disease, Dr Crowe said.

Myth six: eating late at night makes you put on weight

What really matters is how much you eat over the whole day, not what you eat at night. If the food you eat at night is high in calories, on top of all the food you have been eating all day, you will put on weight. Otherwise the total quantity you eat matters more than when you eat it.But many still believe going to bed with a juicy steak in your tummy is a big no no, because meat is said to be hard to digest.

Myth seven: meat takes days to digest

Another big myth. Meat is fully digested just a couple of hours after we eat a meal. Fruit and vegetables take days to digest because of the beneficial fibre that's in them. Meat is not a problem.

Myth eight: frozen vegetables are not as good as fresh

Frozen veges are just as good for you, if not better, than the vegetables you buy from the supermarket. They are picked and processed within 24 hours on the farm, meaning the goodness is frozen into them. They are not wilting away on the supermarket shelf.

Myth nine: sugars in fruit juice are better than the sugar in soft drink

Sugar is sugar, no matter where it comes from, whether it's fruit juice or soft drink. Fruit juice is better because of all the vitamins and minerals it contains.

Myth ten: swallow chewing gum and it takes years to digest

While chewing gum can make you hungry by stimulating salivary glands, swallowing it will not keep your tummy busy for six years. Dr Crowe said this was just something parents told children to prevent them swallowing chewing gum. But like anything else, chewing gum is easily digested in our stomachs.

Things You Should Do When You Are Back In Your Hometown

1. Getting lost as you have never got lost before in your hometown.

2. Eat as much as you can even though it's just food you can get all over the world.

3. Make sure you pay your grandparents a visit and tell them that you miss them. Make sure you mean it when you say that.

4. Drive your parents up the wall when you have the time because you know you'll miss it once you head back to Uni.
5. Borrow as much money as you can from your parents and make sure you keep them in your savings account.

6. Blog till late night like there is no one's business. If you can, chat till your friend says 'i need to go to bed'.

7. If you have a pet, make sure to give them a great big 'bear' hug and show them, through actions, how much you've missed them.

8. Hog on to the phone. A little increase on phone bills won't hurt.

9. Get crazy whenever you have the time to. After all, it is where you were born and it won't hurt to get back a little feel of innocence from your childhood.

10. Last but not least, make sure you sleep till late morning where you don't have to do anything... anything at all... why? You're on holiday!!!

Just for a Laugh

Future NRIC Card

The multi-purpose FutureCard will be the version of our perpetually metamorphosing IC in the near future. With an embedded smart chip, it can also be used as a passport, store our medical history, driver's license, act as an ATM card, serve as an electronic purse and even be used at the National Library...what ever you do with the card...you will be tracked! It may also be a tracking device via GPRS (Good or Bad, depending the situation) However, a recent debate has brought to light the questionable control on access, potential information abuse and privacy infringement. As the debate rages on, I can foresee a likely scenario when ordering pizzas in the near future...

Ah Beng's FutureCard ( Likely Scenerio )

Operator: "Thank you for calling Pizza Hut Geylang. May I have your..."

Ah Beng: "Haloo, arh...can I orler huh..."

Operator: "Can I have your Future Card number first, Sir?"

Ah Beng: "It's arh..., hold on prease, arh..... S6102-0499-54610FC"

Operator: "OK... you're... Tan Ah Beng alias 'Or Kwee Tao' and you're calling from 17-D Lorong 14, Geylang. Your home number is 6782 8828, your office 6782 8838 and your mobile is 96828848. Which number are you calling from now Sir?

Ah Beng: "Home lah! Wah Lan...How you get all my phone lumbers, arh?"

Operator: "We are connected to the 'FutureCard' system Sir"

Ah Beng: "OK lah, okay lah...Can I orler your Seafood Pisar..."

Operator : "That's not a good idea Sir"

Ah Beng: "Why....Cannot arh?"

Operator: "According to your latest medical records, you have high blood pressure and even higher cholesterol level Sir"

Ah Beng: "What?...Wah Lan!....medical lecords also hab... you lecommend lah?"

Operator: "Try our Low Fat Hokkien Mee Pizza. You'll like it"

Ah Beng: "Wah...How you know I like Hokkien mee, arh?"

Operator: "You borrowed a book entitled "Popular Hokkien Dishes" from the National Library last week Sir"

Ah Beng: "OK...OK...Buay Ta Han... I give up... Gif me three family sized ones then, how much arh?

Operator: "That should be enough for your family of 10, Sir. The total is $45..."

Ah Beng: "I pay by FutureCard...Can or Not ?"

Operator: "I'm afraid you have to pay us cash, Sir. Your credit card is over the limit and you're owing your bank $6720.55- since October last year"

Ah Beng: "Ka Nee Nah!... Everything also know...chiat lat!"

Operator: "That's not including the late payment charges on yourhousing loan Sir.

Ah Beng: "Okay lah...I run to ATM and withdraw some cash before you come my house lor"

Operator : "You can't Sir. Based on the records, you've reached your daily limit on machine withdrawal today....with the latest withdrawal of $250 for 4D and TOTO at 2.46pm"

Ah Beng: "Never mind just send the pizzas, I borrow money from my AhMah. How long arh?"

Operator: "About 45 minutes Sir, but if you can't wait you can alwayscome and collect it on your motorcycle...it'll be ready in 15 mins and you are only 5 mins away"

Ah Beng: "Where got transport?"

Operator: "According to the details in your FutureCard", you own a Honda Scooter, ...registration number FE 3288..."

Ah Beng: "Ka Nee Nah!"

Operator : "Better watch your language Sir. Remember on 15th July 1987 you were convicted of using abusive language on a policeman... ?"

Ah Beng: [Speechless and calms down after being reminded of the brushwith the law]

Operator: "Is there anything else Sir?"

Ah Beng: "Nothing... by the way... still got stock of that 3 free bottles of cola as advertised or not?"

Operator: "We normally would Sir, but based on your records you're also diabetic....... "

Ah Beng: [Heard cursing away as he slams down the phone and telling his family he is going to the Hawker Centre to 'Tar Pow'

I've been TAGGED... AGAIN!!!!

Let's see, i'm tagged!!! By Claudia... yeah, i'm smelling you now alright hahahaha!!

The jist of this is to basically randomly select 5 occupations to complete the sentence:

If I could be a scientist
If I could be a farmer
If I could be a musician
If I could be a doctor
If I could be a painter
If I could be a gardener
If I could be a missionary
If I could be a chef
If I could be an architect
If I could be a linguist
If I could be a psychologist
If I could be a librarian
If I could be an athlete
If I could be a lawyer
If I could be an inn keeper
If I could be a professor
If I could be a writer
If I could be a llama rider
If I could be a bonnie pirate
If I could be a service member
If I could be a photographer
If I could be a philantrophist
If I could be a rap artist
If I could be a child actor
If I could be a secret agent
If I could be a comedian
If I could be a priest
If I could be a radio announcer
If I could be a phlebotomist
If I could be Paris Hilton's stylist
If I could be a movie producer
If I could be the CEO of Microsoft
If I could be an astronout
If I could be a world famous blogger
If I could be married to a current famous political leader
If I could be a dog trainer

If i could be a musician, i would want to be a professional pianist and compose songs which will inspire the world to be involved in classical music. If i could be a linguist, i would write my emotions on paper in different languages and have it published to the people i'm close to. If i could be an athlete, i'll run for the poorest country to raise fund for them. If i could be a photographer, i will have old couples to be my model as they have many memories to keep and tell (a picture speaks a thousand words). If i could be a movie producer, i would like to reproduce 'Titanic' and make it less romantic!!

Let's see, whom shall i tag this time? Counting... 1... 2... 3... hrmm, okie, sorry Debbie and Eva, you got tagged by me!! Sharks, i couldn't tag Claudia anymore.. hrmm... maybe next time... just you wait gurl!!

I've been TAGGED!!!!

Argh, when i just want to have a good night rest just so that i could be rejuvenated the next morning, I clumsily clicked on a link which linked me to Kel Li's blog. Unfortunately, i got TAGGED!!! (Kelz just robbed me of my sanity!!) Hehe, thanks Kel Li, you owe me... and yes, I am getting you for this... and just by teasing you is not enough! ngek ngek ngek ngek *LOL*

Ah well, here goes...

THREE NAMES YOU GO BY:
1. Yoke Yern
2. Yokie
3. Baby (hehe, well, noone calls me that besides of Zeck)

THREE SCREEN NAMES YOU HAVE HAD:
1. Yokie: Sufferings only lead to perfection
2. unwanted
3. Psyco: Norman Bates, Marion Crane and who else?

THREE THINGS THAT YOU DON'T LIKE ABOUT YOURSELF:
1. Sensitive
2. Having mood swings that seems to freak my boyfriend and everyone out
3. Being too nice to a person to find out that they never appreciated it.

THREE PARTS OF YOUR HERITAGE:
1. My dimpled smiles which are just so similar to my dad's
2. My highly admired *cough* complexion derived from my dad
3. My eyes - from dad

THREE THINGS THAT SCARE YOU:
1. To see my boyfriend being upset
2. Broken friendship that never can be mended
3. Being betrayed by my very own friends

THREE OF YOUR EVERYDAY ESSENTIALS:
1. Zeck
2. God
3. Money

THREE THINGS YOU ARE WEARING RIGHT NOW:
1. Bermuda shorts
2. T-Shirt
3. Hrmm... you and i know as every gurl wears them keke

THREE OF YOUR FAVOURITE BANDS OR MUSICAL ARTISTS:
1. Michael Buble
2. Air Supply
3. Richard Marx

THREE OF YOUR FAVOURITE SONGS:
1. Michael Buble-Home
2. Air Supply - Goodbye
3. Lionel Richie - Hello

THREE THINGS YOU WANT IN A RELATIONSHIP:
1. Compromise
2. Understanding
3. of course... Love

THREE PHYSICAL THINGS ABOUT THE OPPOSITE SEX THAT APPEAL TO YOU:
1. His gorgeous smile
2. Height
3. The fact that he looks great being bald (sorry if it offends you sweety, i just love touching your head... it has been an obsession to me lately *muakz*)

THREE OF YOUR FAVOURITE HOBBIES:
1. Chatting Online
2. Pool
3. Watching ESPN Live sports (Hockey, Tennis and somehow, football)

THREE THINGS YOU WANT TO DO REALLY BADLY RIGHT NOW:
1. Spending time with Zeck, which i have not been doing so lately
2. Hugging my dogs
3. Calling Jing Huai who is in Ireland now

THREE PEOPLE WHO HAVE TO TAKE THIS SURVEY NOW: (ITS A COMMAND!)
1. Claudia
2. Eddie
3. Fikri

Not Good Enough...

Another time of the night where my mind just fails to shut and have it put to rest. In stead of going to bed, i just woke up to write this poem which was in my mind for the longest time. Hrmm, guess another poem for me to send it to the PoetSanctuary. Enjoy...

Drenched by the lake with the rain still pouring,
On my shoulder was the burden that left me wondering,
Was it me or him whom made this mistake?
Until today, we still have problem searching,
For the right words to say at the correct timing.

It is sad to see that happiness was never with me,
Loneliness was a part of me from the very beginning.
I face the forest that was right in front of me,
I search through it just to find nothing.
Is life just like the forest that I’m looking at right now?
Or is it me who went to a deserted forest just to be caught in it?

Like snow that turns into dust in the middle of the night,
Crumbled papers that are only left in sight,
I search high and low just to find a single sign,
To help me understand what you truly want,
Tell me now, oh can you please?
I don’t want to be left in this misery.
Fighting for days has what been happening to me,
To find what’s wrong with us that affected my belonging.

Like the water in need to obey the fishes,
Directing them right to the nearby rivers,
I was pushed over the edges,
Hanging by a thread that will break in a moment,
Nothing to hold on to, as I felt vulnerable,
I ought to know the pain I am feeling inside,
I couldn’t stand a chance to hear my own cries.
Was it just me or was it you in the centre of this crime?
Whatever it is, I needed to deal with it now.

Like a sword piercing through my stomach,
The words piercing through my very heart,
When can my heartache ever be cured?
The times you walk pass with guilt pictured in your very eyes,
The times you cried just because I am at fault,
Is now the time to tell me what you truly want?
Or do you want to see me cry even harder each time?
Tell me now, don’t make me lost in my own insanity,
I need to know to make sure I’m really the one for you to hold.

Appreciation

“Once a close friend is lost, there will never be a day happier than the countless days when she/he is still around”

Sometimes, you just want so badly to help the closest people around you so that they could be happy. However, when there are times, you really need them to show a little appreciation by helping you out, all you have face is disappointment and unappreciated. I’m not pointing fingers here in my blog, and I wouldn’t want to say that this entry of mine is directed to anyone in particular.

Appreciation is just a word that had never been manifested in the minds of people. No matter how hard you try to appreciate what people has done for you, and when its not at all perfect, we’ll just grumble, sulk and complain about his doing. Why can’t we just show a little appreciation? When the time comes, a person need your help so badly, you’ll, hopefully, try your very best to perfect what he wants. Again, in return, there wasn’t much appreciation shown.

I am born in a family where appreciation speaks louder than any ethical word you can find in the dictionary. My dad always thought me that when a person gives you something, show your gratitude by helping the person when he or she needs you one day. Proud to say that, I did learn from my dad and I try my very best to help a person when he or she is in trouble. However, besides of the gratitude I should show to the person I help, my dad also thought me that never ask anything back from the person whom lend you a helping hand. If you really do need help, make sure you show some respect and gratitude to the person who helps you. Fair enough, when I expect someone to show some appreciation, I’m sure they would want my appreciation in return. However, it is rather easier said than done.

Think about it, how many of us actually showed true appreciation when someone has done something for us? It’s more like, throughout the process, we learn to use them in any way we can. For example, a use-to-be good friend of mine (my neighbour) who I use to hang out with does not know what I’ve done for her all throughout the years of our friendship. I remember the day when I’ve got my driving license and it was also the right time for her to take me for granted. There was once, she came to my house to ask me whether we could go out together since she wanted to test my driving skills. Me, I didn’t know what her true intentions were, so I just decided on the spot to take her for a drive. So we went all the way to Jusco, and when we were in Jusco, everything started making sense to me. The reason why she wants me to drive her around was so that she could meet up with some friends in Jusco’s arcade, and besides of introducing her friends to me, she ditched me and said ‘thanks for the ride. Is it okay if you wait till I want to go home?’ Can you beat that? Oh as if I’m the “divine” angel sent from heaven to be her messenger for every situation, I just got so mad and went off in my car. Ah well, if you ever think she learnt a lesson, think again. She came back the very next day to try persuading me to fetch her to tuition class. I just told her to forget about it! Oh, want to know what’s the worst thing? She asked my mom for favours, yep, and that is to fetch her around. Honestly, among all my friends, she’s the one with guts.

I would not stand at a podium to announce my innocence as I know, at times, consciously or unconsciously, I tend to learn how to take a person for granted. Sometimes, it just gives you a happy feeling that your troubles will be lessen once your friend who always show his or her kindness will be there to help you. So, besides of feeling bad that she or he always needs to do favours for me, I enjoy asking for more favours to be done. It just came naturally to mind. By the time I found out that it’s too late, well, I just loose a friend who is so kind and dear to me once, and because of this, I have to suffer ignorance. From then on, I learnt my lesson, whenever a person does favours for you, always return the favour by helping that person out whether or not he or she ask you to. It is only fair to both parties.

Once someone dear to you is gone, do not even think of regret, it’s your fault that he or she is gone and there is nothing left you can do about it. So, if you think you are asking too much favours from a friend, make sure you show appreciation by thanking him or her in ways that shows your deepest gratitude.

A Mother's Love Knows No Boundaries

Our mother is the one whom brought us into the world and without her, we will not have 'yesterday', 'today' and 'tomorrow'. Make use of the days to fulfill your mother's vision and not dissapoint her in anyways as she loves us and want us to have the best. For you people who gets angry easily at your parents, just think, if it was not for them, you would have ended up in the streets or you would not even have the chance to be born into this world and have what you have now. So, whatever it is, remember that a scolding or a punishment always mean that they want you to learn from your mistakes and never dwell in it.

A story i came across on the bulletine board on Friendster which was forwarded by Sze Mun. I really hope that after you guys read this, just think about the guilt that you'd caused yourself by dissapointing and angered your parents when all they are up to is for a better future in you. So, be the eyes, the legs, the hands, the mind, and a filial son or daughter to your parents!
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My mom had only one eye.

I hated her... she was such an embarressment.

My mom ran a small shop at a flea market. She collected little weeds and such to sell, anything for the money we needed. She was such an embarressment.

There was this one day during elementary school, it was field day, and my mom came. I was so embarressed. How could she do this to me? I threw her a hateful look and ran out.

The next day at school...

"Your mom only has one eye?!?!", they taunted me. I wished that my mom would just dissappear from this world so i said to my mom, "mom.. why dont you have the other eye?! If you're only gonna make me a laughing stock, why dont you just die?!!!"

My mom did not respond.. I guess I felt a little bad, but at the same time, it felt good to think that i had said what i'd wanted to say all this time.. maybe it was because my mom hadn't punished me, but I didnt think that I had hurt her feelings very badly.

That night... i woke up, and went to the kitchen to get a glass of water. My mom was crying there, so quietly, as if she was afraid that she might wake me. I took a look at her, then turned away. Because of the thing i had said to here arlier, there was something pinching me in at corner of my heart. Even so, i hated my mother who was crying out of her one eye. So i told myself that i would grow up and become successful because i hated my one-eyed mom and our desperate poverty.

I studied real hard. I left mymother and came to Seoul and studied, and got accepted in the Seoul University with all the confidence i had. Then, i got married. I bought ahouse of my own. I had kids too. Now i'm living happily as a successful man. I like it here because it's a place that doesn't remind me of my mom. This happiness was getting bigger and bigger, when..

What?! Who's this?!

It was mymother, still with her one eye. It felt as if the whole sky was falling down on me. My little girl ran away, scared of my mom's eye. And i asked her,

"Who are you?!" "I dont know you!!!"

As if trying to make that real. I screamed at her," how dare you come to my house and scare my daughter!""GET OUT OF HERE! NOW!!!" and to this, my mother quietly answered, "Oh, i'm so sorry. I may have gotten the wrong address," and she dissappeared out of sight. Thank good ness that she doesnt recognize me. I was quite relieved. I told myself that i wasnt going to care, or think about this for the rest of my life. Then a wave of relief came upon me...

One day, a letter regarding a school reunion was sent to my house. So, lying to my wife that i was going on a business trip, i went. after the reunion, i went down to the old shack, that i used to call a house, just out of curiosity. There, I found my mother fallen on the cold ground. But i did not shed a single tear. She had a piece of paper in her hand....

It was a letter to me. My son... i think my life has been long enough now and I won't visit Seoul anymore, but would it be too much to ask if i wanted you to come visit me once in a while? I miss you so much and i was so glad when i heard you were coming for the reunion. But i decided not to go to the school for you and i'm sorry that i only have one eye, and i was an embarressment for you. You see, when you were very little, you got into an accident, and lost your eye. As a mom, i couldn't stand watching you having to grow up with only one eye... so i gave you mine... i was so proud of my son as he could see a whole new world for me, in my place, with that eye. I was never upset at you for anything you did. The couple of times that you were angry with me, I thought to myself...

'It's because he loves me..'

My son... oh, my son... i dont want you to cry for me, because of my death. Please dont cry.... my son, i love you so much.

Psycho - Websites

Hey there...

I guess everyone's emotions are blending into the exam period whether you like it or not. Anywayz, to help you understand Psycho (the movie) better, here are the websites you can take a look. Hopefully it helps.

Website 1: http://www.brightlightsfilm.com/28/psycho1.html
Website 2: http://www.brightlightsfilm.com/28/psycho2.html
Website 3: http://www.brightlightsfilm.com/28/psycho3.html

To people who wants to have a better understanding on the Fort/Da theory of psychoanalysis, do visit Debbie's blog at http://lifeofdarkie.blogspot.com

All the best to everyone!!

Ego, Id and Superego

I hope this will be useful, to all COM2407 peeps, to let you have an understanding on what id, ego and superego is all about.

This is taken (cut and paste) from a website.

The id represents biological forces. It is also a constant in the personality as it is always present. The id is governed by the "pleasure principle", or the notion of hedonism (the seeking of pleasure). Early in the development of his theory Freud saw sexual energy only, or the libido, or the life instinct, as the only source of energy for the id. It was this notion that gave rise to the popular conception that psychoanalysis was all about sex, sex, sex. After the carnage of World War I, however, Freud felt it necessary to add another instinct, or source of energy, to the id. So, he proposed thanatos, the death instinct. Thanatos accounts for the instinctual violent urges of humankind. Obviously, the rest of the personality would have somehow to deal with these two instincts. Notice how Hollywood has capitalized on the id. Box office success is highly correlated with movies that stress either sex, violence, or both.

The ego is the surface of the personality, the part you show the world. The ego is governed by the "reality principle", or a pragmatic approach to the world. For example, a child may want to snitch a cookie from the kitchen, but will not if a parent is present. Id desires are still present, but the ego realizes the consequences of brazen cookie theft. The ego develops with experience, and accounts for developmental differences in behavior. For example, parents expect 3-month infants to cry until fed, but, they also expect 3-year-olds to stop crying when told they will be fed.

The superego consists of two parts, the conscience and the ego-ideal. The conscience is the familiar metaphor of angel and devil on each shoulder. The conscience decides what course of action one should take. The ego-ideal is an idealized view of one's self. Comparisons are made between the ego-ideal and one's actual behavior. Both parts of the super-ego develop with experience with others, or via social interactions. According to Freud, a strong super-ego serves to inhibit the biological instincts of the id, while a weak super-ego gives in to the id's urgings. Further, the levels of guilt in the two cases above will be high and low, respectively.

Hrmm... well, i hope this do help.